If you have to do or participate in something in order to survive, it's not a privilege, right?
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@revoluciana @pathfinder to be clear, not a negation. Forming a second theory by leveraging your first.
I read this and I can see substituting "autistics" for "trans women" and "unmasking" for "coming out" and it reads just as true. Many of us have similarly struggled to live in this world that was not built for us.
Goddamn. As an autistic girl, yes, I definitely agree.
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Goddamn. As an autistic girl, yes, I definitely agree.
@revoluciana @pathfinder I guess you read what I meant. "Unmasking" for "coming out".
ADHD error crept in.
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Reading the first couple paragraphs of this article, I realized I actually saw that happen.
On the newest season of The Traitors, one of the guys tells another guy he's a "really good actor" (in a snide way). The other guy actually had just gone through a whole scandal bc he was engaged to a woman and then cheated on her with a man before eventually publicly coming out as gay.
The man had been in the closet his whole life. And he shot right back about it to shut the first guy down.
Everyone in that moment recognized what an awful thing the suggestion was; that he was "acting" and "privileged" for being able to "pretend" for so long.
Fascinating to see on TV.
@CordiallyChloe @KatS oh wow. That's. Oof. I don't watch the show but I'm interested in seeing the exchange. Do you remember which episode (and maybe what platform?)
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@revoluciana @pathfinder I guess you read what I meant. "Unmasking" for "coming out".
ADHD error crept in.
️Haha, yes. I understood what you meant just glancing when I saw the words autistic and unmasking.
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@JoscelynTransient @faithisleaping
You're wonderful (as are you, too Faith). All of what I'm saying is in good faith (no pun intended), and I know yours is, too.
I can see how it would seem like I'm concerned with oppression olympics given the topic, but I assure you that's not my point of concern. My point of concern, oddly enough since you brought it up, is similar to the "male socialization" issue.
The arguments that we have/had male privilege and "male socialization" (which I also am not a proponent of this view), is that these are the basis of the same points that are used by TERFs to deny us our womanhood, to deny us our spaces. It's the same reason why a queer organization won't hire trans women and only hire trans mascs and other AFAB queer people.
These same arguments are all of the reasons why even in so many queer spaces, let alone in the wider world, we are separated and blocked.
Like, it's not about oppression olympics, but again, I can see why it would look that way. It's the practical matter of using the language of original sin in order to lord over us that we'll never be real women (and perhaps more significantly, that we will always be men) because of our privilege and so-called socialization.
I think Julia Serrano explains so many of the effects better in the why are we denied the closet piece: https://juliaserano.medium.com/why-are-amab-trans-people-denied-the-closet-7fd5c740ce30
This is more to the heart of my point.
@JoscelynTransient @faithisleaping
Btw, Joscelyn, I absolutely know you have far more grounding in social theory than me and I hope you don't feel invalidated or concerned about my feelings or exploration. All the above from my end I want to be sure to acknowledge to you is out of respect for the fact that this is not my background. Mine is more related to power dynamics in other sorts of contexts, so I apply an outside knowledge to this particular context, and it can get messy when I do. I absolutely appreciate you and your perspective, and I wouldn't have posted if I didn't want people with your insight and expertise to help educate me. Even if my ability to absorb it is a bit thick. But I'm posting specifically *because* I don't see what see, and I want to better understand.
I just wanted to say that because I think based on your language, you might feel like I might not be receptive to what you have to say or that I would be upset by it.
And honestly, the IRL conversation last night was not helped by inebriation, and it was very heated, and the IRL conversation very much made me feel invalidated, so some of what I was posting was trying to help sort out an IRL mess that I was dealing with because my mental and emotional load couldn't carry it.
All that is to say, I appreciate you, friend.
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@CordiallyChloe @KatS oh wow. That's. Oof. I don't watch the show but I'm interested in seeing the exchange. Do you remember which episode (and maybe what platform?)
@revoluciana @KatS Looks like it was S4E5. It's on Peacock.
I actually REALLY enjoyed the season. If you like deception board games (or even if you've never tried one), you might enjoy it as well.
There is additional context - the gay guy was actually abusive to women in the past. So it's not like he's a saint here. But that doesn't make the homophobia acceptable.
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@revoluciana @KatS Looks like it was S4E5. It's on Peacock.
I actually REALLY enjoyed the season. If you like deception board games (or even if you've never tried one), you might enjoy it as well.
There is additional context - the gay guy was actually abusive to women in the past. So it's not like he's a saint here. But that doesn't make the homophobia acceptable.
Totally understand. Thank you for this!
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Do Bacha Posh have male privilege?
Bacha Posh are Afghan girls who are *forced* to act and "live as" boys for the sake of her family, to act as an escort for the women in her family, to access education, to keep her family from starving, and other variety of reasons.
If she is forced to do this against her will in order to access the privilege only given to men, or even for survival, then does that automatically mean she has male privilege?
She accesses male only *privileges* but not in a way I would call "male privilege" in the general sense.
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@JoscelynTransient @faithisleaping
Btw, Joscelyn, I absolutely know you have far more grounding in social theory than me and I hope you don't feel invalidated or concerned about my feelings or exploration. All the above from my end I want to be sure to acknowledge to you is out of respect for the fact that this is not my background. Mine is more related to power dynamics in other sorts of contexts, so I apply an outside knowledge to this particular context, and it can get messy when I do. I absolutely appreciate you and your perspective, and I wouldn't have posted if I didn't want people with your insight and expertise to help educate me. Even if my ability to absorb it is a bit thick. But I'm posting specifically *because* I don't see what see, and I want to better understand.
I just wanted to say that because I think based on your language, you might feel like I might not be receptive to what you have to say or that I would be upset by it.
And honestly, the IRL conversation last night was not helped by inebriation, and it was very heated, and the IRL conversation very much made me feel invalidated, so some of what I was posting was trying to help sort out an IRL mess that I was dealing with because my mental and emotional load couldn't carry it.
All that is to say, I appreciate you, friend.
@revoluciana @faithisleaping don’t worry, i am getting the sense that it’s more being caught in that argument and all the feels it brought up, rather than an academic discussion. And that’s understandable- having someone invalidate you and your experience hurts, and is endlessly frustrating.
Honestly, I’d suggest more writing about how the way this person and others use these ideas makes you feel. Get out those feelings and express them, because that seems to be what’s really on your mind, right? Rather than actually digging into the social science of this stuff. Then maybe after that, you can come back to what theory and research actually say about these things more broadly and with nuance in trying to improve understanding?
I did try to articulate at least a little that the way TERFs and such conceptualize it is the problem, and they are the one’s using this framing. And in an argument about this, rather than arguing about how to theorize male privilege, I would say change the field of discussion and don’t fight the battle they’re trying to make you fight. I keep trying to write out examples, but it’s all coming out wrong…not having context makes it really hard to reframe
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@DavidM_yeg that's inherently my point. This is helpful.
You're afforded these things because of the way society and systems reward you simply because of who you are.
Even if a trans woman *was* afforded these things before coming out (we're often not afforded these things), it's not afforded because of who she is, but because of who she was punished into pretending to be. In other words, she had to sacrifice in order to get those things. She had to sacrifice her entire self through torture and pain in order to have them. That doesn't feel like privilege when it's paid for through sacrifice.
“You're afforded these things because of the way society and systems reward you simply because of who you are.”
I don’t think that’s quite true… I have privilege because of who the system has *decided* who I am, in the moment. That’s quite different, bc my internal experience is … irrelevant. This is part of how these systems are oppressive; by reducing people to categories and objects. But meanwhile privilege is real regardless of my feelings or experience of it.
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If you have to do or participate in something in order to survive, it's not a privilege, right? It can't possibly be? I feel like we've already established this. Am I wrong?
@revoluciana Imagine a tech job posting where you had to bet on who would get an interview, just based on their resume.
There are two resumes, equally qualified, but the names on the resumes are Mark and Linda.
Who are you placing your money on to get that interview? Because statistically it's Mark.
And it doesn't matter if Mark is actually a trans woman who hasn't transitioned yet, because that is entirely irrelevant to whether Mark had an advantaged position for the job over Linda.
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She accesses male only *privileges* but not in a way I would call "male privilege" in the general sense.
@dlakelan I appreciate this phrasing
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@revoluciana @faithisleaping don’t worry, i am getting the sense that it’s more being caught in that argument and all the feels it brought up, rather than an academic discussion. And that’s understandable- having someone invalidate you and your experience hurts, and is endlessly frustrating.
Honestly, I’d suggest more writing about how the way this person and others use these ideas makes you feel. Get out those feelings and express them, because that seems to be what’s really on your mind, right? Rather than actually digging into the social science of this stuff. Then maybe after that, you can come back to what theory and research actually say about these things more broadly and with nuance in trying to improve understanding?
I did try to articulate at least a little that the way TERFs and such conceptualize it is the problem, and they are the one’s using this framing. And in an argument about this, rather than arguing about how to theorize male privilege, I would say change the field of discussion and don’t fight the battle they’re trying to make you fight. I keep trying to write out examples, but it’s all coming out wrong…not having context makes it really hard to reframe
@JoscelynTransient @faithisleaping
Totally understand this. The only thing was that I wasn't trying to fight last night, or today for that matter, but I also know people perceive me as combative when I discuss things, and I think that's mostly related to my autism and my methods of inquiry and curiosity. So, while I was appreciating all the input and giving counterpoints on here to show my understanding (and what I'm not understanding), I think people perceive that as fighting.
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@revoluciana @faithisleaping don’t worry, i am getting the sense that it’s more being caught in that argument and all the feels it brought up, rather than an academic discussion. And that’s understandable- having someone invalidate you and your experience hurts, and is endlessly frustrating.
Honestly, I’d suggest more writing about how the way this person and others use these ideas makes you feel. Get out those feelings and express them, because that seems to be what’s really on your mind, right? Rather than actually digging into the social science of this stuff. Then maybe after that, you can come back to what theory and research actually say about these things more broadly and with nuance in trying to improve understanding?
I did try to articulate at least a little that the way TERFs and such conceptualize it is the problem, and they are the one’s using this framing. And in an argument about this, rather than arguing about how to theorize male privilege, I would say change the field of discussion and don’t fight the battle they’re trying to make you fight. I keep trying to write out examples, but it’s all coming out wrong…not having context makes it really hard to reframe
@JoscelynTransient @revoluciana @faithisleaping An idea that might help is that privilege is often about the things you don't have to think about, not some sort of magic power. Male privilege is largely about the things men don't have to notice but women absolutely must. White privilege is largely about the things white people never see but people of color live in every day. And so on.
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Here's what I'm getting at.
Trans women don't experience male privilege before coming out. It's not a privilege if you have to sacrifice everything you are in order to obtain it. And in the case of trans women, we don't even sacrifice who we are in order to obtain male privilege, we do it just to survive. I'm having such a difficult time believing it's privilege when it's bought and paid for, especially at such a high price.
@revoluciana oof, so, I have complicated thoughts on this. Bear with me.
When trans women in technical positions suddenly find themselves being underestimated and undermined by their colleagues who previously viewed them as competent, that is some form of privilege lost, right?
But it's still worth it, so it's not so cut-and-dried as being a single, unidirectional transaction. This is where I think the concept of privilege fails us, or at least doesn't permit the necessary nuance.
If we talk about protection, we can talk about appearing male as being a form of protection. It may not be healthy or wise or right, but there is some reason people might choose it anyway, and that reason can be considered a privilege, in that it's not automatic and not everyone can opt in at the drop of a hat. There are people who would choose to temporarily present as male when walking down a dark alley, but can't. They lack that option.
But again, that doesn't mean it's right or worth it or comes without repercussions. It just means it's an option -- or even something that happens without their opting in -- that some people have and some don't. The way "male privilege" is usually discussed is implicitly the much more narrow case where it's consensual and without repercussions, and that's where people end up talking at cross-purposes while using ostensibly the same language.
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Do Bacha Posh have male privilege?
Bacha Posh are Afghan girls who are *forced* to act and "live as" boys for the sake of her family, to act as an escort for the women in her family, to access education, to keep her family from starving, and other variety of reasons.
If she is forced to do this against her will in order to access the privilege only given to men, or even for survival, then does that automatically mean she has male privilege?
In certain situations she has access to male privilege but she doesn't "have" it. It is on loan to her due to specific circumstances.
It's like they are saying that someone who inhales second hand pot smoke at a rock concert (I am old) is a drug user.
Edit to add that I see that I aligned with @dlakelan on the term "access".
GMTA/FSD! -
In certain situations she has access to male privilege but she doesn't "have" it. It is on loan to her due to specific circumstances.
It's like they are saying that someone who inhales second hand pot smoke at a rock concert (I am old) is a drug user.
Edit to add that I see that I aligned with @dlakelan on the term "access".
GMTA/FSD!The Bacha Posh example reminds me of something that I read about a small demographic, I think it was within Albania. If a family has only daughters, it is acceptable if the oldest daughter (and only the oldest IIRC) who can take on the role of a son..The way that I remember it is that they had to consent to doing the new role. But once that person has accepted the new role, he was treated as a son/boy/man and would then IMO have male privilege in the community.
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@JoscelynTransient @faithisleaping
Totally understand this. The only thing was that I wasn't trying to fight last night, or today for that matter, but I also know people perceive me as combative when I discuss things, and I think that's mostly related to my autism and my methods of inquiry and curiosity. So, while I was appreciating all the input and giving counterpoints on here to show my understanding (and what I'm not understanding), I think people perceive that as fighting.
@JoscelynTransient @faithisleaping
And, don't feel the need to engage with this if you don't feel like it. Again, it's not meant as combative, just that this is where my mind is at:
It's just that, I also don't think I should have to understand something better before I post about it, you know? Especially so I can understand it through discussion on here, because where else am I supposed to go? The maybe 3 books that exist on this topic that are all outdated and likely problematic? Reddit? I just feel like we should be able to post about these things and discuss them or else I'm just going to sit here ignorant indefinitely.
Because also what I do know is my own experience, that I was *not* "male socialized." There's never even a point in my life I ever actually thought I was a boy, I always knew I was performing a role, and I didn't even pass that well pretending to be a boy, so these so-called privileges people are discussing are largely foreign to me, withheld, and only provided if I paid a price, if ever. And any of the privileges that I *might* have experienced along the way were bought with blood, tears, and my soul. I just don't understand a concept of privilege that requires paying such a high price for it against my will, and I struggle to connect with this. How is that considered privilege?
Isn't the whole point of the concept of privilege the fact that you are granted them without extra hurdles and burdens to access them? That it's not that a marginalized person can't access them, but that it's so much more difficult or burdensome, that there are more obstacles to access them. That someone privileged is just given them because of a more or less inherent attribute (whiteness? neurotypical experience? heteronormativity?), because maleness is not something inherent to me. If I was granted something, it wasn't granted to me because of my inherent nature, it was something bought through the violence that made me have to perform something I'm not.
It wouldn't be such a big deal to me if it was just about oppression olympics, but the fact that this is how people form a basis of implying that I am inherently a man because of privilege and socialization, but it's not just that, it's that it's wrong. I'm not a man. And I wasn't "socialized as" one, and I just can't picture any particular benefits as coming to me because of my "maleness" because I'm not male. They came because of the option between performance or violence. Is that truly privilege?
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@JoscelynTransient @faithisleaping
And, don't feel the need to engage with this if you don't feel like it. Again, it's not meant as combative, just that this is where my mind is at:
It's just that, I also don't think I should have to understand something better before I post about it, you know? Especially so I can understand it through discussion on here, because where else am I supposed to go? The maybe 3 books that exist on this topic that are all outdated and likely problematic? Reddit? I just feel like we should be able to post about these things and discuss them or else I'm just going to sit here ignorant indefinitely.
Because also what I do know is my own experience, that I was *not* "male socialized." There's never even a point in my life I ever actually thought I was a boy, I always knew I was performing a role, and I didn't even pass that well pretending to be a boy, so these so-called privileges people are discussing are largely foreign to me, withheld, and only provided if I paid a price, if ever. And any of the privileges that I *might* have experienced along the way were bought with blood, tears, and my soul. I just don't understand a concept of privilege that requires paying such a high price for it against my will, and I struggle to connect with this. How is that considered privilege?
Isn't the whole point of the concept of privilege the fact that you are granted them without extra hurdles and burdens to access them? That it's not that a marginalized person can't access them, but that it's so much more difficult or burdensome, that there are more obstacles to access them. That someone privileged is just given them because of a more or less inherent attribute (whiteness? neurotypical experience? heteronormativity?), because maleness is not something inherent to me. If I was granted something, it wasn't granted to me because of my inherent nature, it was something bought through the violence that made me have to perform something I'm not.
It wouldn't be such a big deal to me if it was just about oppression olympics, but the fact that this is how people form a basis of implying that I am inherently a man because of privilege and socialization, but it's not just that, it's that it's wrong. I'm not a man. And I wasn't "socialized as" one, and I just can't picture any particular benefits as coming to me because of my "maleness" because I'm not male. They came because of the option between performance or violence. Is that truly privilege?
@JoscelynTransient @faithisleaping
Just sharing this because I have so much respect for you Joscelyn. Maybe you can help explain what I don't see, or maybe it's just that I'm not being understood, either way I want to understand better.
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“You're afforded these things because of the way society and systems reward you simply because of who you are.”
I don’t think that’s quite true… I have privilege because of who the system has *decided* who I am, in the moment. That’s quite different, bc my internal experience is … irrelevant. This is part of how these systems are oppressive; by reducing people to categories and objects. But meanwhile privilege is real regardless of my feelings or experience of it.
@DavidM_yeg thank you, I'll think on this. Appreciated.
