Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here

[datn@xoxo.zone]

@sharkNserg I've explained small talk to many Germans. (they have their own small talk rituals, but many think they don't and like ragging on the American rituals they see on TV and among tourists.) I have one thing to add to OP's spot-on take:

small talk is also a status check. if someone lacks spoons for small talk, something else might be up. unfortunately some use that check to gatekeep, but kind souls regard small-talk failure as an occasion to check in with a fellow human. "you ok?"

[tenderleaves@donphan.social]

i love this so much. i've never really had an issue with talking small, and this kinda makes me feel less imposter syndromey about participating so much in it.

[ide@masto.ai]

@navi @sharkNserg @Coffee
Couldn't come up with a succinct descriptor for a-person-you-don't-want-to-associate-with, you could replace it with a "chud" or whatever.
Point being you get a pretty good read on a person based on how they approach you, interact with you and how they respond to social cues. Doing the whole cumbersome social dance of small talk helps with sussing that out.

[navi@catcatnya.com]

@ide @sharkNserg @Coffee unfortunately, your assumption sounds to me like the introduction of the double-empathy problem.

[ide@masto.ai]

@navi @sharkNserg @Coffee
Eh, if there's a serious enough compatibility problem at small talk level I don't think most people would see much prospects for a deeper relationship/association, one way or the other.

[navi@catcatnya.com]

@ide @sharkNserg @Coffee this is true, but not for the reason one might think

[xenophora@mastodon.art]

@sharkNserg

Getting canceled on Fedi for my pro-normie urges. This is a trap, isn't it?

[janneke@todon.nl]

@sharkNserg
I get checking in and aligning, but why so indirect, and awkwardly empty and shallow?

[janneke@todon.nl]

@sharkNserg
Should have read this disclaimer before replying l, thanks.

As small talk usually is an amazing downer for me, it's good to know this.

Knowing this, it might be OK to not engage and instead try to do a friendly checkin, possibly by opening up sharing your own state first?

[mo@mastodon.ml]

@ide so any «anti-social psycho» can talk about weather. And?

meowing IS a social interaction, too

@Coffee @sharkNserg

[plombirka@mk.ilyamikcoder.com]

@ide@masto.ai @sharkNserg@plush.city @Coffee@toot.cafe antisocial psychos who make cat noises,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ​​​​​​

@mo@mastodon.ml

[beth@weird.autos]

@sharkNserg this is how I talk to all the men I deliver parts to despite hating talking to men.

Works almost every time B3

[hugo@social.treehouse.systems]

@sharkNserg our little introduction rituals

[lornajane@indieweb.social]

@billiglarper @adar @sharkNserg Any tips for making it sound less like an interrogation?

[vesen@chaos.social]

@Coffee @sharkNserg i think just walking up to someone and meow will work too.

[petrichorsquirrel@meow.social]

@sharkNserg when people rail against small talk I'm always left internally asking myself "so, what, like a psychopath or something?"

[sharknserg@plush.city]

@janneke that's reasonable enough!

[sharknserg@plush.city]

@PetrichorSquirrel it's fine to not like it and be bad at it and wish you didn't have to do it, honestly, I just wish it didn't so often turn into pathologizing people that *are* okay with it

[janneke@todon.nl]

@sharkNserg
I was going to say, why don't they teach this sort of stuff in school or so, and then I wondered, how come typical folks somehow all know/learn such unwritten, amazingly silly, rules?

[sharknserg@plush.city]

Based on my replies, I get the feeling people on Fedi are more likely to feel attacked by this, so, please take my reassurance:

It is ok to not like small talk, it is okay to be bad at it, it is okay to wish you didn't get put into situations where you feel like you're forced into it

All this post is for is demystifying why others do it and why it's not bad or shallow that they do it