I have a question for others in the #kink / #BDSM community.
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I have a question for others in the #kink / #BDSM community.
How – if at all – do you emotionally handle the insanely uncomfortable thematic associations of some kink elements with their real-life traumatic equivalents?
A massive part of the reason why I haven't been particularly active in the kink subculture lately is that I've been feeling increasingly sick and nauseous about my and others' kinks. Almost every common theme in kink is associated with insanely upsetting real life equivalents.
I feel genuinely sick from it and it completely ruined my kink life. I can hardly enjoy anything anymore.
How am I supposed to enjoy CNC, bullying, violence, crying, bloodplay and such after witnessing or hearing about my partners' and friends' violent assault trauma?
How am I supposed to feel about a blackmail or coercion kink after learning and witnessing how this happens to innocent queer people on the internet every day?
How am I supposed to feel excited about my girlfriend's Segufix restraints when they're the same exact things by the same brand used to torture innocent folks in psychiatric care right now?
How am I supposed to fetishise literal slavery? Domestic servitude? Misogyny? Torture? Abuse? Cult indoctrination? Mind control and manipulation? Gaslighting?
How do y'all do it these days? There's hardly anything left that isn't making me sick to the stomach.
It wasn't a problem earlier, but now that I know about or even personally witnessed so many horrific things about the world, I can't do it anymore.
It's not that I lost these kinks or don't want to do them anymore, it's the insane guilt of treating them like a game when these same things, tools and dynamics are being used to literally brutally torture innocent folks like us, queer kids, hopeful activists, vulnerable people, the whole world over.
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I have a question for others in the #kink / #BDSM community.
How – if at all – do you emotionally handle the insanely uncomfortable thematic associations of some kink elements with their real-life traumatic equivalents?
A massive part of the reason why I haven't been particularly active in the kink subculture lately is that I've been feeling increasingly sick and nauseous about my and others' kinks. Almost every common theme in kink is associated with insanely upsetting real life equivalents.
I feel genuinely sick from it and it completely ruined my kink life. I can hardly enjoy anything anymore.
How am I supposed to enjoy CNC, bullying, violence, crying, bloodplay and such after witnessing or hearing about my partners' and friends' violent assault trauma?
How am I supposed to feel about a blackmail or coercion kink after learning and witnessing how this happens to innocent queer people on the internet every day?
How am I supposed to feel excited about my girlfriend's Segufix restraints when they're the same exact things by the same brand used to torture innocent folks in psychiatric care right now?
How am I supposed to fetishise literal slavery? Domestic servitude? Misogyny? Torture? Abuse? Cult indoctrination? Mind control and manipulation? Gaslighting?
How do y'all do it these days? There's hardly anything left that isn't making me sick to the stomach.
It wasn't a problem earlier, but now that I know about or even personally witnessed so many horrific things about the world, I can't do it anymore.
It's not that I lost these kinks or don't want to do them anymore, it's the insane guilt of treating them like a game when these same things, tools and dynamics are being used to literally brutally torture innocent folks like us, queer kids, hopeful activists, vulnerable people, the whole world over.
@lianna - some of that stuff I just flat-out don't accept. Which means that there are a lot of events and venues that aren't for me, and that I won't attend. I have zero patience for shit like people who unironically call themselves "slaves", romanticizing "1950s lifestyle", public CNC play and rape-play (because fuck you, enthusiastic consent means *from everyone, including spectators*), race-play, etc. I don't buy into the notion that "your kink is not my kink but your kink is okay" should mean subjecting myself to trauma just so that you can be lazy and not do the hard work of carefully curating and contextualizing your scene.
I'm into some fairly hardcore edge-play myself. I'm also a professional creator of theatre, and a former professional domme. I take consent seriously and care deeply about audiences. If I'm going to be doing something scary like rough body play or a scene that reads like abuse? I'm making DAMN sure the environment is appropriate and that anyone present feels agency and safety in that room.
And I'm not shy about saying exactly why I won't attend events where that isn't a priority for people.
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R relay@relay.infosec.exchange shared this topic
