So, looking at job ads in the UK.
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@DarkSheepArts I interviewed with a CTO that described themselves as "an ideas engine" I mentally translated this to "bell end" Another gem was being asked what my superpower was? My thought was that I'm not fucking eight years old!
@kersnazzle
"I can detect bullshitters who don't know how to interview a candidate. It's a pretty niche power."
@DarkSheepArts -
@kersnazzle
"I can detect bullshitters who don't know how to interview a candidate. It's a pretty niche power."
@DarkSheepArts@xinit I really wish that I was quick witted enough to have said that. Dammit!
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So, looking at job ads in the UK. Mentally translating some of the jargon:
"Busy, fast paced environment" - Impossible workloads
"Friendly team" - welcome back to secondary school, fit in or die
"Creative environment" - we absolutely do not plan a single thing we do
"Proactive self starter" - We don't understand this job but we're hoping you do
"Motivated and committed" - you live here now.
(I'm probably being unfair, I'm sure there are some good places)
@DarkSheepArts “exciting and fast paced!” We push untested changes to production environments on a Friday afternoon
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So, looking at job ads in the UK. Mentally translating some of the jargon:
"Busy, fast paced environment" - Impossible workloads
"Friendly team" - welcome back to secondary school, fit in or die
"Creative environment" - we absolutely do not plan a single thing we do
"Proactive self starter" - We don't understand this job but we're hoping you do
"Motivated and committed" - you live here now.
(I'm probably being unfair, I'm sure there are some good places)
@DarkSheepArts In my last job they let people have "freedom to make their own decisions in the projects", which just meant that they would make you responsible for the manager's incompetence.
They also offered "mental health support", which in my experience was misused to make individuals responsible for the consequences of systemic issues.
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@DarkSheepArts I have never understood the supposed allure of "fast-paced." Being a go-getter rarely gets rewarded, but rather just increases your workload so that you now work the jobs of two people, saving the company a ton of money.
@kimlockhartga @DarkSheepArts You save the company a lot of money at the expense of your own mental and physical health. Chronic stress can lead to autoimmune diseases.
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So, looking at job ads in the UK. Mentally translating some of the jargon:
"Busy, fast paced environment" - Impossible workloads
"Friendly team" - welcome back to secondary school, fit in or die
"Creative environment" - we absolutely do not plan a single thing we do
"Proactive self starter" - We don't understand this job but we're hoping you do
"Motivated and committed" - you live here now.
(I'm probably being unfair, I'm sure there are some good places)
@DarkSheepArts I once saw an advertisement for a job in a call centre. One of their points was "you will be stressed!", as if it was a good challenge.
I wish I had a picture of that thing.
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So, looking at job ads in the UK. Mentally translating some of the jargon:
"Busy, fast paced environment" - Impossible workloads
"Friendly team" - welcome back to secondary school, fit in or die
"Creative environment" - we absolutely do not plan a single thing we do
"Proactive self starter" - We don't understand this job but we're hoping you do
"Motivated and committed" - you live here now.
(I'm probably being unfair, I'm sure there are some good places)
@DarkSheepArts
"We treat everyone like family."
You will work lots of unpaid overtime. -
@xinit @DarkSheepArts oh I thought that was code for micro-managing middle managers
@JennyFluff @xinit @DarkSheepArts what amazing alliteration. Kudos
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So, looking at job ads in the UK. Mentally translating some of the jargon:
"Busy, fast paced environment" - Impossible workloads
"Friendly team" - welcome back to secondary school, fit in or die
"Creative environment" - we absolutely do not plan a single thing we do
"Proactive self starter" - We don't understand this job but we're hoping you do
"Motivated and committed" - you live here now.
(I'm probably being unfair, I'm sure there are some good places)
@DarkSheepArts "Proactive, self-starter" generally means, "We expect you to make executive decisions without having any actual executive authority, much less any guidance from upper management—forcing you to play mind-reading games is an essential part of the process of how we evaluate your work, after all—but you will of course shoulder the blame if anything you do doesn't improve profitability by double-digits every quarter."
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@DarkSheepArts I interviewed with a CTO that described themselves as "an ideas engine" I mentally translated this to "bell end" Another gem was being asked what my superpower was? My thought was that I'm not fucking eight years old!
@kersnazzle @DarkSheepArts this is why I utterly despise interviews
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@Her_Doing @DarkSheepArts My favorite is when the business says "we're a family!", as if most families are not deeply dysfunctional
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@DarkSheepArts I have never understood the supposed allure of "fast-paced." Being a go-getter rarely gets rewarded, but rather just increases your workload so that you now work the jobs of two people, saving the company a ton of money.
I suspect that it's supposed to appeal to people who still have lots of energy and imagine that working harder or longer hours will help them get ahead faster.
It may get them more hours of overtime money, which means the same thing to a lot of people starting out.
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@DarkSheepArts "like family": Your supervisor will downplay your needs if you are disabled and without children, compared to the parents, and furthermore will act like they appointed themself your new parent. Also you are 12; that's how the theory works, right?
@grimoirebizarre
That 12 may be generous.The gaslighting / bullying in some jobs will treat you like ...
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@DarkSheepArts "Some overtime required, as necessary" : You live here now.
Oh I know this one
More overtime available = our project and budget is so badly managed that everyone is doing overtime for the extra money and if you don't you're out
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@DarkSheepArts In my last job they let people have "freedom to make their own decisions in the projects", which just meant that they would make you responsible for the manager's incompetence.
They also offered "mental health support", which in my experience was misused to make individuals responsible for the consequences of systemic issues.
@PurpleShadow
Wow, I hadn't thought of it that way before.Or unavailable team leaders or managers make everyone else responsible by default, unless there's an award in which case you'll be ignored.
@DarkSheepArts -
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