I've never met a femme-presenting¹ person who didn't have a sexual harassment/assault story.

[autumnbaum@mindly.social]

@ellesaurus @alice

As I grow older, I've come to realize that speaking in superlatives is rarely an accurate practice. There's always a caveat, and using terms like "nearly everyone" or, "the vast majority", even when talking about your friends, is the best form of speech.

I'm currently 45, and I'm still learning.

️

[azuaron@cyberpunk.lol]

@ghostprince It is absolutely not the same proportion. Under-reporting happens all around, for one. From all reliable studies, though, the proportion is heavily, heavily one-sided.

43.6% of women have experienced some form of "contact sexual violence". Half that for men. When it comes to completed or attempted rape, specifically, it's 21.3% of women and only 2.6% of men.

(Note: I'm a little confused about how a man can be "made to penetrate" someone, but that not be rape? That sounds like textbook rape. But even if we use that number, which is 7.1%, that is 1/3 of the rate women experience rape.)

(Note #2: for both "rape" and "made to penetrate", those numbers include both "completed" and "attempted".)

https://www.nsvrc.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/2015data-brief508.pdf

The proportion's not the same, and it's not even close.

Every instance is a tragedy! But let's have an accurate picture of the problem.

[littlefox@gotosocial-dev.svc.0x0a.network]

@alice the first day I went outside femme-presenting

[willow@chaosfem.tw]

@dee @alice <sits nearby for company>

[willow@chaosfem.tw]

@ireneista @alice I also experienced this.
/sympathy

[alice@lgbtqia.space]

@matildalove 🫂

[alice@lgbtqia.space]

@ireneista 🫂

[alice@lgbtqia.space]

@Willow also /sympathy 🫂

@ireneista

[willow@chaosfem.tw]

@alice I’ve come to expect the casual street harassment whenever I’m on foot for an extended period.

I was harassed by a medical provider at urgent care the first summer after I came out, and assaulted in a club last year.

I wrote about the latter here: https://chaosfem.tw/@Willow/115032757839470915

[vervain@sunny.garden]

@ireneista @alice

It is very bad out there. I taught community self defense classes for years. To many different communities. The stories were/are relentless.

[alice@lgbtqia.space]

@littlefox 🫂

[xyhhx@438punk.house]

@irene @stephaniepixie @alice w-what

[mayintoronto@beige.party]

@alice I was a teacher. I packed up my stuff after my class. As I was leaving and the next teacher walked in, this lecherous old man (teacher) slapped my ass in front of our teenage students.

I turned around and glared at him for like 30 seconds. The kids were dead silent. He looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole. Good. There was no hole to crawl into. You witness the silent manifestation of my rage. With witnesses.

I walked out before he moved. Coward.

[willow@chaosfem.tw]

@alice 🫂

[momo@social.linux.pizza]

@alice
I thought about replying to this one. Telling you that I learned to be different, to be just a chill dude who means no harm to no one and respects others.

Fuck this shit, that is the minimum behavior everyone expects. I'm nothing special, I should be nothing special.

No, instead I tell you that I raise my sons to be exactly that. To treat girls as equals, to respect their needs, to respect their feelings like everyone elses. It helps that both have AuDHD, they already see the world as a neurotypical, cruel world and themselves as different. And they met enough bullies in elementary school and kindergarden to know how it feels to be on the "other" side. Yes, bullying and sexual assault is not the same, but it takes the same kind of people to do it, the same mindset. Look at your "Grab them by the pussy"-president for an example.

My boys won't grow up being bullies. My boys won't raise into sexual predators. And my boys won't accept this behavior around them, their ADHD-caused Robin-Hood-syndrome is way too strong for that, but I make sure anyway. And THIS is what I want to tell you, what is the important reply to your experience. Not "I'm different" but "No more!"

Nobody cares about "Not all men", it doesn't solve the problem. But I hope this will.

[alice@lgbtqia.space]

@Tooden I'm really sorry you had to experience that ️‍🩹

@dee

[sablebadger@dice.camp]

@mayintoronto @alice I feel that more than qualifies to the level of an HR report. Not acceptable on any level, but in front of kids?!

I guess it does depend on your situation, maybe "rocking the boat" could get you in a bad spot, which is a reality in some places, which I hate, but doesn't change the risks.

If nothing else I would report it so it's on his record? I dunno.

So sorry you had to deal with that. Men need to be better, do better. Good luck.

[alexadeswift@lgbtqia.space]

@xyhhx

That is all kinds if Yikes. But am I surprised? Not at all.

@irene @stephaniepixie @alice

[dee@social.treehouse.systems]

@alice thank you. I'd like to say time makes for healthier coping methods and being able to forgive. But for me time just made it possible to name my pain and carry it with more familiarity and a little less discomfort.

To those who cross my path I'm the most gentle, kind and generous person, but no one this kind isn't carrying something.

One day, maybe, I'll put what I experienced on main. But this is one thing I cannot share without hurting the person who listens.

[dee@social.treehouse.systems]

@Tooden @alice same to you. It's hard. Fracturing and dissociating is both a gift and a curse. So much love to you, a survivor