Saw this elsewhere, thought it'd be a good to share here

[clayote@peoplemaking.games]

@vapaad @sharkNserg Speaking for myself, but also a common experience among autistics: it took me a very long time to get a sense of what the average person considers to be "too serious for someone I just met".

It didn't help that it's pretty common for people to universalize their own conversational "weights"; so, for instance, the dictum "never talk about politics with someone you've just met," even construed narrowly to refer just to partisan electoral politics, is still a bad rule! I don't want to be friends with Trumpists, and using a vague "orange man bad"-level slogan as a feeler is also small talk. I recommend it.

Yet people advised me against that all the time, honestly believing they were being helpful, when they were really offloading their emotional baggage on me. It sucks if your own politics small talk made you unpopular, but that's either your problem, or theirs.

[coffee@toot.cafe]

@ozzelot meow!

@Stephanie

[simondassow@masto.ai]

@arthfach @irina @sharkNserg In terms of general communication I agree, that neither has to be small, nor even talk, which is a specific form of exchange.
Even just nodding and smiling alone works better for some of us, as it's potentially perceived as an order of magnitude less pretentious.
Talking about disabilities also hints at misunderstanding the double empathy problem altogether I think, as both "sides" are perfectly fine by themselves - it's the interactions that aren't.

[tattie@eldritch.cafe]

@Stephanie small babby kitty talk
@Coffee @sharkNserg

[tattie@eldritch.cafe]

@sharkNserg tech-oriented people might see it this way: your algorithm doesn't just immediately start dumping data, right? It checks "is the other party ready to receive, what bandwidth can they handle, which protocols do they support?"

I've had folks come up to me and immediately launch into a rant, and I'm thinking "hey! I'm in a grumpy mood, I don't have much time, another day I'd have been happy to hear you but this was impolite"

Small talk is meant to gauge availability and mood, before introducing potential topics for deeper conversation, with mutual consent.

[admiralmemo@mastodon.social]

@sharkNserg I've known its purpose for ages and I still hate it.

[nagaram@gts.thinkstoomuch.net]

@sharkNserg

Whenever I'm hiking I always give a friendly "Howdy!" When I pass some one.

Just she we all know no ones a murderer

[curiousicae@tech.lgbt]

@billiglarper
I love the German way – just be sure to only drink in moderation or it becomes quite the downer!
@lornajane @adar @sharkNserg

[zompetto@mastodon.art]

@sharkNserg last smalltalk I had to endure was to the tune of "we must seize the means of production" so your audience definitely makes a difference

[adar@social.coop]

@lornajane @billiglarper @sharkNserg
When my small talk gets a bit like an interogation it's because I'm feeling anxious. So for me, it's about self soothing. And after reading this thread... it's about self soothing for long enough, while making small talk, for me to perceive the other person as un-threatening (if that is the reality).

[pwloftus@pwl.farted.net]

@sharkNserg This really resonated with me. Loved the perspective.

[valhalla@social.gl-como.it]

@mycotropic @sharkNserg wait? I thought you were supposed to blink slowly, then avoid eye contact and sit quietly while very pointedly looking elsewhere

[mycotropic@beige.party]

@valhalla @sharkNserg

I think that both approaches are interpreted as low threat which is, I think, the point!