CIRCLE WITH A DOT

Fucking Nepo-Baby.#ReligionIsPoison #ShitIFind #TheOnion

‘Garfield’ Director Begs Chris Pratt To Stop Ad-Libbing Bible VersesLOS ANGELES—In a desperate effort to get production of the animated film sequel back on schedule, Garfield Movie 2 director Mark Dindal reportedly begged lead voice actor Chris Pratt to stop ad-libbing Bible verses Thursday. “The line is ‘Is that lasagna I smell?’ not ‘A companion of gluttons shames his father,’ ” said Dindal, s…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/garfield-director-begs-chris-pratt-to-stop-ad-libbing-bible-verses/

GameStop Offers $56 Billion To Buy eBay #TheOnion https://twp.ai/E5BYGn

Capitol Tour Guide Keeps Pointing Out Hidden Spots With Uninterrupted Sight LinesThe post Capitol Tour Guide Keeps Pointing Out Hidden Spots With Uninterrupted Sight Lines appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/capitol-tour-guide-keeps-pointing-out-hidden-spots-with-uninterrupted-sight-lines/

Polite Cult Member Assumes Reason Penises Cut Off Will Eventually Come Up In ConversationBOULDER, CO—Assuring himself that the rationale for the ritualized surgery would be revealed in due course, cult member Jason Fitzpatrick told reporters Friday that he assumed the reason everyone’s penises were cut off would eventually come up in conversation. “The last thing I want to…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/polite-cult-member-assumes-reason-penises-cut-off-will-eventually-come-up-in-conversation/

Declaring that the frightening incident underscored a point he had been making for many years,… #TheOnion https://twp.ai/E5A4QK

Now that's a fashion statement!https://www.them.us/story/infowars-licensed-the-onion-rainbow-logo #Infowars #TheOnion #media

Disney Promises ‘Star Wars’ Fans A New Era Of Blind Stabs At What They Seemed To Like BeforeBURBANK, CA—Hinting at an exciting new phase for the beloved franchise, the Walt Disney Co. released a statement Friday promising Star Wars fans a new era of blind stabs at what they seemed to like before. “Fans of the rich world George Lucas created can expect a consistent output …#theonionhttps://theonion.com/disney-promises-star-wars-fans-a-new-era-of-blind-stabs-at-what-they-seemed-to-like-before/

Not to be an a-hole everyone but The Onion doesn't own InfoWars, they have leased it for 6-months for $81,000 per month with an option to keep leasing it. #TheOnion #InfoWars

Once in a while we idly wonder whatever happened with @TheOnion's purchase of InfoWars. We finally have an answer. According to Bryce P. Tetraeder, CEO of The Onion's parent company, Global Tetrahedron: "At long last, InfoWars is ours." Read more about their plans — and the swag — here.https://flip.it/_a_k_c#TheOnion #InfoWars #News #Media

@WarnerCrocker Holy heck, the ads!

@theonion The Onion promises Infowars will be filled with ads and scams to the rafters. So, an improvement over when Alex Jones ran it.

Soaring Gas Prices Forcing More Americans To Drink Less GasThe post Soaring Gas Prices Forcing More Americans To Drink Less Gas appeared first on The Onion.#theonionhttps://theonion.com/soaring-gas-prices-forcing-more-americans-to-drink-less-gas/

Increased Work Commitments Causing Man To Neglect AlcoholWATERBURY, CT—Admitting his career had come between him and what mattered most, local man Andrew Tesser confirmed Thursday that mounting work obligations had caused him to seriously neglect his relationship with alcohol. “I thought I had it under control, but then I got promoted, and suddenly I was skipping every happy hour to stay late on […]The …#theonionhttps://theonion.com/increased-work-commitments-causing-man-to-neglect-alcohol/

Nick Offerman Visits Criterion Closet To Rebuild ShelvesNEW YORK—In an eight-hour-long video posted Tuesday to the Criterion Collection’s YouTube channel, actor Nick Offerman can be seen paying a visit to the Criterion Closet to rebuild the film library’s shelves. “Don’t tell me you’ve been using particle board in here,” said the 55-year-old woodworker, who frowned, rolled up his sleeves, and began unshel…#theonionhttps://theonion.com/nick-offerman-visits-criterion-closet-to-rebuild-shelves/