I've never met a femme-presenting¹ person who didn't have a sexual harassment/assault story.
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@alice from a medical professional. so we had to learn how to navigate that. very annoying.
@ireneista @alice I also experienced this.
/sympathy -
i've only been out for a few years and am largely a shut-in, and as such i have not
in time i'm sure i will join the gang too :<
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@alice sigh, yes, we had ours almost immediately upon transition
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@ireneista @alice I also experienced this.
/sympathy@Willow also /sympathy 🫂
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I've never met a femme-presenting¹ person who didn't have a sexual harassment/assault story.
Most have one from within the past week.
My most recent harassment was yesterday (but I haven't really left the house yet today, so there's still time).
My first sexual assault was at ~13².
¹ InB4 some guy hops in to remind us all that men get SA'd too
² that I remember@alice I’ve come to expect the casual street harassment whenever I’m on foot for an extended period.
I was harassed by a medical provider at urgent care the first summer after I came out, and assaulted in a club last year.
I wrote about the latter here: https://chaosfem.tw/@Willow/115032757839470915
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@alice sigh, yes, we had ours almost immediately upon transition
It is very bad out there. I taught community self defense classes for years. To many different communities. The stories were/are relentless.
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@alice the first day I went outside femme-presenting
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@stephaniepixie @alice I had a woman tell me recently that her parents made her wear a bra at home because her dad is there. HER DAD. 🤯🤯🤯
@irene @stephaniepixie @alice w-what
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I've never met a femme-presenting¹ person who didn't have a sexual harassment/assault story.
Most have one from within the past week.
My most recent harassment was yesterday (but I haven't really left the house yet today, so there's still time).
My first sexual assault was at ~13².
¹ InB4 some guy hops in to remind us all that men get SA'd too
² that I remember@alice I was a teacher. I packed up my stuff after my class. As I was leaving and the next teacher walked in, this lecherous old man (teacher) slapped my ass in front of our teenage students.
I turned around and glared at him for like 30 seconds. The kids were dead silent. He looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole. Good. There was no hole to crawl into. You witness the silent manifestation of my rage. With witnesses.
I walked out before he moved. Coward.
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I've never met a femme-presenting¹ person who didn't have a sexual harassment/assault story.
Most have one from within the past week.
My most recent harassment was yesterday (but I haven't really left the house yet today, so there's still time).
My first sexual assault was at ~13².
¹ InB4 some guy hops in to remind us all that men get SA'd too
² that I remember@alice
I thought about replying to this one. Telling you that I learned to be different, to be just a chill dude who means no harm to no one and respects others.Fuck this shit, that is the minimum behavior everyone expects. I'm nothing special, I should be nothing special.
No, instead I tell you that I raise my sons to be exactly that. To treat girls as equals, to respect their needs, to respect their feelings like everyone elses. It helps that both have AuDHD, they already see the world as a neurotypical, cruel world and themselves as different. And they met enough bullies in elementary school and kindergarden to know how it feels to be on the "other" side. Yes, bullying and sexual assault is not the same, but it takes the same kind of people to do it, the same mindset. Look at your "Grab them by the pussy"-president for an example.
My boys won't grow up being bullies. My boys won't raise into sexual predators. And my boys won't accept this behavior around them, their ADHD-caused Robin-Hood-syndrome is way too strong for that, but I make sure anyway. And THIS is what I want to tell you, what is the important reply to your experience. Not "I'm different" but "No more!"
Nobody cares about "Not all men", it doesn't solve the problem. But I hope this will.
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@alice I was a teacher. I packed up my stuff after my class. As I was leaving and the next teacher walked in, this lecherous old man (teacher) slapped my ass in front of our teenage students.
I turned around and glared at him for like 30 seconds. The kids were dead silent. He looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole. Good. There was no hole to crawl into. You witness the silent manifestation of my rage. With witnesses.
I walked out before he moved. Coward.
@mayintoronto @alice I feel that more than qualifies to the level of an HR report. Not acceptable on any level, but in front of kids?!
I guess it does depend on your situation, maybe "rocking the boat" could get you in a bad spot, which is a reality in some places, which I hate, but doesn't change the risks.
If nothing else I would report it so it's on his record? I dunno.
So sorry you had to deal with that. Men need to be better, do better. Good luck.
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@dee I'm so sorry that happened to you 🫂
@alice thank you. I'd like to say time makes for healthier coping methods and being able to forgive. But for me time just made it possible to name my pain and carry it with more familiarity and a little less discomfort.
To those who cross my path I'm the most gentle, kind and generous person, but no one this kind isn't carrying something.
One day, maybe, I'll put what I experienced on main. But this is one thing I cannot share without hurting the person who listens.
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@alice I’ve come to expect the casual street harassment whenever I’m on foot for an extended period.
I was harassed by a medical provider at urgent care the first summer after I came out, and assaulted in a club last year.
I wrote about the latter here: https://chaosfem.tw/@Willow/115032757839470915
@Willow hug offered.
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@alice
I thought about replying to this one. Telling you that I learned to be different, to be just a chill dude who means no harm to no one and respects others.Fuck this shit, that is the minimum behavior everyone expects. I'm nothing special, I should be nothing special.
No, instead I tell you that I raise my sons to be exactly that. To treat girls as equals, to respect their needs, to respect their feelings like everyone elses. It helps that both have AuDHD, they already see the world as a neurotypical, cruel world and themselves as different. And they met enough bullies in elementary school and kindergarden to know how it feels to be on the "other" side. Yes, bullying and sexual assault is not the same, but it takes the same kind of people to do it, the same mindset. Look at your "Grab them by the pussy"-president for an example.
My boys won't grow up being bullies. My boys won't raise into sexual predators. And my boys won't accept this behavior around them, their ADHD-caused Robin-Hood-syndrome is way too strong for that, but I make sure anyway. And THIS is what I want to tell you, what is the important reply to your experience. Not "I'm different" but "No more!"
Nobody cares about "Not all men", it doesn't solve the problem. But I hope this will.
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I've never met a femme-presenting¹ person who didn't have a sexual harassment/assault story.
Most have one from within the past week.
My most recent harassment was yesterday (but I haven't really left the house yet today, so there's still time).
My first sexual assault was at ~13².
¹ InB4 some guy hops in to remind us all that men get SA'd too
² that I remember@alice I came out later in life (trans femme) and was SA'd within the 1st 3 months at a very "inclusive" venue. I was severely traumatised and mostly stayed indoors for the next 2 months. I anonymously reported to the police just so the venue would be notified as I didn't want my name smeared all over police documents (because ACAB). The 1st time, I was ~12yo.
So OK, there's that right? And I've read thru all the comments. I feel like SA is very desensitised which really bothers me.
The deliberate yet possibly innocent deviation from your original toot (and the reason for writing it) from the "actually" people is quite disturbing. The selfish comments like:
"well, I haven't...." (the worst one, IMO)
"actually there are other factors..."
"not all (group)...."
"what about....."
They are usually followed by a variation of "me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me...."It's beyond distracting and simply hijacks the original comment. It forces the narrator (you) to explain nuances not having to do with the core of the discussion and dilutes the substance of the details. Literally halfway thru reading the comments, I forgot what the original discussion was about, like WTF?!?!
And this is why I don't even bother discussing my experiences with SA, bullying and harassment. No one just stops to say, "wow, that's horrible, I'm so sorry", etc. Instead, it's, "wow, I thought that venue was good" or "my SA experience was way worse" or "actually, you're not the only one so relax" etc, etc, ad nauseum. Anything to distract and make it about them.
So, for those that have read this comment, do you remember what I wrote in the 1st paragraph?
Be honest.
Or did you start to pick apart my piece so you could make a cool statistic, prove me wrong or make it about you?
Again, be honest. To yourself.
I think this is "a" main point of the original discussion. Not "the" main point.
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@Willow hug offered.
@alice Hug accepted 🫂
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