Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here
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@Coffee @sharkNserg
Having an actual social interaction gives a lot more information to both parties. Any anti-social psycho can make cat noises.@ide @sharkNserg @Coffee counterpoint: any "anti-social" "psycho" (descriptors that are ableist when used as they are here) can hold smalltalk.
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Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here
@sharkNserg as an audhd guy looking back on my time of being a small talk hater I realize now it was more not seeing the point in scripting those interactions, but now I certainly enjoy the benefits of getting friendly with random people I meet day to day.
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@sharkNserg Okay, but why can't we just meow at each other? It would make things so much easier...
@Coffee@toot.cafe @sharkNserg@plush.city If the purpose of small talk is to make friendly noises, then meowing is also a form of small talk
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Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here
@sharkNserg And a friendly wave or a handshake proves you don't have a weapon in your hand, at least ATM.
A hug is more ambiguous.
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Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here
@sharkNserg I do small talk at the beginning of work meetings to hopefully find some connection with people. Knitters, runners, bakers, readers etc. people who love pickles. If you share a tiny bit of your day sometimes you can start making friends.
So I agree with this definition of small talk completely!
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@sharkNserg I do small talk at the beginning of work meetings to hopefully find some connection with people. Knitters, runners, bakers, readers etc. people who love pickles. If you share a tiny bit of your day sometimes you can start making friends.
So I agree with this definition of small talk completely!
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Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here
@sharkNserg As someone who's never been fond of small talk (though I understand its social-interaction purpose), I would probably do well to practice it more.
I probably come across as aloof or unapproachable at times, but then once I get comfortable with a person, I can very easily over-share.
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@sharkNserg As someone who's never been fond of small talk (though I understand its social-interaction purpose), I would probably do well to practice it more.
I probably come across as aloof or unapproachable at times, but then once I get comfortable with a person, I can very easily over-share.
I've been trying to be more sociable and more at ease talking to strangers. My approach is to pretend (more or less) that I am interviewing them for a magazine or something. But with genuine interest.
The best is when I get someone talking about something arcane that they are excited about, and I try to understand why.
People love talking about their passions, and I've learned all kinds of things.
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A not so secret trick to small talk is to ask the other person about themselves with open questions, imho.
People like to talk about the stuff they care about, and just having an active listener makes them feel seen.
@billiglarper @adar @sharkNserg
The secret to being a wonderful conversationalist is to ask questions. Many won't realize you aren't talking about yourself.
Another secret is to learn to mirror the other's responses converationally. Show that you heard and ask follow up questions.
But you don't build strong friendships this way.
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Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here
@sharkNserg I too see the utility - maybe even the evolutionary origins - of small talk. And then there is Norwegian society, where small talk between strangers seems to be anathema lol.
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Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here
@sharkNserg people who hate small talk freak me out
I do not know you why are you trying to talk about something so serious. It's very selfish and no one likes an edgelord.
Or even worse: if you refuse to talk to strangers your world will be very small and the antithesis of the community based world that needs to come into being.
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@sharkNserg @afewbugs Definitely not wrong. The content of the discussion is pointless, ephemeral and irrelevant, but the action of an agreeable verbal exchange has its own value
@erik @sharkNserg I started thinking of it as like when I meet an anxious dog and babble nonsense in a calm tone of voice just to show I'm not scary. The actual words don't matter
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Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here
@sharkNserg I've explained small talk to many Germans. (they have their own small talk rituals, but many think they don't and like ragging on the American rituals they see on TV and among tourists.) I have one thing to add to OP's spot-on take:
small talk is also a status check. if someone lacks spoons for small talk, something else might be up. unfortunately some use that check to gatekeep, but kind souls regard small-talk failure as an occasion to check in with a fellow human. "you ok?"
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Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here
i love this so much. i've never really had an issue with talking small, and this kinda makes me feel less imposter syndromey about participating so much in it.
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@ide @sharkNserg @Coffee counterpoint: any "anti-social" "psycho" (descriptors that are ableist when used as they are here) can hold smalltalk.
@navi @sharkNserg @Coffee
Couldn't come up with a succinct descriptor for a-person-you-don't-want-to-associate-with, you could replace it with a "chud" or whatever.
Point being you get a pretty good read on a person based on how they approach you, interact with you and how they respond to social cues. Doing the whole cumbersome social dance of small talk helps with sussing that out. -
@navi @sharkNserg @Coffee
Couldn't come up with a succinct descriptor for a-person-you-don't-want-to-associate-with, you could replace it with a "chud" or whatever.
Point being you get a pretty good read on a person based on how they approach you, interact with you and how they respond to social cues. Doing the whole cumbersome social dance of small talk helps with sussing that out.@ide @sharkNserg @Coffee unfortunately, your assumption sounds to me like the introduction of the double-empathy problem.
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@ide @sharkNserg @Coffee unfortunately, your assumption sounds to me like the introduction of the double-empathy problem.
@navi @sharkNserg @Coffee
Eh, if there's a serious enough compatibility problem at small talk level I don't think most people would see much prospects for a deeper relationship/association, one way or the other. -
@navi @sharkNserg @Coffee
Eh, if there's a serious enough compatibility problem at small talk level I don't think most people would see much prospects for a deeper relationship/association, one way or the other.@ide @sharkNserg @Coffee this is true, but not for the reason one might think
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if you dislike small talk: this post isn't to convince you to like it
It's only to explain, if you have ever thought "small talk is so pointless and I don't understand why people do it", well, why they do it
Getting canceled on Fedi for my pro-normie urges. This is a trap, isn't it?
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Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here
@sharkNserg
I get checking in and aligning, but why so indirect, and awkwardly empty and shallow?
