I know 8 trans people well and many more as acquaintances.
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Patriarchy lets predators run wild. At this point I think it's basically designed to do that. You hear right wingers making so much noise about protecting children, but let that child be "imperfect" in any way ?
So upset about the exploitation of the innocent, yet no one is innocent enough to be a victim worth listening to.
"she's a disturbed woman with a long criminal history"
Said the press secratary about one of the Epstein file accusers.
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I can understand the fears that people have for their children. "be yourself" is good advice but being yourself can be dangerous. And that's often not fair. You might tell your teen daughter "you're not leaving the house dressed like that" you know she could be hurt. It's "better parenting" to make it clear why you are making such demands, but there is this practical impulse to keep young people safe.
I've spoken to parents of trans kids filled with fear.
@futurebird I’ve definitely been there with parents that are wrestling with this fear too, more than any bigotry or biases (plenty of parents of trans kids that do have transphobia to work through too, but this is a thing I’ve seen too among some).
With the way you framed it…it somehow brought to mind the way Ta-Nehisi Coates describes why his family resorted to physical punishment: fear of what the outside world would do to him. I remember that hitting like a pile of bricks when I read “Between the World and Me,” the lesson his family was teaching him before the world taught him that his body didn’t belong to himself under a system of racism.
Makes me think about this parallel, how the current political powers are making it very clear that they do not think trans people’s, especially trans kids’, bodies belong to themselves. How it’s a lesson so many of us have to internalize and navigate to survive. And I can so easily see parents of trans kids wrestling with how to try to instill in them that their lives and bodies should belong to themselves but that there are violence shitheads who don’t.
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I know 8 trans people well and many more as acquaintances. The 8 people I know well range from being an old childhood friend, to coworkers, to students, to neighbors.
I'm mostly aware that they are trans at all due to the increase in anti-trans laws and blatant transphobia in the US. Were it not for that I might not know or even care. But I worry about them.
In each case the fact that they are trans is one of the less interesting things I know about them.
@futurebird Being gay is a far bigger part of my life than being trans. Because I walk around holding my partner's hand. Or giving her a hug. Or we smile at one another and pay for food together. It's easy for people to tell we're a pair of women who are together.
Trans? I'm in no way ashamed of it, and sometimes I have a trans pride something or another around. But most of the time? It's about as interesting of a part of me as where I went to college. Sure I still deal with the remaining body dysphoria, but so do cis people.
Just leave us alone and we'll be your slightly quirky neighbors who are a bit more empathetic to the plights of both genders than average.
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+3. But I would not give up being trans for all the tea in China.
@alexadeswift @mina @daswarkeinhuhn @PalmAndNeedle @futurebird
+4
Every time I see another "visibility day" I want to scream "let me be goddamn invisible for a change!"
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It already exists in little pockets, it works better than the alternatives. It's spreading.
Maybe things are going to get worse before they get better but I believe in and want the future where being trans is boring.
@futurebird I like to say if me being trans/non-binary isn't the least interesting thing about me, either I'm doing something wrong or society is doing something very wrong. It's only a big deal because people make it so.
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But, having seen decades of trans lives as an outsider I think it's better to still be yourself in the end. It's healthier. It's safer.
That it is less safe to be a trans kid than a cis kid isn't the fault of trans kids.
Like, we all knew that, right? But it's worth saying anyway I think.
Even if we enter a more repressive world I will still know the same number of trans people.
This is nothing new, and maybe we are painfully turning a corner.
@futurebird Yeah, wanting to try being another gender out is a risky thing for your personal and social safety. But I guarantee you that trans kids havent come to that decision on a whim. This isn't dating a sketchy significant other. Or even choosing a "bad" major in college. This is about a kid choosing Who They Are.
Countless kids movies are full of "be who you are" narratives. But somehow the cishets want to say "be who you are, but not That".
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@futurebird Being gay is a far bigger part of my life than being trans. Because I walk around holding my partner's hand. Or giving her a hug. Or we smile at one another and pay for food together. It's easy for people to tell we're a pair of women who are together.
Trans? I'm in no way ashamed of it, and sometimes I have a trans pride something or another around. But most of the time? It's about as interesting of a part of me as where I went to college. Sure I still deal with the remaining body dysphoria, but so do cis people.
Just leave us alone and we'll be your slightly quirky neighbors who are a bit more empathetic to the plights of both genders than average.
@JessTheUnstill @futurebird Kinda same.
I went on a long rant a few weeks ago about how my transness, even though it kind of overtook our lives for a while, is far less interesting in the day-to-day and far less visible than the fact that we're two women now. That gets pointed out every time we go out to eat or for a coffee and they just assume we're paying separately. (Which is Every. Damn. Time.)
Most of the time, I'm just some tall girl with purple hair and a fabulous sense of style.
And, honestly? I'm cool with that.
Yesterday, I got a DM from a co-worker. It was a link to an article about the recent H1B visa nonsense and a message saying he thinks of me every time he sees something like that and he hopes I'm okay. I never came out to him. In my work, everyone knows and no one cares. I've been out for three years now and I'm sure I have colleagues at this point who don't know. But even if/when they do find out, I don't expect it to be a big deal unless the bigots brigade is successful in re-normalizing their bigotry.
IMO, that's the way it should be. We should be safe to be out but it shouldn't matter. It's a part of my life and I'm happy to talk about it. It's not a shameful secret. It's only something I keep guarded at times because of transphobia.
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@futurebird I’ve definitely been there with parents that are wrestling with this fear too, more than any bigotry or biases (plenty of parents of trans kids that do have transphobia to work through too, but this is a thing I’ve seen too among some).
With the way you framed it…it somehow brought to mind the way Ta-Nehisi Coates describes why his family resorted to physical punishment: fear of what the outside world would do to him. I remember that hitting like a pile of bricks when I read “Between the World and Me,” the lesson his family was teaching him before the world taught him that his body didn’t belong to himself under a system of racism.
Makes me think about this parallel, how the current political powers are making it very clear that they do not think trans people’s, especially trans kids’, bodies belong to themselves. How it’s a lesson so many of us have to internalize and navigate to survive. And I can so easily see parents of trans kids wrestling with how to try to instill in them that their lives and bodies should belong to themselves but that there are violence shitheads who don’t.
@JoscelynTransient @futurebird I have zero experience or insight but while my natural sympathy is with the kids, my heart fuckin breaks for (especially Black) parents trying to walk this tightrope. Like it's not hard enough, without having to work out how much to dim their light so the world doesn't snuff it out
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I deeply object to the notion that G-d made me to test other people.
Like, wtf I can't even
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I deeply object to the notion that G-d made me to test other people.
Like, wtf I can't even
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I deeply object to the notion that G-d made me to test other people.
Like, wtf I can't even
@celesteh @Taco_lad @futurebird About 20 years before Roko's Basilisk existed, also before I'd heard of Pascal's Wager or Homer's Heresy (which refutes them both equally well: "What if we picked the wrong religion? Every week we're just making God madder and madder")...I recall some other little kid in West Virginia told me that the pretty seashell fossils in the playground aggregate were "sent" to test our faith, and I precociously blasphemed, what's the point of worshipping a God who plays tricks on us
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Patriarchy lets predators run wild. At this point I think it's basically designed to do that. You hear right wingers making so much noise about protecting children, but let that child be "imperfect" in any way ?
So upset about the exploitation of the innocent, yet no one is innocent enough to be a victim worth listening to.
"she's a disturbed woman with a long criminal history"
Said the press secratary about one of the Epstein file accusers.
@futurebird @wmd I'm pretty sure every single trans person I've ever met, even the ones who hate children, want to protect children more than any of these fuckers
I desperately wish we could protect children from being trafficked and abused, but the only people who have the power to "protect children" are only """protecting""" them from people like me -
@futurebird
In my experience, LGBTQ people and their allies want it to be illegal to express yourself in a way that offends them, including misgendering.
Maybe it's different on your side of the pond.@light @futurebird have you actually heard a queer person say this was their opinion? Or were you told this by other people who are not queer? If the latter, is it possible someone somewhere has a vested interest in you falsely believing we're trying to take your freedom?
All I want is the ability to use the bathroom, live my life, and tell you if you call me the wrong thing. I don't want you to get arrested for it, I forget names sometimes
we just want the same basic dignity as everyone else -
@celesteh @Taco_lad @futurebird About 20 years before Roko's Basilisk existed, also before I'd heard of Pascal's Wager or Homer's Heresy (which refutes them both equally well: "What if we picked the wrong religion? Every week we're just making God madder and madder")...I recall some other little kid in West Virginia told me that the pretty seashell fossils in the playground aggregate were "sent" to test our faith, and I precociously blasphemed, what's the point of worshipping a God who plays tricks on us
When I googled Homer's Heresy, I got a bunch of stuff about the Homeric Question, but my hunch this was a Simpson's reference lead me to Wikipedia.
Anyway, G-d wrestling is categorically not blasphemy.
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When I googled Homer's Heresy, I got a bunch of stuff about the Homeric Question, but my hunch this was a Simpson's reference lead me to Wikipedia.
Anyway, G-d wrestling is categorically not blasphemy.
@celesteh @Taco_lad @futurebird Oh yeah I meant blasphemy in the Evangelical context I grew up in outside the home; we were raised Jewish, so the specifically Catholic theology of Pascal's Wager/Roko's Basilisk doesn't really translate. Judaism is "sola opera", which makes the intent behind good deeds irrelevant; no Hell, and Satans (plural) are God's subordinate employees. It doesn't really solve the problem of "but why evil" though, so the Jewish equivalent of Pascal's wager I think is Maimonides' Via Negativa (We doubt that God is entirely good, because we see humans doing evil; we're certain that God is not entirely evil, because we see humans doing good)...seems to me this ends up as encouragement to act in alignment with our beliefs while hoping for something better than the worst case outcome (we're trapped in a universe with an entirely evil God)...rather than altering our actions to perform belief out of fear of the worst case
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@celesteh @Taco_lad @futurebird Oh yeah I meant blasphemy in the Evangelical context I grew up in outside the home; we were raised Jewish, so the specifically Catholic theology of Pascal's Wager/Roko's Basilisk doesn't really translate. Judaism is "sola opera", which makes the intent behind good deeds irrelevant; no Hell, and Satans (plural) are God's subordinate employees. It doesn't really solve the problem of "but why evil" though, so the Jewish equivalent of Pascal's wager I think is Maimonides' Via Negativa (We doubt that God is entirely good, because we see humans doing evil; we're certain that God is not entirely evil, because we see humans doing good)...seems to me this ends up as encouragement to act in alignment with our beliefs while hoping for something better than the worst case outcome (we're trapped in a universe with an entirely evil God)...rather than altering our actions to perform belief out of fear of the worst case
@celesteh @Taco_lad @futurebird Anyway what I love about Homer's Heresy is how it tl;dr's that whole Reform Jewish lore dump in two sentences
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@futurebird Being gay is a far bigger part of my life than being trans. Because I walk around holding my partner's hand. Or giving her a hug. Or we smile at one another and pay for food together. It's easy for people to tell we're a pair of women who are together.
Trans? I'm in no way ashamed of it, and sometimes I have a trans pride something or another around. But most of the time? It's about as interesting of a part of me as where I went to college. Sure I still deal with the remaining body dysphoria, but so do cis people.
Just leave us alone and we'll be your slightly quirky neighbors who are a bit more empathetic to the plights of both genders than average.
I've often been curious about how people who are both transphobes and homophobes deal with couples like you and your partner. I won't pretend to be able to understand how their prejudiced minds work, but I would imagine their phobias should cancel out upon seeing a couple that they might think of as a man and a woman. yet I guess somehow they manage to accept the transition so that both phobias are triggered. if you don't mind my asking, is this what your experience is like?
CC: @futurebird@sauropods.win
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I've often been curious about how people who are both transphobes and homophobes deal with couples like you and your partner. I won't pretend to be able to understand how their prejudiced minds work, but I would imagine their phobias should cancel out upon seeing a couple that they might think of as a man and a woman. yet I guess somehow they manage to accept the transition so that both phobias are triggered. if you don't mind my asking, is this what your experience is like?
CC: @futurebird@sauropods.win@lxo @futurebird Well we're both trans, live in "good" states, and just cut people out of our lives if they're shitty about it. So we don't really know nor care what they think. They're just dead to us if they don't accept both parts of us.
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@lxo @futurebird Well we're both trans, live in "good" states, and just cut people out of our lives if they're shitty about it. So we don't really know nor care what they think. They're just dead to us if they don't accept both parts of us.
@lxo @futurebird plus "stealth" enough most strangers just say "eh more woman than man, well just assume gay over trans"
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@lxo @futurebird plus "stealth" enough most strangers just say "eh more woman than man, well just assume gay over trans"
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