I'm curious about the intersection between autistic folks here and #ENM (Ethical Non Monogamy).
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@minego Ethically it's fine, but emotionally I can't handle maintaining more than one intimate relationship.
@foolishowl There are many forms of relationships that fit under the ENM umbrella. Not all relationships need that, as long as all parties know what the relationship is and agree to it.
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@foolishowl There are many forms of relationships that fit under the ENM umbrella. Not all relationships need that, as long as all parties know what the relationship is and agree to it.
@foolishowl and, I hope it goes without saying but I will anyway, choosing not to for any reason is absolutely and entirely valid.
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@dyani I felt that way for many years. I felt like it would put my relationship with my partner at risk, and I wasn't willing to do that.
But, exploring it with my partner, carefully and slowly, with a LOT of focus on communication, has been wonderful and has brought us much closer together.
But, it obviously isn't for everyone and that's absolutely valid. I have found that many of the people we've met have been neurodivergent though.
@minego @dyani I also think ND folk are maybe more open, as I don't think we usually see any moral objections to ENM. I certainly don't. For me personally I can't imagine really "dealing" with multiple people and making sure all parts are well-communicated to and happy, my personal limiting factor would be social battery. So I am very happy in a relationship that's monogamous as agreed on by both parts
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@minego @dyani I also think ND folk are maybe more open, as I don't think we usually see any moral objections to ENM. I certainly don't. For me personally I can't imagine really "dealing" with multiple people and making sure all parts are well-communicated to and happy, my personal limiting factor would be social battery. So I am very happy in a relationship that's monogamous as agreed on by both parts
@AutisticDoctorStruggles
@dyani My partner and I have mostly had relationships with other couples, where the boundaries are very clear.Everyone involved has a primary committed partner, and a clear understanding of what everyone else wants from the relationship.
It has allowed us to be social in a more controlled and predictable way, and we can step away when one or both of us needs a break.
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@AutisticDoctorStruggles
@dyani My partner and I have mostly had relationships with other couples, where the boundaries are very clear.Everyone involved has a primary committed partner, and a clear understanding of what everyone else wants from the relationship.
It has allowed us to be social in a more controlled and predictable way, and we can step away when one or both of us needs a break.
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@AutisticDoctorStruggles
@dyani It has been really amazing!It lets us be very confident and direct in ways that we could normally never do. It has let us both understand ourselves so much better.
Watching my partner finding her confidence has been so amazing.
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@AutisticDoctorStruggles
@dyani It has been really amazing!It lets us be very confident and direct in ways that we could normally never do. It has let us both understand ourselves so much better.
Watching my partner finding her confidence has been so amazing.
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@AutisticDoctorStruggles It has also allowed us both to be so much more open and honest with each other. For so long we avoided talking about any desires or needs that could possibly trigger jealousy.
But, now that we understand that we both feel the same and that we have ways to explore these feelings and desires safely, we can be more open.
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I'm curious about the intersection between autistic folks here and #ENM (Ethical Non Monogamy).
@minego autistic and ENM in theory but also moderately/severely disabled and mono in practice because I don't have the energy for more than one romantic relationship at a time
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I'm curious about the intersection between autistic folks here and #ENM (Ethical Non Monogamy).
If there was a used to button, would have clicked that. But we are just so much lazier in our 30’s.
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@minego autistic and ENM in theory but also moderately/severely disabled and mono in practice because I don't have the energy for more than one romantic relationship at a time
@mxjaygrant A handful of people have said similar things.
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If there was a used to button, would have clicked that. But we are just so much lazier in our 30’s.
@Energetic_Nova My goal was to learn more about how people feel about relationships, especially around sex, more than about what people are currently actually doing.
So, yeah, I think that counts.
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@Energetic_Nova My goal was to learn more about how people feel about relationships, especially around sex, more than about what people are currently actually doing.
So, yeah, I think that counts.
Yeah. Im clicked no and autistic. Cause it been a while. And I am less open do to other people. Not anything my partner has done. I would allow her with a trusted trans woman but I am protective of her from certain jackass forces.
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Yeah. Im clicked no and autistic. Cause it been a while. And I am less open do to other people. Not anything my partner has done. I would allow her with a trusted trans woman but I am protective of her from certain jackass forces.
Certain people dont know how to gain consent from my partner. Her history of being abused as a child is relevant to the current decision.
People dont mean to. She is just naturally pleasing as a person and it stops being ethical.
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@AutisticDoctorStruggles It has also allowed us both to be so much more open and honest with each other. For so long we avoided talking about any desires or needs that could possibly trigger jealousy.
But, now that we understand that we both feel the same and that we have ways to explore these feelings and desires safely, we can be more open.
@minego @AutisticDoctorStruggles that's so awesome to hear. I'm happy for you two. I wish I hadn't been born into a life that gave me so much trauma I have to willingly fix within myself in order to experience fuller happiness
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Certain people dont know how to gain consent from my partner. Her history of being abused as a child is relevant to the current decision.
People dont mean to. She is just naturally pleasing as a person and it stops being ethical.
There is basically one trans woman I would trust her with and that person is firm on the no relationships ever cause she trusts no one. Adore and trust her tho. Cause she has strong consent language.
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Yeah. Im clicked no and autistic. Cause it been a while. And I am less open do to other people. Not anything my partner has done. I would allow her with a trusted trans woman but I am protective of her from certain jackass forces.
@Energetic_Nova Thanks. I think my biggest take away from this is that we tend to be more willing to reject the default assumptions about what relationships are and what is and isn't okay in a relationship.
That can take countless different forms though, and the beautiful thing about that is that it can more properly fit the needs and desires of the people in a relationship.
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Certain people dont know how to gain consent from my partner. Her history of being abused as a child is relevant to the current decision.
People dont mean to. She is just naturally pleasing as a person and it stops being ethical.
@Energetic_Nova I'm sorry to hear that, but it sounds like she is lucky to have an understanding and supportive partner to help.
The E in ENM is the most important part.
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@minego @AutisticDoctorStruggles that's so awesome to hear. I'm happy for you two. I wish I hadn't been born into a life that gave me so much trauma I have to willingly fix within myself in order to experience fuller happiness
@dyani I wish that for all of us!
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@Energetic_Nova I'm sorry to hear that, but it sounds like she is lucky to have an understanding and supportive partner to help.
The E in ENM is the most important part.
Pretty much.
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