"Today’s actions are not a cost-cutting exercise or an assessment of individuals’ performance; they are about Cloudflare defining how a world-class, high-growth company operates and creates value in the agentic AI era."

[slothrop@chaos.social]

@mhoye my eyes got permanently crossed somewhere in the middle of this glorious corpospeak sentence:

“That means we have to be intentional in how we architect our company for the agentic AI era in order to supercharge the value we deliver to our customers and to honor our mission to help build a better Internet for everyone, everywhere. ”

[mhoye@cosocial.ca]

@slothrop behold my loaf of mba wordburger

[palendae@linuxlab.sh]

@mhoye @glyph It’s something they feel like they have to say, at least for now.

I think it will eventually be dropped as the actions become more de-personalized. Look at how cuts went from being big all hands meetings, to Zoom calls, to emails, to disabling access immediately.

[slothrop@chaos.social]

@mhoye I’ve done my share of corporate PR, I’m not proud of most of it; but that sentence is barely fit for human consumption

[illegalhex@hachyderm.io]

@mhoye the exec class don’t really care if any believes these types these press releases.

This release successfully changed their story to “CEO is clanker” when it would have been Q1 EPS is $0.25 and Q2 earnings have been adjusted downwards.

[greem@cyberplace.social]

@mhoye "world class, high growth company creates value" but not for the likes of us.

Ah, the joys of corpobullshit, where any fiduciary terminology is for the people who already control all the money.

Eat the rich.

[danbrotherston@types.pl]

@mhoye That's entirely unfair...the statement is largely true, this cut isn't about cost cutting...that's totally incidental side benefit.

And it's about defining how a world-class, high-growth company and creates value...

The only note I have is that there is a passive voice in the second part.

I would reword: "The are about aligning with how investors (the VC or "Epstein" class) believe high-growth companies should create value. Sorry, but your sacrifice will generate significant short term growth on the stock exchange."

[chrisamaphone@hci.social]

@mhoye i think you could even completely negate this and it would be a more true statement: "Today's actions are a cost-saving exercise and an assessment of individuals’ performance. They are about Cloudflare defining how a struggling company dealing with high-profile failures malfunctions and destroys value in the agentic AI bubble."

[floe@hci.social]

@slothrop @mhoye I actually hope an LLM wrote that paragraph because whatever it was never had a soul to begin with

[eigen@mattstodon.panar.ooo]

@mhoye huh: the stock value between yesterday & today does not appear to have appreciated this blog post

[mhoye@cosocial.ca]

@eigen I guess he didn't intentionally supercharge the value enough.

[slothrop@chaos.social]

@floe @mhoye that sentence is more glib even than what most LLMs put out.

I feel like whoever wrote this is the kind of person who looks up to Peter Thiel.

[designfactotum@hci.social]

@mhoye “At Cloudflare, our mission is to help build a better Internet. That mission is ambitious, long-term, and requires constant innovation. But building for the future isn’t just about the technology we create — it’s also about investing in the people who will create it. “

https://blog.cloudflare.com/cloudflare-1111-intern-program/ (Sept. 2025)

[jwz@mastodon.social]

@mhoye This is a category error; truth and belief are non-goals. They don't care who believes it, only that journalists publish it verbatim (they will) so that the statement can be referenced in later defensive court filings.

[bexelbie@toot.io]

@mhoye zero because then they’d have to admit those writers won’t be here after they hit send.

[oytis@mastodon.social]

@mhoye What I find somewhat comforting is that the shareholders didn't seem to believe either this time.

[mkoek@mastodon.nl]

@mhoye goodness, these people are full of themselves, aren’t they

[be@floss.social]

@slothrop @mhoye

[dpp@mastodon.social]

@mhoye @wendynather I disagree. There are a dozen or so board members and a few activist investors who believe this.

[rmi@cloudisland.nz]

@mhoye Truth is not the purpose. This is Ritual: they perform Ritual so the stock market will provide them with Grace. The amount of Grace is dependent on the quality of the Ritual.