<![CDATA[Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here]]>Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here

]]>https://board.circlewithadot.net/topic/d77966ea-c850-4f43-93d5-6736c3f77481/saw-this-elsewhere-thought-it-d-be-a-good-to-share-hereRSS for NodeFri, 15 May 2026 07:37:43 GMTThu, 07 May 2026 04:38:51 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here on Sat, 09 May 2026 20:13:16 GMT]]>@valhalla @sharkNserg

I think that both approaches are interpreted as low threat which is, I think, the point!

]]>https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://beige.party/users/mycotropic/statuses/116546443451298210https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://beige.party/users/mycotropic/statuses/116546443451298210Sat, 09 May 2026 20:13:16 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here on Sat, 09 May 2026 20:02:51 GMT]]>@mycotropic @sharkNserg wait? I thought you were supposed to blink slowly, then avoid eye contact and sit quietly while very pointedly looking elsewhere]]>https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://social.gl-como.it/objects/3e3ce0df-1069-ff92-ebc2-f42095790232https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://social.gl-como.it/objects/3e3ce0df-1069-ff92-ebc2-f42095790232Sat, 09 May 2026 20:02:51 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here on Sat, 09 May 2026 07:49:20 GMT]]>@sharkNserg This really resonated with me. Loved the perspective.

]]>https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://pwl.farted.net/users/pwloftus/statuses/116543518164708179https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://pwl.farted.net/users/pwloftus/statuses/116543518164708179Sat, 09 May 2026 07:49:20 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here on Fri, 08 May 2026 21:25:51 GMT]]>@lornajane @billiglarper @sharkNserg
When my small talk gets a bit like an interogation it's because I'm feeling anxious. So for me, it's about self soothing. And after reading this thread... it's about self soothing for long enough, while making small talk, for me to perceive the other person as un-threatening (if that is the reality).

]]>https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://social.coop/users/adar/statuses/116541066563005483https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://social.coop/users/adar/statuses/116541066563005483Fri, 08 May 2026 21:25:51 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here on Fri, 08 May 2026 21:25:11 GMT]]>@sharkNserg last smalltalk I had to endure was to the tune of "we must seize the means of production" so your audience definitely makes a difference

]]>https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://mastodon.art/users/zompetto/statuses/116541063896260906https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://mastodon.art/users/zompetto/statuses/116541063896260906Fri, 08 May 2026 21:25:11 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here on Fri, 08 May 2026 19:25:13 GMT]]>@billiglarper
I love the German way – just be sure to only drink in moderation or it becomes quite the downer!
@lornajane @adar @sharkNserg

]]>https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://tech.lgbt/users/curiousicae/statuses/116540592192877746https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://tech.lgbt/users/curiousicae/statuses/116540592192877746Fri, 08 May 2026 19:25:13 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here on Fri, 08 May 2026 13:24:04 GMT]]>@sharkNserg

Whenever I'm hiking I always give a friendly "Howdy!" When I pass some one.

Just she we all know no ones a murderer

]]>https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://gts.thinkstoomuch.net/users/nagaram/statuses/01KR3W4WJFY348JSB35NYSCHTJhttps://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://gts.thinkstoomuch.net/users/nagaram/statuses/01KR3W4WJFY348JSB35NYSCHTJFri, 08 May 2026 13:24:04 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here on Fri, 08 May 2026 13:11:50 GMT]]>@sharkNserg I've known its purpose for ages and I still hate it.

]]>https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://mastodon.social/users/AdmiralMemo/statuses/116539123985936953https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://mastodon.social/users/AdmiralMemo/statuses/116539123985936953Fri, 08 May 2026 13:11:50 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here on Fri, 08 May 2026 07:54:11 GMT]]>@sharkNserg tech-oriented people might see it this way: your algorithm doesn't just immediately start dumping data, right? It checks "is the other party ready to receive, what bandwidth can they handle, which protocols do they support?"

I've had folks come up to me and immediately launch into a rant, and I'm thinking "hey! I'm in a grumpy mood, I don't have much time, another day I'd have been happy to hear you but this was impolite"

Small talk is meant to gauge availability and mood, before introducing potential topics for deeper conversation, with mutual consent.

]]>https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://eldritch.cafe/users/Tattie/statuses/116537874960541858https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://eldritch.cafe/users/Tattie/statuses/116537874960541858Fri, 08 May 2026 07:54:11 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here on Fri, 08 May 2026 07:46:25 GMT]]>@Stephanie small babby kitty talk
@Coffee @sharkNserg

]]>https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://eldritch.cafe/users/Tattie/statuses/116537844368049281https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://eldritch.cafe/users/Tattie/statuses/116537844368049281Fri, 08 May 2026 07:46:25 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here on Fri, 08 May 2026 05:59:26 GMT]]>@arthfach @irina @sharkNserg In terms of general communication I agree, that neither has to be small, nor even talk, which is a specific form of exchange.
Even just nodding and smiling alone works better for some of us, as it's potentially perceived as an order of magnitude less pretentious.
Talking about disabilities also hints at misunderstanding the double empathy problem altogether I think, as both "sides" are perfectly fine by themselves - it's the interactions that aren't.

]]>https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://masto.ai/users/simondassow/statuses/116537423749806179https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://masto.ai/users/simondassow/statuses/116537423749806179Fri, 08 May 2026 05:59:26 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here on Fri, 08 May 2026 05:55:07 GMT]]>@ozzelot meow!

@Stephanie

]]>https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://toot.cafe/users/Coffee/statuses/116537406724443117https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://toot.cafe/users/Coffee/statuses/116537406724443117Fri, 08 May 2026 05:55:07 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here on Fri, 08 May 2026 02:29:50 GMT]]>@vapaad @sharkNserg Speaking for myself, but also a common experience among autistics: it took me a very long time to get a sense of what the average person considers to be "too serious for someone I just met".

It didn't help that it's pretty common for people to universalize their own conversational "weights"; so, for instance, the dictum "never talk about politics with someone you've just met," even construed narrowly to refer just to partisan electoral politics, is still a bad rule! I don't want to be friends with Trumpists, and using a vague "orange man bad"-level slogan as a feeler is also small talk. I recommend it.

Yet people advised me against that all the time, honestly believing they were being helpful, when they were really offloading their emotional baggage on me. It sucks if your own politics small talk made you unpopular, but that's either your problem, or theirs.

]]>https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://peoplemaking.games/users/clayote/statuses/116536599564183904https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://peoplemaking.games/users/clayote/statuses/116536599564183904Fri, 08 May 2026 02:29:50 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here on Fri, 08 May 2026 01:59:21 GMT]]>@Coffee @ide @sharkNserg The words don't matter, just that you say them. The words will be interpreted as the listener wishes. They will do a basic scan over the words to see which ones you use & guess what you might mean from that. Apparently "nice weather today" means "let's be friends" & "so we can infer from this that there must be some imaginary number i which must be equal to the square root of negative one" means "I am extremely dangerous & going to hurt you, now you must make a threat display of your own to scare me away[1]".

[1] Hyperbole.

]]>https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://furry.engineer/users/jackemled/statuses/116536479674021247https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://furry.engineer/users/jackemled/statuses/116536479674021247Fri, 08 May 2026 01:59:21 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here on Fri, 08 May 2026 01:48:01 GMT]]>@sharkNserg meow > "nice weather today"

]]>https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://furry.engineer/users/jackemled/statuses/116536435144349182https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://furry.engineer/users/jackemled/statuses/116536435144349182Fri, 08 May 2026 01:48:01 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here on Thu, 07 May 2026 23:27:11 GMT]]>@sharkNserg I love this - it's really helpful to me because I also have terrible difficulty with small talk. This makes me think there's perhaps a point to it.

]]>https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://mstdn.ca/users/lmgenealogy/statuses/116535881347528064https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://mstdn.ca/users/lmgenealogy/statuses/116535881347528064Thu, 07 May 2026 23:27:11 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here on Thu, 07 May 2026 22:33:05 GMT]]>@sharkNserg

I like to make eye contact, yawn broadly and then walk away. This shows that we aren't threatening to each other!

]]>https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://beige.party/users/mycotropic/statuses/116535668619366211https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://beige.party/users/mycotropic/statuses/116535668619366211Thu, 07 May 2026 22:33:05 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here on Thu, 07 May 2026 21:42:43 GMT]]>@sharkNserg So funny (possibly) story, an old acquaintance of mine used to hame Strong Opinions about “small talk” that were in line with your comments - they are “polite noises” that we are set in our ways to both state and reply, and the *content* of the reply doesn’t matter, it’s that there *is* a reply that makes the other person feel seen and recognized and the lack of a response comes across as cold, caring, and inhuman, and likely is someone you would otherwise want to avoid.

To prove that the ‘response’ to small talk was itself irrelevant, he used to reply to canned small talk comments by *quacking*. Almost nobody ever mentioned it, they took the response - any response - as an acknowldgement.

]]>https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://oldbytes.space/users/jgeorge/statuses/116535470528828823https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://oldbytes.space/users/jgeorge/statuses/116535470528828823Thu, 07 May 2026 21:42:43 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here on Thu, 07 May 2026 21:10:27 GMT]]>@Coffee
meow
@Stephanie @sharkNserg

]]>https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://mstdn.social/users/ozzelot/statuses/116535343686336310https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://mstdn.social/users/ozzelot/statuses/116535343686336310Thu, 07 May 2026 21:10:27 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here on Thu, 07 May 2026 20:44:38 GMT]]>@sharkNserg

Yeah, and even if you don't wanna do it yourself, knowing what the purpose of it is might inform what you do instead.

]]>https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://dragon.style/users/aearo/statuses/116535242177042188https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://dragon.style/users/aearo/statuses/116535242177042188Thu, 07 May 2026 20:44:38 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here on Thu, 07 May 2026 20:36:24 GMT]]>@ide Wait wait wait. Are you telling me those clickbaity articles I have been reading all my life -- claiming that 90% of NT communication is nonverbal+subtext and words barely matter -- are wrong?

Conversely, do you understand how much _subtext_ a single meow can hold?

@sharkNserg

]]>https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://toot.cafe/users/Coffee/statuses/116535209767981740https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://toot.cafe/users/Coffee/statuses/116535209767981740Thu, 07 May 2026 20:36:24 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here on Thu, 07 May 2026 20:21:56 GMT]]>@Bumblefish meowwww

@sharkNserg

]]>https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://toot.cafe/users/Coffee/statuses/116535152905217305https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://toot.cafe/users/Coffee/statuses/116535152905217305Thu, 07 May 2026 20:21:56 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here on Thu, 07 May 2026 20:20:18 GMT]]>@Stephanie This is precisely my point.

@sharkNserg

]]>https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://toot.cafe/users/Coffee/statuses/116535146481665432https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://toot.cafe/users/Coffee/statuses/116535146481665432Thu, 07 May 2026 20:20:18 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here on Thu, 07 May 2026 20:16:28 GMT]]>@janneke Honestly, if you asked people that are good at and like small talk why they do it, most of them aren't going to explain it like this post does, because it's probably not something they ever really thought about

And, I would say school *is* the place where a lot of this is learned; not formally or with lessons, but just as part of socialization and (hopefully) with teachers or other leadership that take an active interest in helping kids get along

Doesn't always work, of course, but...

]]>https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://plush.city/users/sharkNserg/statuses/116535131425821880https://board.circlewithadot.net/post/https://plush.city/users/sharkNserg/statuses/116535131425821880Thu, 07 May 2026 20:16:28 GMT