I am not One of the Good Trans.
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There were so many like me. Isolated by their shame, by society's judgment.
Until society changed, and transgender people started becoming more visible, started telling their own stories. Suddenly I and so many like me saw our own reflections, and in a wave, came out.
So many like me, says the lady from the white, middle-class, liberal background. Social change is not evenly distributed.
4/Being transgender is two things. On one hand it's a social construct, a shared terminology and set of narratives. And on the other it's an inviolate fact of how we are born.
Why am I so sure of the second? Well, because even in the most progressive community, who would actually choose to be transgender? I know I wouldn't've. I'm proud now to be trans, but it would've been a hell of an easier journey to be cis.
5/ -
Being transgender is two things. On one hand it's a social construct, a shared terminology and set of narratives. And on the other it's an inviolate fact of how we are born.
Why am I so sure of the second? Well, because even in the most progressive community, who would actually choose to be transgender? I know I wouldn't've. I'm proud now to be trans, but it would've been a hell of an easier journey to be cis.
5/This second aspect of being transgender— which we might call gender incongruence— seems to pop up in some form across every race, nation, culture, religion, social class and background.
Notably, every political background. Including ones I find awful.
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This second aspect of being transgender— which we might call gender incongruence— seems to pop up in some form across every race, nation, culture, religion, social class and background.
Notably, every political background. Including ones I find awful.
6/Which leads me to Kristi Noem's spouse, who for the purpose of this thread I shall call "N" and refer to with they/them pronouns.
I had a conversation on Fedi about N, with someone who had firmly stated that N must be a cis man, because of the misogyny implicit to what they had been indulging in. The way their sexual narratives shamed women and womanhood, the way they were using women for their own needs. The abusive things they said to their own wife.
7/ -
Which leads me to Kristi Noem's spouse, who for the purpose of this thread I shall call "N" and refer to with they/them pronouns.
I had a conversation on Fedi about N, with someone who had firmly stated that N must be a cis man, because of the misogyny implicit to what they had been indulging in. The way their sexual narratives shamed women and womanhood, the way they were using women for their own needs. The abusive things they said to their own wife.
7/And yeah I totally understand this opinion. (And I'm not "calling it out"). But in my heart I felt it wasn't true.
In my heart I recognised a darker reflection of who I had been, when I had been Bad and Not Really Trans; the fetishist, the crossdresser.
8/ -
And yeah I totally understand this opinion. (And I'm not "calling it out"). But in my heart I felt it wasn't true.
In my heart I recognised a darker reflection of who I had been, when I had been Bad and Not Really Trans; the fetishist, the crossdresser.
8/I recognised the parody of womanhood that is donned; a parody that feels safer than realism. I recognised the shaming of femaleness; an outward projection of one's own inner shame. I even recognised the risky behaviour, because terrifying as it is, some part of you longs for the world to call you out, unmask you, see who you truly are.
9/ -
I recognised the parody of womanhood that is donned; a parody that feels safer than realism. I recognised the shaming of femaleness; an outward projection of one's own inner shame. I even recognised the risky behaviour, because terrifying as it is, some part of you longs for the world to call you out, unmask you, see who you truly are.
9/Let's talk misogyny.
My first boss was a misogynist, the most blatant I've ever met. My female colleagues would mumble darkly that every time they were in a meeting with this boss, they'd be asked to make the teas and coffees and take notes, rather than being treated on an equal footing with the men.
The boss was a cis woman.
10/ -
Let's talk misogyny.
My first boss was a misogynist, the most blatant I've ever met. My female colleagues would mumble darkly that every time they were in a meeting with this boss, they'd be asked to make the teas and coffees and take notes, rather than being treated on an equal footing with the men.
The boss was a cis woman.
10/She was this absolute fucking cliché: a loud, booming voice, suits with shoulder pads, male-coded hobbies. She'd succeeded in business by outperforming all the men around her at masculinity. Including tearing down all the women around her.
Misogyny is misogyny.
11/ -
She was this absolute fucking cliché: a loud, booming voice, suits with shoulder pads, male-coded hobbies. She'd succeeded in business by outperforming all the men around her at masculinity. Including tearing down all the women around her.
Misogyny is misogyny.
11/We often say the misogyny a woman absorbs from the world around her is "internalised misogyny", because it harms her first and foremost.
I'm going to court controversy and argue that all misogyny hurts oneself first and foremost.
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We often say the misogyny a woman absorbs from the world around her is "internalised misogyny", because it harms her first and foremost.
I'm going to court controversy and argue that all misogyny hurts oneself first and foremost.
12/Male, female, or non-binary, cis or trans, the first harm of misogyny is to limit what you yourself can be. The first shaming is always of yourself, before you turn it on others.
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Male, female, or non-binary, cis or trans, the first harm of misogyny is to limit what you yourself can be. The first shaming is always of yourself, before you turn it on others.
13/We are all shamed into staying within narrow confines of what is socially acceptable for our assigned gender. We narrow our possibilities, split ourselves into the part that we can be and the part that is forbidden. And then we create an inner gatekeeper whose job it is to keep us from the forbidden parts of ourselves. To police us before society can even catch us out.
And if you're that sort of person, you then project this inner judgment externally. Onto, perhaps, your children. Or your classmates. Or the people who work for you. Or sex workers. Or your wife.
14/ -
We often say the misogyny a woman absorbs from the world around her is "internalised misogyny", because it harms her first and foremost.
I'm going to court controversy and argue that all misogyny hurts oneself first and foremost.
12/@Tattie hear hear!
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We are all shamed into staying within narrow confines of what is socially acceptable for our assigned gender. We narrow our possibilities, split ourselves into the part that we can be and the part that is forbidden. And then we create an inner gatekeeper whose job it is to keep us from the forbidden parts of ourselves. To police us before society can even catch us out.
And if you're that sort of person, you then project this inner judgment externally. Onto, perhaps, your children. Or your classmates. Or the people who work for you. Or sex workers. Or your wife.
14/To be a cis man is to learn that being a woman is shameful, to be derided and never emulated.
To be a cis woman is to learn that being a woman is somehow both shameful and obligatory.
To be transfem is the same, but the obligation comes from your own deepest yearnings and is thus extra shameful.
(I won't try to speak to the transmasc experience).
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To be a cis man is to learn that being a woman is shameful, to be derided and never emulated.
To be a cis woman is to learn that being a woman is somehow both shameful and obligatory.
To be transfem is the same, but the obligation comes from your own deepest yearnings and is thus extra shameful.
(I won't try to speak to the transmasc experience).
15/Speaking of shame, let's return to N. It has now emerged that N "wants to be trans", wants to transition, wants to change their name.
How many times have I told a fellow transfem: "wanting to be a girl is enough"? That "wanting to be trans is the same as being trans"?
I would be a hypocrite to not conclude exactly what I suspected at first glance: N is transfem.
16/ -
Speaking of shame, let's return to N. It has now emerged that N "wants to be trans", wants to transition, wants to change their name.
How many times have I told a fellow transfem: "wanting to be a girl is enough"? That "wanting to be trans is the same as being trans"?
I would be a hypocrite to not conclude exactly what I suspected at first glance: N is transfem.
16/And I know a lot of us don't want to believe that, because... they're awful. But statistically, some of us are gonna be.
Denying N's femaleness because they're an awful person makes no more sense than denying Kristi's femaleness. She's a fucking fascist monster, but still a woman.
Gender identity is not contingent on good behaviour.
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And I know a lot of us don't want to believe that, because... they're awful. But statistically, some of us are gonna be.
Denying N's femaleness because they're an awful person makes no more sense than denying Kristi's femaleness. She's a fucking fascist monster, but still a woman.
Gender identity is not contingent on good behaviour.
17/But maybe a big reason we move to deny N's transness is because we know that every transfeminine person is judged by the actions of the worst of us. And that's the real fucking problem here.
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But maybe a big reason we move to deny N's transness is because we know that every transfeminine person is judged by the actions of the worst of us. And that's the real fucking problem here.
18/I am not One of the Good Trans. That means, I am refusing a psychological split, where we divide the world into the good and the bad, the real and the false, the Us and the Them, the innocent and the menace.
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I am not One of the Good Trans. That means, I am refusing a psychological split, where we divide the world into the good and the bad, the real and the false, the Us and the Them, the innocent and the menace.
19/The emotionally mature position is to acknowledge N as both harmful and deeply harmed. They clearly have grown up with a lot of misogyny, and the amount of shame they're dealing with must dwarf my own. I mean, fuck, I'm picking it up second-hand from them.
Yet their unenviable position doesn't forgive their actions. Misogyny is misogyny.
20/ -
The emotionally mature position is to acknowledge N as both harmful and deeply harmed. They clearly have grown up with a lot of misogyny, and the amount of shame they're dealing with must dwarf my own. I mean, fuck, I'm picking it up second-hand from them.
Yet their unenviable position doesn't forgive their actions. Misogyny is misogyny.
20/The truth is that N, and of course Caitlyn Jenner, are the tip of the iceberg of objectionable trans people. Because, as I said, social change is not evenly distributed, there are a fuckload of closeted conservative trans people out there.
If we somehow ended transphobia tomorrow, we would find that the community of trans individuals have overnight become substantially more racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, classist, fatphobic, etc etc etc
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The truth is that N, and of course Caitlyn Jenner, are the tip of the iceberg of objectionable trans people. Because, as I said, social change is not evenly distributed, there are a fuckload of closeted conservative trans people out there.
If we somehow ended transphobia tomorrow, we would find that the community of trans individuals have overnight become substantially more racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, classist, fatphobic, etc etc etc
21/That's disquieting. Maybe that's another part of the reason why some of us want to pull closed that old "Good Trans" gate again. We want the trans community to be progressive and empathic and kind and unproblematic.
But it already isn't now and we can't make it be, not if we're successful in making transness more and more socially acceptable. Trans people are just people, from all walks of life, and bring their own social ills with them.
22/ -
That's disquieting. Maybe that's another part of the reason why some of us want to pull closed that old "Good Trans" gate again. We want the trans community to be progressive and empathic and kind and unproblematic.
But it already isn't now and we can't make it be, not if we're successful in making transness more and more socially acceptable. Trans people are just people, from all walks of life, and bring their own social ills with them.
22/Maybe it's past time to admit that "the trans community" is a fiction. Oh, there are trans communities, some of them wonderful. But none of them definitive.
23/
