CIRCLE WITH A DOT

Since I changed my med dose, I've been getting more unsettling dreams every night. Is this how I would normally dream with little to no drug influence? How fucked up is my mind really?#mentalhealth #actuallyautistic #adhd

@dedicto There's a difference between a matriarchy and women, who carry the intergenerational trauma of thousands of years in patriarchy though. In my post I am referring to the latter.

My last full day in my current address. I have had over thirty official addresses I've lived in, plus a few crash pads, and still I'm so Ceiling Cat scared moving, even if it is a wanted change and my own choice this time. I wonder if I ever manage to do anything again, without being deathly scared of it...#ActuallyAutistic *taps chest to honor Gibson, the OG Scaredy Cat*

When I was 16, I wrote a poem that included the line, "Everything that is born begins to die." Had I read philosophy? No, it was quantum physics and thermodynamics. Over the years, as an adult, I encountered Zen and philosophy.Understanding the inexorability of life, the arrow of time, and watching my elders grow old, I realized that death doesn't arrive suddenly one day; rather, it begins the moment we are born, and that death is the same process as life. My father-in-law used to say at the end of the day, "one more day, more or less" (he was quite the philosopher, that old man).So why run if fate is decided, why fight if we will lose anyway, why calculate losses and gains if, as Schopenhauer said, life is a business that doesn't cover its costs.Everything we do, the mere fact of being alive, generates entropy, inexorably pushing the arrow of time forward.And entropy, physicists tell us, leads to the disintegration of all cosmic structures, to the death of the universe. And that includes me, you, the planet, everything.Today is all I have; this present moment is the only life I have.#zen #actuallyautistic #philosophy #physics #hereandNow #life #blackcat

@atarifrosch Warum kommt man nur auf die Idee? Bei einer Live-Präsentation lasse doch auch nix dudeln.

@hauchvonstaub I think neurotypical people have no idea how exhausting communicating with them is for us. Not only on the high levels like doctor appointments, but already on the lower levels of their game of assumptions like small talk with the dog people in my conservative neighbourhood.Beagle Lumi doesn't care who is on the other side of the leash and I want him to walk together with his dog friends, so I have to do the small talk. And sometimes when I am distracted because of Lumi, it happens that my monotropic mind drives me directly into a dead end, which leads to an inner dialogue like "Fuck, they won't understand this, because they are not autistic. They will judge you. But you can't explain it to them in detail, because they can't process it, because they are not autistic..."In situations like this I use a trick that I learned during my time as an account manager and during job interviews. I don't lie, but I am not as precise as I naturally would be as an autistic person and leave room for interpretation. Because the neurotypicals love their assumptions, most of their communication is based on imprecise information and assumptions, so I let them make their assumptions and they are happy.Later at home I often get a bad conscience, because I wasn't as precise as I could have been and that's kind of lying and this causes the stress you described. But then I calm down, because Lumi needs his dog friends and this is just the way the NTs communicate.

@doggle I have always hated ads and pride myself on maintaining an ad free home. No mainstream TV with ads, no newspapers or mags, no radio, ad blocked to hilt on all devices etc. And I also do that thing where if a streaming service advertises their own shows I mute and look away.Never connected it with my autism though so this is very interesting!To me, ads feel like an invasion, a manipulation, and i've always been acutely aware that they dont just sell products but also push an idea of how we are supposed to live, eg the ads for washing powder etc when i was growing up were ALWAYS women doing the laundry etc.My brain screams 'dont tell me how to live or what I need!!!'

Hier, une de mes collègues (la quatrième quand même!) est venue s'informer sur mes bouchons d'oreilles car elle a de l'hyperacousie. Je réalise que nous sommes nombreuXes à être concerné.e.s et que normaliser l'usage des bouchons d'oreilles au travail et dans l'espace public est un service à rendre à un grand nombre de personnes, #actuallyautisticFR ou pas. C'est triste de voir les souffrances qu'on s'inflige pour coller aux normes sociales alors que de mini aménagements peuvent nous soulager en terme de fatigue et de surcharge sensorielle. Bref, ami.e.s neurodivergent.e.s, portez vos plus beaux bouchons d'oreilles (et vos plus moches aussi!) avec fierté