Car just drove by and one of the guys in it made the 🐈👅 gesture out the window at me.
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The bad experiences are rare but *extremely* memorable.
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Someone is the victim of sexual harassment and you are offended by their use of the term "all", even if you again admitted to not identifying as being addressed.
And you express that by negging the victim. Not by expressing any kind of sympathy, not by distancing yourself from the sexual harassment, but by publicly declaring that it isn't all men doing that.
Not sexually harassing someone isn't an achievement worthy of praise. Its being a decent person. Kind of like showing sympathy towards a victim.
Well, unless apparently the victim doesn't conform to the criteria of being all proper and trim with their wording. Let's ignore the fact that they experienced a traumatic event - because they used the wrong words.
What's next? Asking what they were wearing? Because they might have provoked it and called it upon themselves?
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Someone is the victim of sexual harassment and you are offended by their use of the term "all", even if you again admitted to not identifying as being addressed.
And you express that by negging the victim. Not by expressing any kind of sympathy, not by distancing yourself from the sexual harassment, but by publicly declaring that it isn't all men doing that.
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Not sexually harassing someone isn't an achievement worthy of praise. Its being a decent person. Kind of like showing sympathy towards a victim.
Well, unless apparently the victim doesn't conform to the criteria of being all proper and trim with their wording. Let's ignore the fact that they experienced a traumatic event - because they used the wrong words.
What's next? Asking what they were wearing? Because they might have provoked it and called it upon themselves?
You have very clearly distanced yourself.
Not from the sexual harassment
Not from the perpetratorBut from any form of decency towards an actual victim.
I wanted to believe that there was a misunderstanding, yet it is clear there is not.
I bid you adieu.
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Not sexually harassing someone isn't an achievement worthy of praise. Its being a decent person. Kind of like showing sympathy towards a victim.
Well, unless apparently the victim doesn't conform to the criteria of being all proper and trim with their wording. Let's ignore the fact that they experienced a traumatic event - because they used the wrong words.
What's next? Asking what they were wearing? Because they might have provoked it and called it upon themselves?
-
You have very clearly distanced yourself.
Not from the sexual harassment
Not from the perpetratorBut from any form of decency towards an actual victim.
I wanted to believe that there was a misunderstanding, yet it is clear there is not.
I bid you adieu.
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Car just drove by and one of the guys in it made the
gesture out the window at me.Not sure if it was an observation based on my aesthetic, or the threat of a
good time, but either way...guys, this is why y'all're still single.@alice I never realised how bad it was for women until my wife had me follow her at a discreet distance while she was jogging on her own. I learnt why she only went jogging with me and that many men should not be allowed out into the world with supervision.
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Car just drove by and one of the guys in it made the
gesture out the window at me.Not sure if it was an observation based on my aesthetic, or the threat of a
good time, but either way...guys, this is why y'all're still single.@alice
I am so so sorry you had to deal with that. I am here for you if you need anything at all
To the men, **all men**, when someone you know does this: tell them very clearly that that behavior is disgusting and unacceptable.
There is no justification for that behavior, and it is nothing short of sexual harassment.
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@alice I never realised how bad it was for women until my wife had me follow her at a discreet distance while she was jogging on her own. I learnt why she only went jogging with me and that many men should not be allowed out into the world with supervision.
That’s a really powerful observation. It hits hard when you experience it firsthand — seeing the constant need to be cautious and aware just to feel safe. It’s one thing to read about it or hear stories, and another to actually follow someone and realize how vulnerable everyday activities like jogging can be. Your insight also underscores the broader point: personal safety isn’t just about individual responsibility, it’s a societal issue that requires all of us to rethink behavior.
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R relay@relay.mycrowd.ca shared this topic
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@alice I never realised how bad it was for women until my wife had me follow her at a discreet distance while she was jogging on her own. I learnt why she only went jogging with me and that many men should not be allowed out into the world with supervision.
@rbphotographic
It's real, friend. If I go for a run, I either do it at the gym (although theres no guarantee I wont be harassed there either) or I carefully plan a route and time where I know the risks are minimised/CCTV/other people around. Even then, a high percentage of the time you're getting some dickhead calling out or gesticulating.
Yet when you talk about 'male privilege' some still deny it exists.
@alice -
@alice I never realised how bad it was for women until my wife had me follow her at a discreet distance while she was jogging on her own. I learnt why she only went jogging with me and that many men should not be allowed out into the world with supervision.
@rbphotographic @alice Same for my wife and I. There are certain gas stations she avoids because of where they are and the type of men who frequent them. We also always go food shopping together or I go by myself because she ALWAYS has something happen.
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R relay@relay.infosec.exchange shared this topic
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@alice
I am so so sorry you had to deal with that. I am here for you if you need anything at all To the men, **all men**, when someone you know does this: tell them very clearly that that behavior is disgusting and unacceptable.
There is no justification for that behavior, and it is nothing short of sexual harassment.
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@rbphotographic @alice Same for my wife and I. There are certain gas stations she avoids because of where they are and the type of men who frequent them. We also always go food shopping together or I go by myself because she ALWAYS has something happen.
@blainsmith @rbphotographic @alice I stopped grocery shopping. I hated it. I figure skate for exercise because it’s mostly women and gay men at the rink. I spend so much time with (mostly well behaved but oblivious) men at work that I mostly go to women-centered spaces now, especially if it’s on my own.
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@spiegelmama @Aprazeth yeah, I appreciate it. I can fight my own battles, and it usually takes a lot to rile me, but sometimes I just don't have the spoons to deal with Yet Another Wanker
¹, so I welcome the help.¹ if you're not "Yet Another Wanker
" then this isn't about you. -
@alice I never realised how bad it was for women until my wife had me follow her at a discreet distance while she was jogging on her own. I learnt why she only went jogging with me and that many men should not be allowed out into the world with supervision.
@rbphotographic
That's another part of the problem.Nobody believes without some level of "proof"
And, of course, there is no way to tell what sort of bloke the one you encounter is going to be, sometimes even when you thought you knew them well.
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@spiegelmama @Aprazeth yeah, I appreciate it. I can fight my own battles, and it usually takes a lot to rile me, but sometimes I just don't have the spoons to deal with Yet Another Wanker
¹, so I welcome the help.¹ if you're not "Yet Another Wanker
" then this isn't about you.@spiegelmama @Aprazeth ugh, the fact that I need to footnote things whenever I address or mention men¹ is evidence that men²³ are the problem⁴.
¹ not all men
² usually white men
³ not all white men
⁴ not all problems -
@alice I obviously didn't, otherwise I wouldn't have spoken up. I just wanted to point out the word "all" in your posting. I understand your sentiment, please understand mine.
@sebastian Your concern for Alice’s wording instead of the messaging says a lot about your priorities and it’s definitely not about Alice’s safety nor anyone else’s who shares this kind of experience about men.
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@spiegelmama @Aprazeth ugh, the fact that I need to footnote things whenever I address or mention men¹ is evidence that men²³ are the problem⁴.
¹ not all men
² usually white men
³ not all white men
⁴ not all problems -
@blainsmith @rbphotographic @alice I stopped grocery shopping. I hated it. I figure skate for exercise because it’s mostly women and gay men at the rink. I spend so much time with (mostly well behaved but oblivious) men at work that I mostly go to women-centered spaces now, especially if it’s on my own.
@irene @blainsmith @rbphotographic @alice they’ll bother you in a grocery shop? Regularly?
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@spiegelmama @Aprazeth ugh, the fact that I need to footnote things whenever I address or mention men¹ is evidence that men²³ are the problem⁴.
¹ not all men
² usually white men
³ not all white men
⁴ not all problems@alice @spiegelmama @Aprazeth Mike Harriot has a pretty good way of shutting up the "not all men" or the "not all white people" crowd.
Paraphrasing, if I say "Elephants trampled my grandma to death," it would be idiotic to say "Well not ALL elephants trampled your memaw!" And that's true. It wasn't all elephants; it was elephants. I'm not saying all elephants are dangerous; I'm saying elephants are dangerous.
