*Secret hilarious project* is now live!
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"Using a global bovine density dataset, previously published satellite casualty probability code, and a complete lack of funding to do this calculation carefully enough for submission to a peer-reviewed journal, we calculate a ≃ 0.3–1% chance of a cow-sualty in NZ from reentering Starlink Gen2 debris over the next 5 years."
This is NOT peer-reviewed, though we wish it was! Maybe this silly cow-culation will be enough to get some government agency to fund us to do this better!
@sundogplanets So, not a zero chance, but not cowtastrophic either. Good to know!
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*Secret hilarious project* is now live!
Astronomy has a fine tradition of April Fool's Day papers, where there are real calculations, but perhaps on a very silly topic.
Compilation of this year's Acta Prima Aprilia papers here: https://www.actaprimaaprilia.com/2026-issue
@sundogplanets This is Ignoble worthy.
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This is the highest footnote count and highest pun density of anything I've ever written. And it was WAY more fun than writing a research paper or a scicomm article!
Please enjoy reading, laugh at our puns, and then talk to your government representatives about better regulation of satellites in orbit, and accountability for their pollution!
@sundogplanets It’s rare to find magnificent bucolic content like this on a medium such as Moostodon. Thank you, and well done!
️🤭
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Along with @astrokiwi.bsky.social and Laura Revell, we wrote "Cow-culation: Reentry Impact Risk to Livestock in the Satellite Megaconstellation Era" https://arxiv.org/pdf/2603.29324
This all started because the three of us were writing about pollution from satellites and bemoaning the fact that there is basically no funding for this serious, rapidly growing issue. But you know what does get a lot of funding in NZ? Cows! And the joke began...
@sundogplanets absolutely amazing work, professor! Your cowculations are immooculate!
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*Secret hilarious project* is now live!
Astronomy has a fine tradition of April Fool's Day papers, where there are real calculations, but perhaps on a very silly topic.
Compilation of this year's Acta Prima Aprilia papers here: https://www.actaprimaaprilia.com/2026-issue
@sundogplanets Thank you, thank your thank you. These are amazing and brilliant and hilarious! "Assume a spherical cow" -- my laptop almost got drenched because I had a mouth full of coffee.
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R relay@relay.publicsquare.global shared this topic
