CIRCLE WITH A DOT

@Annacats
Tie and Mandy are already 12 years old and Hakka is 9. They stayed, but in the last ten years more than 20 cats have passed through my house, all rescued from the street and given up for adoption.

@Annacats
All the cats I have now were rescued from the street and didn't have names. My two daughters are named Tie and Mandy. And the boy's name is Hakka.

@josejfernandez Thank you very much, José.

Lately, there's been too much noise in my mind, residual activity generated by the amount of information I absorb from social media, the internet, messaging apps, and various other sources. This is becoming increasingly difficult for me. My body is aging with difficulty, and my brain is becoming more and more hypersensitive to stimuli. It's not without its challenges to be autistic, bipolar, and have the "curse of intellectual ability." And that's not even mentioning the metabolic and autoimmune problems that seem to worsen with each passing year and month.
Honestly, I'm exhausted, not from activities, stimulation, or relationships anymore, but from the mere fact of having to stay alive every day. From eating and defecating to breathing and sleeping, it involves a lot of difficulties, worry, and time that I have to dedicate to it daily. The very basic functioning of my body takes a heavy toll every single day.
I can still do things—go out, walk, read, program, play guitar—but I can hardly work on anything very demanding for more than one or two hours at a time. Living like this is becoming a real nightmare. I'm a burden to my wife, I have very little work, and I don't even earn enough to buy the medication I need and my food (which is becoming increasingly restricted).
I see people on the internet romanticizing the fact of having autoimmune diseases and mental illnesses or conditions, and I wonder if they really have them and understand how awful it is to live like that.
Every achievement he has had, everything he has done throughout his life loses all meaning when he reaches this situation.
One of the things I'm considering is gradually reducing my digital activity or even quitting it altogether, but I don't do it completely because it's one of those things that keeps me entertained and prevents me from going out into the street with a chainsaw and attacking anyone who looks at me the wrong way.
Okay, enough complaining. Maybe I shouldn't even be saying this here, but this is a place where there are people like me with similar problems, and they'll be able to understand my current mood.
I'm not saying this to ask for sympathy or hugs. It's just like I have a fart stuck in my soul and I want someone to hear it so I can laugh a little at my misfortunes.
I'll think of things to share, anecdotes, lessons learned, stories, poems and tales I have saved, as if to rescue light things to compensate for the shit of anguish.

Bye..

#actuallyautistic #bipolar #autism #bipolarlife #giftedness #autoimmunedisease #autoimmune #diabetes #thyroid #hashimoto #psoriasis #psoriaticarthritis

@Mepurfield
Well, sometimes it does, but I'm used to it. You develop a tolerance threshold for discomfort. Besides, I seem to be unbreakable; my body, my bones, and my organs withstand pressure and stress at abnormal levels, I suppose due to a kind of training based on enduring illnesses and discomforts my whole life.

@Mepurfield
I could tell you about my experience of growing old while autistic. I have all those problems together.
And that's because in addition to autism I have mixed bipolar syndrome and explosive type impulse control disorder. In addition to autoimmune and metabolic disorders, autoimmune hypothyroidism, diabetes, psoriasis, psoriatic arthritis, autoimmune neurogenic deafness.
Perhaps the worst part is the gastrointestinal and sleep problems. It's always been difficult for me to sleep well, and now it's even worse. I sleep an average of 4 hours a night, 5 hours if I'm lucky. And I'm always very tired and in a very bad mood.

Edit: I'm 63 years old but it feels like 120.

@jerry Bye Vim.

@jerry No claims or refunds.

@jerry
You have been successfully ignored.

When I was 16, I wrote a poem that included the line, "Everything that is born begins to die." Had I read philosophy? No, it was quantum physics and thermodynamics. Over the years, as an adult, I encountered Zen and philosophy.
Understanding the inexorability of life, the arrow of time, and watching my elders grow old, I realized that death doesn't arrive suddenly one day; rather, it begins the moment we are born, and that death is the same process as life. My father-in-law used to say at the end of the day, "one more day, more or less" (he was quite the philosopher, that old man).
So why run if fate is decided, why fight if we will lose anyway, why calculate losses and gains if, as Schopenhauer said, life is a business that doesn't cover its costs.
Everything we do, the mere fact of being alive, generates entropy, inexorably pushing the arrow of time forward.
And entropy, physicists tell us, leads to the disintegration of all cosmic structures, to the death of the universe. And that includes me, you, the planet, everything.
Today is all I have; this present moment is the only life I have.

#zen #actuallyautistic #philosophy #physics #hereandNow #life
#blackcat

@itsfoss
Oh, how sensitive!