I am not One of the Good Trans.
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We often say the misogyny a woman absorbs from the world around her is "internalised misogyny", because it harms her first and foremost.
I'm going to court controversy and argue that all misogyny hurts oneself first and foremost.
12/Male, female, or non-binary, cis or trans, the first harm of misogyny is to limit what you yourself can be. The first shaming is always of yourself, before you turn it on others.
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Male, female, or non-binary, cis or trans, the first harm of misogyny is to limit what you yourself can be. The first shaming is always of yourself, before you turn it on others.
13/We are all shamed into staying within narrow confines of what is socially acceptable for our assigned gender. We narrow our possibilities, split ourselves into the part that we can be and the part that is forbidden. And then we create an inner gatekeeper whose job it is to keep us from the forbidden parts of ourselves. To police us before society can even catch us out.
And if you're that sort of person, you then project this inner judgment externally. Onto, perhaps, your children. Or your classmates. Or the people who work for you. Or sex workers. Or your wife.
14/ -
We often say the misogyny a woman absorbs from the world around her is "internalised misogyny", because it harms her first and foremost.
I'm going to court controversy and argue that all misogyny hurts oneself first and foremost.
12/@Tattie hear hear!
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We are all shamed into staying within narrow confines of what is socially acceptable for our assigned gender. We narrow our possibilities, split ourselves into the part that we can be and the part that is forbidden. And then we create an inner gatekeeper whose job it is to keep us from the forbidden parts of ourselves. To police us before society can even catch us out.
And if you're that sort of person, you then project this inner judgment externally. Onto, perhaps, your children. Or your classmates. Or the people who work for you. Or sex workers. Or your wife.
14/To be a cis man is to learn that being a woman is shameful, to be derided and never emulated.
To be a cis woman is to learn that being a woman is somehow both shameful and obligatory.
To be transfem is the same, but the obligation comes from your own deepest yearnings and is thus extra shameful.
(I won't try to speak to the transmasc experience).
15/ -
To be a cis man is to learn that being a woman is shameful, to be derided and never emulated.
To be a cis woman is to learn that being a woman is somehow both shameful and obligatory.
To be transfem is the same, but the obligation comes from your own deepest yearnings and is thus extra shameful.
(I won't try to speak to the transmasc experience).
15/Speaking of shame, let's return to N. It has now emerged that N "wants to be trans", wants to transition, wants to change their name.
How many times have I told a fellow transfem: "wanting to be a girl is enough"? That "wanting to be trans is the same as being trans"?
I would be a hypocrite to not conclude exactly what I suspected at first glance: N is transfem.
16/ -
Speaking of shame, let's return to N. It has now emerged that N "wants to be trans", wants to transition, wants to change their name.
How many times have I told a fellow transfem: "wanting to be a girl is enough"? That "wanting to be trans is the same as being trans"?
I would be a hypocrite to not conclude exactly what I suspected at first glance: N is transfem.
16/And I know a lot of us don't want to believe that, because... they're awful. But statistically, some of us are gonna be.
Denying N's femaleness because they're an awful person makes no more sense than denying Kristi's femaleness. She's a fucking fascist monster, but still a woman.
Gender identity is not contingent on good behaviour.
17/ -
And I know a lot of us don't want to believe that, because... they're awful. But statistically, some of us are gonna be.
Denying N's femaleness because they're an awful person makes no more sense than denying Kristi's femaleness. She's a fucking fascist monster, but still a woman.
Gender identity is not contingent on good behaviour.
17/But maybe a big reason we move to deny N's transness is because we know that every transfeminine person is judged by the actions of the worst of us. And that's the real fucking problem here.
18/ -
But maybe a big reason we move to deny N's transness is because we know that every transfeminine person is judged by the actions of the worst of us. And that's the real fucking problem here.
18/I am not One of the Good Trans. That means, I am refusing a psychological split, where we divide the world into the good and the bad, the real and the false, the Us and the Them, the innocent and the menace.
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I am not One of the Good Trans. That means, I am refusing a psychological split, where we divide the world into the good and the bad, the real and the false, the Us and the Them, the innocent and the menace.
19/The emotionally mature position is to acknowledge N as both harmful and deeply harmed. They clearly have grown up with a lot of misogyny, and the amount of shame they're dealing with must dwarf my own. I mean, fuck, I'm picking it up second-hand from them.
Yet their unenviable position doesn't forgive their actions. Misogyny is misogyny.
20/ -
The emotionally mature position is to acknowledge N as both harmful and deeply harmed. They clearly have grown up with a lot of misogyny, and the amount of shame they're dealing with must dwarf my own. I mean, fuck, I'm picking it up second-hand from them.
Yet their unenviable position doesn't forgive their actions. Misogyny is misogyny.
20/The truth is that N, and of course Caitlyn Jenner, are the tip of the iceberg of objectionable trans people. Because, as I said, social change is not evenly distributed, there are a fuckload of closeted conservative trans people out there.
If we somehow ended transphobia tomorrow, we would find that the community of trans individuals have overnight become substantially more racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, classist, fatphobic, etc etc etc
21/ -
The truth is that N, and of course Caitlyn Jenner, are the tip of the iceberg of objectionable trans people. Because, as I said, social change is not evenly distributed, there are a fuckload of closeted conservative trans people out there.
If we somehow ended transphobia tomorrow, we would find that the community of trans individuals have overnight become substantially more racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, classist, fatphobic, etc etc etc
21/That's disquieting. Maybe that's another part of the reason why some of us want to pull closed that old "Good Trans" gate again. We want the trans community to be progressive and empathic and kind and unproblematic.
But it already isn't now and we can't make it be, not if we're successful in making transness more and more socially acceptable. Trans people are just people, from all walks of life, and bring their own social ills with them.
22/ -
That's disquieting. Maybe that's another part of the reason why some of us want to pull closed that old "Good Trans" gate again. We want the trans community to be progressive and empathic and kind and unproblematic.
But it already isn't now and we can't make it be, not if we're successful in making transness more and more socially acceptable. Trans people are just people, from all walks of life, and bring their own social ills with them.
22/Maybe it's past time to admit that "the trans community" is a fiction. Oh, there are trans communities, some of them wonderful. But none of them definitive.
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Maybe it's past time to admit that "the trans community" is a fiction. Oh, there are trans communities, some of them wonderful. But none of them definitive.
23/I think of the horrible transphobic trope that trans people inevitably go thru a "Nazi phase" before coming out.
Where does that trope originate? 4chan.
Kinda unsurprising that a website full of edgelords would end up concluding that every trans person is similarly an edgelord, because those are the ones they meet.
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I think of the horrible transphobic trope that trans people inevitably go thru a "Nazi phase" before coming out.
Where does that trope originate? 4chan.
Kinda unsurprising that a website full of edgelords would end up concluding that every trans person is similarly an edgelord, because those are the ones they meet.
24/Similarly, trans Reddit thinks that trans people are some way, and trans Bluesky thinks that trans people are some way, and trans Fedi thinks that trans people are some way, but these are illusions.
I tell you, there are trans people out there who have never hugged a Blåhaj and don't even like trains.
25/ -
Similarly, trans Reddit thinks that trans people are some way, and trans Bluesky thinks that trans people are some way, and trans Fedi thinks that trans people are some way, but these are illusions.
I tell you, there are trans people out there who have never hugged a Blåhaj and don't even like trains.
25/@Tattie Blasphemy! All hail Blåhaj!
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Similarly, trans Reddit thinks that trans people are some way, and trans Bluesky thinks that trans people are some way, and trans Fedi thinks that trans people are some way, but these are illusions.
I tell you, there are trans people out there who have never hugged a Blåhaj and don't even like trains.
25/And there are closeted trans people out there in conservative-fascist circles, who are pretty much indistinguishable in everyday life from the worst sort of misogynist cis white dudes— just like I once made myself indistinguishable from a shy geeky bearded dude. (And acted as one.)
And they for sure are so definitely Not One of the Good Trans that they make me look like One of the Good Trans.
And yet we are all trans.
Fin/ -
@Tattie Blasphemy! All hail Blåhaj!
@faithisleaping @Tattie HOW CAN THEY NOT LIKE TRAINS?????
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Similarly, trans Reddit thinks that trans people are some way, and trans Bluesky thinks that trans people are some way, and trans Fedi thinks that trans people are some way, but these are illusions.
I tell you, there are trans people out there who have never hugged a Blåhaj and don't even like trains.
25/@Tattie The tragedy of not having access to Blåhaj… or trains.
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@faithisleaping @Tattie HOW CAN THEY NOT LIKE TRAINS?????
@introvertcatto @faithisleaping all hail the Blåhaj train!
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When you're only permitted to explore your femininity as a "sex thing", then that's what you do.
I read erotic TG stories, consumed erotic art. I dressed up, stuffing my bra to ludicrous proportions. I fantasised, I wrote my own erotica. And each time when I was done, I put everything away, filled with shame and grief, and returned to the colourless male life I had to live.
3/@Tattie@eldritch.cafe
Thank you for sharing. I knew I wasn't alone, but it's always nice to hear people living the same things.
