So, looking at job ads in the UK.

[jalefkowit@vmst.io]

@Her_Doing @DarkSheepArts My favorite is when the business says "we're a family!", as if most families are not deeply dysfunctional

[venite@mastodon.nl]

@DarkSheepArts “organised and self-assured” - it’s total chaos over here and Nancy from accounting will actively try to break you

[darksheeparts@mastoart.social]

@jalefkowit

Oh God, I worked at one of those. Abolutely the reddest of red flags.

@Her_Doing

[grimoirebizarre@mastoart.social]

@DarkSheepArts "like family": Your supervisor will downplay your needs if you are disabled and without children, compared to the parents, and furthermore will act like they appointed themself your new parent. Also you are 12; that's how the theory works, right?

[kimlockhartga@beige.party]

@DarkSheepArts I have never understood the supposed allure of "fast-paced." Being a go-getter rarely gets rewarded, but rather just increases your workload so that you now work the jobs of two people, saving the company a ton of money.

[pseudonymsupreme@pnw.zone]

@DarkSheepArts This feels accurate.

[darksheeparts@mastoart.social]

@kimlockhartga

I've always wondered if it's in there so that when you complain that you're being expected to do three people's jobs, they can be like "we warned you it was fast paced and busy..."

[zenheathen@beige.party]

@DarkSheepArts "We're a family" - we'll never let you get a union in here

[plwt@mstdn.social]

@DarkSheepArts The "proactive self starter" one made me smile. A few years back I was interviewed for a very undefined role purely because I had been employed for the firm whose software they were migrating to.

Given my experiance of the project management at that previous firm was akin to watching squirrels on acid bobsledding, I declined the job offer.

[crow@irlqt.net]

@DarkSheepArts@mastoart.social these are great translations

[kersnazzle@mastodon.social]

@DarkSheepArts I interviewed with a CTO that described themselves as "an ideas engine" I mentally translated this to "bell end" Another gem was being asked what my superpower was? My thought was that I'm not fucking eight years old!

[tamber@taur.zone]

@DarkSheepArts "Some overtime required, as necessary" : You live here now.

[mactunag@gts.eunach.scot]

@DarkSheepArts "friendly team" is something you'd expect as a norm too, saying it def gives off the opposite vibes

[xinit@mastodon.coffee]

@DarkSheepArts

"A young dynamic team" - you're too old to work here. Also the dynamism lies in the not-required, but totally required 80 hour weeks.

@kimlockhartga

[xinit@mastodon.coffee]

@JennyFluff
"Tight-knit team" - codependent psychopaths
@DarkSheepArts

[jennyfluff@chitter.xyz]

@xinit @DarkSheepArts oh I thought that was code for micro-managing middle managers

[xinit@mastodon.coffee]

@kersnazzle
"I can detect bullshitters who don't know how to interview a candidate. It's a pretty niche power."
@DarkSheepArts

[kersnazzle@mastodon.social]

@xinit I really wish that I was quick witted enough to have said that. Dammit!

[satsuma@dice.camp]

@DarkSheepArts “exciting and fast paced!” We push untested changes to production environments on a Friday afternoon

[purpleshadow@eldritch.cafe]

@DarkSheepArts In my last job they let people have "freedom to make their own decisions in the projects", which just meant that they would make you responsible for the manager's incompetence.

They also offered "mental health support", which in my experience was misused to make individuals responsible for the consequences of systemic issues.