Dear app developers,I have never had the desire to review an app.

[kajer@infosec.exchange]

@malwarejake

can we also add aboilishing "new user" tutorials to that demand too?

[malwarejake@infosec.exchange]

@kajer Sure, but at least that's a one time thing.

[mattblaze@federate.social]

@malwarejake I'm especially put off by the popups that interrupt me as soon as I open the app. "Do you love the FedEx app?" No, I just want to track my fucking package. And that's a really stalker-y way to ask, frankly.

[reijomancer@defcon.social]

@malwarejake @petrillic Amen!

dismiss, dismiss, rate zero stars & turn off notifications.

If they do some sort of in app spam, I skip to leave a review and delete.

I am not your advertising or beta test agency.

[kajer@infosec.exchange]

@malwarejake until you reinstall for literally any reason, and get mandatory new-user hints and tips and intros and tutorials....

I have 8000 hours in this program, I'm not a new user damnit.

references: gestures broadly at ALL SOFTWARE

[drsbaitso@infosec.exchange]

@mattblaze @malwarejake Yeah, most apps aren't special or lovable. They're meant to be functional. They have a function that they can complete or not complete. If my can opener made me stop and review it before I could open a goddamned can of beans, I'd throw it through a window.

[cstross@wandering.shop]

@malwarejake Apps that persistently nudge me to leave a review get a one-star review: "nagware, forces you to leave a review, DO NOT USE".

[yadt@tech.lgbt]

@malwarejake

I simply take the easy path and leave a review when they prompt me. But not a good review.

[montef@mastodon.social]

@cstross @malwarejake @chetwisniewski I especially detest the apps that nag me for a review *as part of the initial installation*, before I have ever used the app!

Free PSA for App Developers:
If you ask me for a review of your app, before I have exited the App Store during the installation process; you WILL get a One Star review.
Your app may very well be the best app in the history of apps, but that kind of desperate begging for a rating and review; will absolutely backfire on you.

[zzt@mas.to]

@kajer @malwarejake or some PM decides whichever new feature you don’t care about is worth a forced new user flow aka an ad

sometimes when you start using the software for the first time it just dumps these on you for random features

[mattblaze@federate.social]

@drsbaitso @malwarejake I'm imaging how this would go in the pre-app era, when you had to call a human agent to track the package:

"Fedex, can I help you?"

"Yes, I'd like to track a package."

"OK, but first, I need you to tell me if you love me."

"What?"

"I can't do this anymore if I don't feel loved and appreciated."

"Um, I just want to track a package."

"Yes, yes. Of course you do, That's what I thought. I suppose I'm not worthy of love. I have to hang up now. I'll be thinking of you."

[jernej__s@infosec.exchange]

@mattblaze @malwarejake I leave a negative review every time this happens.

[drsbaitso@infosec.exchange]

@mattblaze @malwarejake "Oh, I'll be thinking of you too. Not fondly."

[cibyr@omg.wtf.sh]

@mattblaze @malwarejake worse, most of them shouldn't even be apps to begin with! I just want to track my fucking package; that's a web page not a goddamn app!

[ujay68@mastodon.world]

@malwarejake Especially if you have the “Don’t asks for reviews” flag set.

[kishi@meow.social]

@jernej__s
This is the way
@mattblaze @malwarejake

[saucetweet@defcon.social]

@malwarejake I normally review apps that constantly nudge with a 1 star.

[mattblaze@federate.social]

@Kishi @jernej__s @malwarejake I wonder if it is, in a world where metrics of “engagement” are more valued than actual quality.

[kishi@meow.social]

@mattblaze @jernej__s @malwarejake

Yeah, there is that as well, but at that point, they might as well begin counting "tap away or close" as a positive engagement. Not sure if we're at that point, but right now, everything stupid seems plausible.

[malwarejake@infosec.exchange]

@mattblaze Right?! There must be better ways to work the request into the application flow instead of it getting in the way of what you were doing.