Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here
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@arthfach @irina @sharkNserg In terms of general communication I agree, that neither has to be small, nor even talk, which is a specific form of exchange.
Even just nodding and smiling alone works better for some of us, as it's potentially perceived as an order of magnitude less pretentious.
Talking about disabilities also hints at misunderstanding the double empathy problem altogether I think, as both "sides" are perfectly fine by themselves - it's the interactions that aren't. -
@Coffee@toot.cafe @sharkNserg@plush.city If the purpose of small talk is to make friendly noises, then meowing is also a form of small talk
@Stephanie small babby kitty talk
@Coffee @sharkNserg -
Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here
@sharkNserg tech-oriented people might see it this way: your algorithm doesn't just immediately start dumping data, right? It checks "is the other party ready to receive, what bandwidth can they handle, which protocols do they support?"
I've had folks come up to me and immediately launch into a rant, and I'm thinking "hey! I'm in a grumpy mood, I don't have much time, another day I'd have been happy to hear you but this was impolite"
Small talk is meant to gauge availability and mood, before introducing potential topics for deeper conversation, with mutual consent.
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Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here
@sharkNserg I've known its purpose for ages and I still hate it.
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Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here
@sharkNserg
Whenever I'm hiking I always give a friendly "Howdy!" When I pass some one.
Just she we all know no ones a murderer -
@billiglarper
I love the German way – just be sure to only drink in moderation or it becomes quite the downer!
@lornajane @adar @sharkNserg -
Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here
@sharkNserg last smalltalk I had to endure was to the tune of "we must seize the means of production" so your audience definitely makes a difference
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@billiglarper @adar @sharkNserg Any tips for making it sound less like an interrogation?
@lornajane @billiglarper @sharkNserg
When my small talk gets a bit like an interogation it's because I'm feeling anxious. So for me, it's about self soothing. And after reading this thread... it's about self soothing for long enough, while making small talk, for me to perceive the other person as un-threatening (if that is the reality). -
Based on my replies, I get the feeling people on Fedi are more likely to feel attacked by this, so, please take my reassurance:
It is ok to not like small talk, it is okay to be bad at it, it is okay to wish you didn't get put into situations where you feel like you're forced into it
All this post is for is demystifying why others do it and why it's not bad or shallow that they do it
@sharkNserg This really resonated with me. Loved the perspective.
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I like to make eye contact, yawn broadly and then walk away. This shows that we aren't threatening to each other!
@mycotropic @sharkNserg wait? I thought you were supposed to blink slowly, then avoid eye contact and sit quietly while very pointedly looking elsewhere -
@mycotropic @sharkNserg wait? I thought you were supposed to blink slowly, then avoid eye contact and sit quietly while very pointedly looking elsewhere
I think that both approaches are interpreted as low threat which is, I think, the point!
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