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  3. My son is 11,autistic, and obsessed with Minecraft.

My son is 11,autistic, and obsessed with Minecraft.

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  • starkrg@myside-yourside.netS starkrg@myside-yourside.net

    @sldrant "Now you're just arguing semantics." Yeah, no shit, I'm arguing semantics, because the meaning of the words being used to communicate directly influences what's actually being communicated. If we don't make sure we're all using approximately the same meanings, then you get the issue where the term "inflammable" was assumed to mean "not flammable".

    sldrant@mastodon.socialS This user is from outside of this forum
    sldrant@mastodon.socialS This user is from outside of this forum
    sldrant@mastodon.social
    wrote last edited by
    #13

    @StarkRG yeah, inflammable and flammable is a great example

    1 Reply Last reply
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    • nddev@infosec.spaceN nddev@infosec.space

      @StarkRG @jonm

      Autistic man here.

      Unambiguous communication is really appreciated. No one's a mind-reader, but #ActuallyAutistic people are worse at it than others. It's not just a matter of avoiding ambiguous words, either: please include all the information in your head that might be relevant. My wife Helen doesn't do this — every time she opens her mouth to speak, she leaves out one central piece of information — and it drives me scatty sometimes.

      starkrg@myside-yourside.netS This user is from outside of this forum
      starkrg@myside-yourside.netS This user is from outside of this forum
      starkrg@myside-yourside.net
      wrote last edited by
      #14

      @nddev @jonm I don't think we are worse at it than others, I think we're just different at it. We see nuance where others might not. Our processing speed is slower, but tends to be more detailed and possibly more accurate. Unfortunately, society apparently decided that only one type of thinking and existing should allowed and, if you can't do it that way as fast as other people, then you're a bad person who doesn't deserve employment.

      1 Reply Last reply
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      • fesshole@mastodon.socialF fesshole@mastodon.social

        My son is 11,autistic, and obsessed with Minecraft. I manage a team of 4 Database Engineers. At some point I started to talk to them like how the parenting courses told me to communicate with my son and the team morale and overall performance has shot up so much we got an award

        gimulnautti@mastodon.greenG This user is from outside of this forum
        gimulnautti@mastodon.greenG This user is from outside of this forum
        gimulnautti@mastodon.green
        wrote last edited by
        #15

        @fesshole Most managers never get it, that they should stick up for and defend the people who work for them first.

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        • sturmflut@mastodon.socialS sturmflut@mastodon.social

          @StarkRG @jonm This is all standard management advice, TBH, but too many people in management positions don't follow it.

          sturmflut@mastodon.socialS This user is from outside of this forum
          sturmflut@mastodon.socialS This user is from outside of this forum
          sturmflut@mastodon.social
          wrote last edited by
          #16

          @StarkRG @jonm I remember learning the following rules back in 2005 or even earlier:

          - Praise specifically and criticise generally

          - Double all time estimates made by your developers and take them to the next unit (e.g. 2 days become 4 weeks) before passing them on

          - Agree on a clear vocabulary, write it down and stick to it

          The last point especially helps with quickly seeing which employees either lack the necessary precision/focus or tend to make things overly complicated

          starkrg@myside-yourside.netS 1 Reply Last reply
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          • shadowwwind@fosstodon.orgS shadowwwind@fosstodon.org

            @fesshole i have heard from teachers, that the special courses they take when they start to teach their first autistic children, help them more to understand and manage all children, than anything they had learned before.

            inkomtech@infosec.exchangeI This user is from outside of this forum
            inkomtech@infosec.exchangeI This user is from outside of this forum
            inkomtech@infosec.exchange
            wrote last edited by
            #17

            @shadowwwind

            Cool, but adhd has another flavor of desires which resonate. One of which is: don’t make me do x a thousand times. I’d rather die.

            @fesshole

            1 Reply Last reply
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            • sturmflut@mastodon.socialS sturmflut@mastodon.social

              @StarkRG @jonm I remember learning the following rules back in 2005 or even earlier:

              - Praise specifically and criticise generally

              - Double all time estimates made by your developers and take them to the next unit (e.g. 2 days become 4 weeks) before passing them on

              - Agree on a clear vocabulary, write it down and stick to it

              The last point especially helps with quickly seeing which employees either lack the necessary precision/focus or tend to make things overly complicated

              starkrg@myside-yourside.netS This user is from outside of this forum
              starkrg@myside-yourside.netS This user is from outside of this forum
              starkrg@myside-yourside.net
              wrote last edited by
              #18

              @Sturmflut @jonm Increasing days to weeks seems like the kind of thing you'd teach if you don't want to teach how to properly estimate project timelines (or if the person in question is severely time-blind, but it's probably better to just not rely on them to make such estimates in the first place). You need buffer, but telling a client or your boss that a project that you've estimated to take five months is actually going to take a decade is ridiculous. Or a two-year project becomes 4 decades?

              B 1 Reply Last reply
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              • sturmflut@mastodon.socialS sturmflut@mastodon.social

                @StarkRG @jonm This is all standard management advice, TBH, but too many people in management positions don't follow it.

                zimzat@mastodon.socialZ This user is from outside of this forum
                zimzat@mastodon.socialZ This user is from outside of this forum
                zimzat@mastodon.social
                wrote last edited by
                #19

                @Sturmflut @StarkRG @jonm

                They don't follow it because they never got it. Most companies follow the peter principle: promote employees until they fail to train themselves.

                A good developer being promoted to management rarely includes anything more than legally mandated training so they just keep doing what they've always done or retreat into their old responsibilities when things get difficult.

                starkrg@myside-yourside.netS 1 Reply Last reply
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                • zimzat@mastodon.socialZ zimzat@mastodon.social

                  @Sturmflut @StarkRG @jonm

                  They don't follow it because they never got it. Most companies follow the peter principle: promote employees until they fail to train themselves.

                  A good developer being promoted to management rarely includes anything more than legally mandated training so they just keep doing what they've always done or retreat into their old responsibilities when things get difficult.

                  starkrg@myside-yourside.netS This user is from outside of this forum
                  starkrg@myside-yourside.netS This user is from outside of this forum
                  starkrg@myside-yourside.net
                  wrote last edited by
                  #20

                  @zimzat @Sturmflut @jonm Well, that just sounds like terrible leadership. Which isn't surprising, of course.

                  1 Reply Last reply
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                  • fesshole@mastodon.socialF fesshole@mastodon.social

                    My son is 11,autistic, and obsessed with Minecraft. I manage a team of 4 Database Engineers. At some point I started to talk to them like how the parenting courses told me to communicate with my son and the team morale and overall performance has shot up so much we got an award

                    byte@awawa.clubB This user is from outside of this forum
                    byte@awawa.clubB This user is from outside of this forum
                    byte@awawa.club
                    wrote last edited by
                    #21
                    @fesshole i wonder if that’s because IT crowd is often very autistic too
                    1 Reply Last reply
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                    • crazyeddie@mastodon.socialC This user is from outside of this forum
                      crazyeddie@mastodon.socialC This user is from outside of this forum
                      crazyeddie@mastodon.social
                      wrote last edited by
                      #22

                      @fiend_unpleasant @fesshole That's actually a really unkind thing to say.

                      fiend_unpleasant@mastodon.socialF lizzard@social.tchncs.deL fishidwardrobe@mastodon.me.ukF A 4 Replies Last reply
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                      • fesshole@mastodon.socialF fesshole@mastodon.social

                        My son is 11,autistic, and obsessed with Minecraft. I manage a team of 4 Database Engineers. At some point I started to talk to them like how the parenting courses told me to communicate with my son and the team morale and overall performance has shot up so much we got an award

                        crazyeddie@mastodon.socialC This user is from outside of this forum
                        crazyeddie@mastodon.socialC This user is from outside of this forum
                        crazyeddie@mastodon.social
                        wrote last edited by
                        #23

                        @fesshole This is because those courses are full of communication skills that are perfectly in line with how you communicate with anyone. The way autistic people like to be treated is not so fucking different from your own you gotta be making fun of how some career is full of us. It's actually not. Most database engineers are neurotypical.

                        Thanks for exposing the shitty people here.

                        1 Reply Last reply
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                        • crazyeddie@mastodon.socialC crazyeddie@mastodon.social

                          @fiend_unpleasant @fesshole That's actually a really unkind thing to say.

                          fiend_unpleasant@mastodon.socialF This user is from outside of this forum
                          fiend_unpleasant@mastodon.socialF This user is from outside of this forum
                          fiend_unpleasant@mastodon.social
                          wrote last edited by
                          #24

                          @crazyeddie @fesshole I've said worse.

                          crazyeddie@mastodon.socialC 1 Reply Last reply
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                          • fiend_unpleasant@mastodon.socialF fiend_unpleasant@mastodon.social

                            @crazyeddie @fesshole I've said worse.

                            crazyeddie@mastodon.socialC This user is from outside of this forum
                            crazyeddie@mastodon.socialC This user is from outside of this forum
                            crazyeddie@mastodon.social
                            wrote last edited by
                            #25

                            @fiend_unpleasant @fesshole I believe you.

                            fiend_unpleasant@mastodon.socialF 1 Reply Last reply
                            0
                            • crazyeddie@mastodon.socialC crazyeddie@mastodon.social

                              @fiend_unpleasant @fesshole I believe you.

                              fiend_unpleasant@mastodon.socialF This user is from outside of this forum
                              fiend_unpleasant@mastodon.socialF This user is from outside of this forum
                              fiend_unpleasant@mastodon.social
                              wrote last edited by
                              #26

                              @crazyeddie @fesshole you should.

                              1 Reply Last reply
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                              • starkrg@myside-yourside.netS starkrg@myside-yourside.net

                                @jonm Most of all, give people the time to complete their tasks in the way that best works for them. Deadlines are an unfortunate fact of life, but don't create unnecessary deadlines that just stress people out, and try to plan for both people to be slower and more meticulous and for unforseen delays. You don't need to go all Scotty and quadruple any time estimate, but at least increase it by half if not doubling it.
                                (2/2)

                                walsonde@antifa.styleW This user is from outside of this forum
                                walsonde@antifa.styleW This user is from outside of this forum
                                walsonde@antifa.style
                                wrote last edited by
                                #27

                                @StarkRG @jonm I'm autistic. I was told, I were above average good at understanding jural and legal texts. no, I'm just sub average good at understanding ambiguous bullshit, which makes it look like I were outstandingly good at understanding law in comparison. If one wants to not be misunderstood, like people who make laws, it helps to not use ambiguous speech.

                                it's a nobrainer really. but still I'm the one with "special needs". 🤷

                                walsonde@antifa.styleW 1 Reply Last reply
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                                • walsonde@antifa.styleW walsonde@antifa.style

                                  @StarkRG @jonm I'm autistic. I was told, I were above average good at understanding jural and legal texts. no, I'm just sub average good at understanding ambiguous bullshit, which makes it look like I were outstandingly good at understanding law in comparison. If one wants to not be misunderstood, like people who make laws, it helps to not use ambiguous speech.

                                  it's a nobrainer really. but still I'm the one with "special needs". 🤷

                                  walsonde@antifa.styleW This user is from outside of this forum
                                  walsonde@antifa.styleW This user is from outside of this forum
                                  walsonde@antifa.style
                                  wrote last edited by
                                  #28

                                  @StarkRG @jonm addendum: it's easier in German culture because we don't need to tiptoe around allegedly hurtful things like saying no. we just say no, when we mean no. I have English relatives and spent a lot of time in England. For me, that's very exhausting because noone says what they mean.

                                  lizzard@social.tchncs.deL argv_minus_one@mastodon.sdf.orgA 2 Replies Last reply
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                                  • fesshole@mastodon.socialF fesshole@mastodon.social

                                    My son is 11,autistic, and obsessed with Minecraft. I manage a team of 4 Database Engineers. At some point I started to talk to them like how the parenting courses told me to communicate with my son and the team morale and overall performance has shot up so much we got an award

                                    drewtowler@mas.toD This user is from outside of this forum
                                    drewtowler@mas.toD This user is from outside of this forum
                                    drewtowler@mas.to
                                    wrote last edited by
                                    #29

                                    @fesshole Wish you'd been my boss back when I had bosses.

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    0
                                    • starkrg@myside-yourside.netS starkrg@myside-yourside.net

                                      @Sturmflut @jonm Increasing days to weeks seems like the kind of thing you'd teach if you don't want to teach how to properly estimate project timelines (or if the person in question is severely time-blind, but it's probably better to just not rely on them to make such estimates in the first place). You need buffer, but telling a client or your boss that a project that you've estimated to take five months is actually going to take a decade is ridiculous. Or a two-year project becomes 4 decades?

                                      B This user is from outside of this forum
                                      B This user is from outside of this forum
                                      barbra@social.vivaldi.net
                                      wrote last edited by
                                      #30

                                      @StarkRG

                                      And yet, look at how many 2-year projects never get finished after half a decade or more.

                                      Always double the time estimate, then double again. Helps to get rid of the non-essential "nice to haves" that people keep trying to add "because it won't take that much longer" .

                                      Because EVERYONE keeps trying to bargain down how long something should take, even though THEY CAN NOT DO IT THEMSELVES.

                                      Trying to meet unreasonable deadlines, even if you succeed, just adds technical debt. Glad I'm retired, because if there's one thing I've learned, it's that management can't even manage themselves effectively. That's why they went into management. Because only those who can do, do. Those who can't go into management.

                                      mscheffel@techhub.socialM 1 Reply Last reply
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                                      • starkrg@myside-yourside.netS starkrg@myside-yourside.net

                                        @fesshole Wow, clear, unambiguous communication and repeated positive reinforcement works on allistics too? Who ever coulda guessed?

                                        masukomi@connectified.comM This user is from outside of this forum
                                        masukomi@connectified.comM This user is from outside of this forum
                                        masukomi@connectified.com
                                        wrote last edited by
                                        #31

                                        @StarkRG @fesshole "A team of 4 Database Engineers"

                                        I'd bet good money that at least 3/4ths of them are autistic too.

                                        It's a pretty effing nerdy discipline to focus on enough to be considered a "database engineer"

                                        starkrg@myside-yourside.netS 1 Reply Last reply
                                        0
                                        • fesshole@mastodon.socialF fesshole@mastodon.social

                                          My son is 11,autistic, and obsessed with Minecraft. I manage a team of 4 Database Engineers. At some point I started to talk to them like how the parenting courses told me to communicate with my son and the team morale and overall performance has shot up so much we got an award

                                          jmcrookston@mastodon.socialJ This user is from outside of this forum
                                          jmcrookston@mastodon.socialJ This user is from outside of this forum
                                          jmcrookston@mastodon.social
                                          wrote last edited by
                                          #32

                                          @fesshole

                                          What does Minecraft have to do with any of this haha

                                          jmcrookston@mastodon.socialJ 1 Reply Last reply
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