When you block or mute someone, should you tell them?
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@evan I might tell other people that I'm connected to that I have blocked or muted someone so they know they won't have to deal with that person when they're connected to me. The blocked or muted person will figure it out.
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@evan feels passive aggressive to me to do so, like an attempt to get the last lick in before going la la la cant hear you
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@evan Any time someone has reached out to me to let me know that they're blocking/muting me and why, it /always/ makes me feel worse about it and I imagine I'm not alone in that.
I can respect the gesture of trying to take away the "why did they do that though?" but it never actually works as intended, it just feels like rubbing salt in the wound.
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@evan
We have an old saying in Germany: Be wise, block quietly. (Sei weise, kill leise). Sometimes, however, it makes sense to mention the block in a final reply (and really more for everyone else who might be following the dispute).So, a Yes, but...
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If you're in a moderator role, it makes sense to tell people why they've been banned/blocked/muted.
Otherwise, it is what it is, and we don't need to discuss it.
I regularly engage in what I call content sculpting where I'm fine-tuning my feed like a graphic equalizer. It's nothing personal. I'm probably just not interested.
Exception where I would say something is if this person is being a major asshole or a Nazi. Then, my hope is other people will also block them. But this is rare.
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@evan Yes, but. When I've had a conversation and then been blocked, I've often wished that the person would tell me why, or offer me a chance to apologise. Maybe the other person is right and I'm wrong; maybe I've said something that, on reflection, I regret.
Muting I think is less serious: sometimes it's just someone wanting a pause, which is perfectly reasonable.
If there's someone you just don't want to read, generally not following suffices, but sometimes a quiet block is the solution.
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@evan@cosocial.ca girl I block about fifteen people a day, I'm not writing each one an apology first
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No, but sometimes I really, really want to do it anyway.
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@evan@cosocial.ca girl I block about fifteen people a day, I'm not writing each one an apology first
@evan@cosocial.ca my previous answer was flippant...
The question seems to ask whether we have some moral obligation to inform people, to which I think the answer is obviously not. If somebody I'm not expecting knocks on my door, I have no obligation to open it or even to be at home. The knocking can just be un-acked.
But... I still voted "no, but". I definitely think you can tell them, and it might even be a kind thing to do, depending on the previous relationship you've had. I would feel pretty bad if I was close with somebody, or they depended on me, and then I locked them out of my life without a word.
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@evan Block and Mute are like Bubble Tape
bubble gum: For you. Not them. -
@evan I'd say no. I don't want to know if I've been blocked. I'm not for everyone and i know that, but if I'm not for you, I don't need to know about it. Just block and move on. It's not like the other person can stop you from blocking them anyway, so just do it and don't be passive aggressive. I might tell someone else "Oh I have that person blocked," but never directly saying to that person "I am blocking you."
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@evan@cosocial.ca my previous answer was flippant...
The question seems to ask whether we have some moral obligation to inform people, to which I think the answer is obviously not. If somebody I'm not expecting knocks on my door, I have no obligation to open it or even to be at home. The knocking can just be un-acked.
But... I still voted "no, but". I definitely think you can tell them, and it might even be a kind thing to do, depending on the previous relationship you've had. I would feel pretty bad if I was close with somebody, or they depended on me, and then I locked them out of my life without a word.
@danso I think of this as more a question of etiquette of morality; what's the proper thing to do.
You don't really block 15 people a day, do you?
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@evan@cosocial.ca my previous answer was flippant...
The question seems to ask whether we have some moral obligation to inform people, to which I think the answer is obviously not. If somebody I'm not expecting knocks on my door, I have no obligation to open it or even to be at home. The knocking can just be un-acked.
But... I still voted "no, but". I definitely think you can tell them, and it might even be a kind thing to do, depending on the previous relationship you've had. I would feel pretty bad if I was close with somebody, or they depended on me, and then I locked them out of my life without a word.
@danso that's really interesting. Thanks for the thoughts.
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@evan i block/mute a lot of people for being russian or sometimes pro-trump/trump-like entities in other countries, and in that case i usually leave a snarky remark after blocking as a public post
but mostly not
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@mpjgregoire@cosocial.ca @evan@cosocial.ca the actual number varies, but I block every commenter that's hostile or bad-faith if it comes from somebody I don't know, even when their comment is not directed at me.
A few days ago there was a post on fecesbook about the ALF in France burning 15 refrigerated trucks that got a lot of attention. I probably blocked > 100 people that day.
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@evan "no, but" sometimes I can't help myself 🤭
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@evan
Yes, generally because it's a learning opportunity. If not for them, then for others.
But... if muting a person who isn't a troll, but just too much, then quietly muting is kinder -
@evan feels passive aggressive to me to do so, like an attempt to get the last lick in before going la la la cant hear you
@kim Calling that kind of behaviour _passive_ aggressive seems generous.
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@mpjgregoire@cosocial.ca @evan@cosocial.ca the actual number varies, but I block every commenter that's hostile or bad-faith if it comes from somebody I don't know, even when their comment is not directed at me.
A few days ago there was a post on fecesbook about the ALF in France burning 15 refrigerated trucks that got a lot of attention. I probably blocked > 100 people that day.
@danso
Why? I mean, maybe they deserve to be blocked, but maybe even without a block you'll never cross paths with them again... -
@danso
Why? I mean, maybe they deserve to be blocked, but maybe even without a block you'll never cross paths with them again...@mpjgregoire@cosocial.ca when I learned that nearly all the hateful posts online are made by < 1% of its users, it got me thinking maybe I could create a curated internet by just blocking them all.
I still see hateful posts sometimes, so it hasn't totally worked (yet).
But I just think, if this person is hateful, why give them a chance to direct their hate at me? Why wait? If blocking hundreds of people means I don't get a hateful message later, it'll be worth it.
So far I've never regretted a block. It hasn't happened that I've met somebody in person and had an awkward moment of "oh, I've got your account blocked on [whatever]". On the other hand, when controversial posts get hundreds of comments, it's normal that I'm only shown 80-90% of them (when logged in).
Things escalated during the municipal elections, when I ran as candidate for city council. Since I'm openly genderqueer and vegan -- two of the most hated demographics -- I got... a few hateful private messages. And since then I've wondered how many I didn't get because I had such a long block-list already.
