I'm curious about the intersection between autistic folks here and #ENM (Ethical Non Monogamy).

[deirdrebeth@mas.to]

@minego

I mean, I'm old, not for years, but technically yes so...

[undefined_variable@mementomori.social]

@minego In theory I fall under relationship anarchy, but in practice living my life solo so kinda moot point.

[minego@pdx.social]

@deirdrebeth Technically yes is still yes.

[minego@pdx.social]

@undefined_variable I see it as a very wide umbrella. Basically anything other than traditional monogamy as long as the ethical part is there.

[dyani@social.coop]

@minego I can see how it makes sense in theory and how ND folks would be more keen on it, but I myself am too traumatized by relationships from childhood on to be able to make it work without tons of personal stress. Curious if other people feel the same.

[minego@pdx.social]

@dyani I felt that way for many years. I felt like it would put my relationship with my partner at risk, and I wasn't willing to do that.

But, exploring it with my partner, carefully and slowly, with a LOT of focus on communication, has been wonderful and has brought us much closer together.

But, it obviously isn't for everyone and that's absolutely valid. I have found that many of the people we've met have been neurodivergent though.

[minego@pdx.social]

I probably should have been more verbose. For the sake of this poll, I would define ENM as any form of relationships with multiple people as long as everyone involved is aware and consenting to all aspects of the relationships.

That can be swinging, poly relationships, emotional monogamy with sexual non monogamous relationships, etc.

Basically, anything where you are throwing out the societal norms of relationships but making it work for you.

[foolishowl@social.coop]

@minego Ethically it's fine, but emotionally I can't handle maintaining more than one intimate relationship.

[minego@pdx.social]

@foolishowl There are many forms of relationships that fit under the ENM umbrella. Not all relationships need that, as long as all parties know what the relationship is and agree to it.

[minego@pdx.social]

@foolishowl and, I hope it goes without saying but I will anyway, choosing not to for any reason is absolutely and entirely valid.

[autisticdoctorstruggles@mas.to]

@minego @dyani I also think ND folk are maybe more open, as I don't think we usually see any moral objections to ENM. I certainly don't. For me personally I can't imagine really "dealing" with multiple people and making sure all parts are well-communicated to and happy, my personal limiting factor would be social battery. So I am very happy in a relationship that's monogamous as agreed on by both parts

[minego@pdx.social]

@AutisticDoctorStruggles
@dyani My partner and I have mostly had relationships with other couples, where the boundaries are very clear.

Everyone involved has a primary committed partner, and a clear understanding of what everyone else wants from the relationship.

It has allowed us to be social in a more controlled and predictable way, and we can step away when one or both of us needs a break.

[autisticdoctorstruggles@mas.to]

@minego @dyani that sounds like an awesome solution for you! ️

[minego@pdx.social]

@AutisticDoctorStruggles
@dyani It has been really amazing!

It lets us be very confident and direct in ways that we could normally never do. It has let us both understand ourselves so much better.

Watching my partner finding her confidence has been so amazing.

[autisticdoctorstruggles@mas.to]

@minego I am really happy fo you both! Great that it has been so enriching @dyani

[minego@pdx.social]

@AutisticDoctorStruggles It has also allowed us both to be so much more open and honest with each other. For so long we avoided talking about any desires or needs that could possibly trigger jealousy.

But, now that we understand that we both feel the same and that we have ways to explore these feelings and desires safely, we can be more open.

@dyani

[mxjaygrant@triangletoot.party]

@minego autistic and ENM in theory but also moderately/severely disabled and mono in practice because I don't have the energy for more than one romantic relationship at a time

[energetic_nova@mastodon.social]

@minego

If there was a used to button, would have clicked that. But we are just so much lazier in our 30’s.

[minego@pdx.social]

@mxjaygrant A handful of people have said similar things.

[minego@pdx.social]

@Energetic_Nova My goal was to learn more about how people feel about relationships, especially around sex, more than about what people are currently actually doing.

So, yeah, I think that counts.