So, looking at job ads in the UK.

[pseudonymsupreme@pnw.zone]

@DarkSheepArts This feels accurate.

[darksheeparts@mastoart.social]

@kimlockhartga

I've always wondered if it's in there so that when you complain that you're being expected to do three people's jobs, they can be like "we warned you it was fast paced and busy..."

[zenheathen@beige.party]

@DarkSheepArts "We're a family" - we'll never let you get a union in here

[plwt@mstdn.social]

@DarkSheepArts The "proactive self starter" one made me smile. A few years back I was interviewed for a very undefined role purely because I had been employed for the firm whose software they were migrating to.

Given my experiance of the project management at that previous firm was akin to watching squirrels on acid bobsledding, I declined the job offer.

[crow@irlqt.net]

@DarkSheepArts@mastoart.social these are great translations

[kersnazzle@mastodon.social]

@DarkSheepArts I interviewed with a CTO that described themselves as "an ideas engine" I mentally translated this to "bell end" Another gem was being asked what my superpower was? My thought was that I'm not fucking eight years old!

[tamber@taur.zone]

@DarkSheepArts "Some overtime required, as necessary" : You live here now.

[mactunag@gts.eunach.scot]

@DarkSheepArts "friendly team" is something you'd expect as a norm too, saying it def gives off the opposite vibes

[xinit@mastodon.coffee]

@DarkSheepArts

"A young dynamic team" - you're too old to work here. Also the dynamism lies in the not-required, but totally required 80 hour weeks.

@kimlockhartga

[xinit@mastodon.coffee]

@JennyFluff
"Tight-knit team" - codependent psychopaths
@DarkSheepArts

[jennyfluff@chitter.xyz]

@xinit @DarkSheepArts oh I thought that was code for micro-managing middle managers

[xinit@mastodon.coffee]

@kersnazzle
"I can detect bullshitters who don't know how to interview a candidate. It's a pretty niche power."
@DarkSheepArts

[kersnazzle@mastodon.social]

@xinit I really wish that I was quick witted enough to have said that. Dammit!

[satsuma@dice.camp]

@DarkSheepArts “exciting and fast paced!” We push untested changes to production environments on a Friday afternoon

[purpleshadow@eldritch.cafe]

@DarkSheepArts In my last job they let people have "freedom to make their own decisions in the projects", which just meant that they would make you responsible for the manager's incompetence.

They also offered "mental health support", which in my experience was misused to make individuals responsible for the consequences of systemic issues.

[purpleshadow@eldritch.cafe]

@kimlockhartga @DarkSheepArts You save the company a lot of money at the expense of your own mental and physical health. Chronic stress can lead to autoimmune diseases.

[purpleshadow@eldritch.cafe]

@DarkSheepArts I once saw an advertisement for a job in a call centre. One of their points was "you will be stressed!", as if it was a good challenge.

I wish I had a picture of that thing.

[bardmoss@autistics.life]

@DarkSheepArts
"We treat everyone like family."
You will work lots of unpaid overtime.

[kyonshi@dice.camp]

@JennyFluff @xinit @DarkSheepArts what amazing alliteration. Kudos

[gcvsa@mstdn.plus]

@DarkSheepArts "Proactive, self-starter" generally means, "We expect you to make executive decisions without having any actual executive authority, much less any guidance from upper management—forcing you to play mind-reading games is an essential part of the process of how we evaluate your work, after all—but you will of course shoulder the blame if anything you do doesn't improve profitability by double-digits every quarter."