Important updates to your Torment Nexus subscription plan.

[nikkileah@mendeddrum.org]

@jamesthomson @kuriko only at the "free!" tier (promise! *Wink!*) and adverts will be personalised to all the info we have on you thanks to data brokers and our new Social credit score.

We know everything about you and there's fuck all you can do about it!

[davidtheeviloverlord@mastodon.social]

@jamesthomson

We are altering the Terms and Conditions. Pray we do not alter them any further.

[mike@social.mikewells.name]

@jamesthomson Are they updating their Privacy Policy?

[joesteel@duck.haus]

@jamesthomson can I opt out of forced arbitration with the torment nexus?

[jamesthomson@mastodon.social]

@joesteel I can promise there will be no forced arboretum.

[joesteel@duck.haus]

@jamesthomson ok what are my options then

[mattiem@mastodon.social]

@jamesthomson have you tried our family plan?

[jamesthomson@mastodon.social]

@joesteel Oh, you won't be getting any stock.

[joesteel@duck.haus]

@jamesthomson oh… uh… I mean … now that the Torment Nexus is a mandatory part of life we can’t get around using what are my rights

[jamesthomson@mastodon.social]

@joesteel Good news, life is no longer mandatory!

[joesteel@duck.haus]

@jamesthomson but I need to live! How am I supposed to suffer if I’m dead?

[jamesthomson@mastodon.social]

@joesteel Ah yes, well the silver lining is that the subscription will now automatically continue after your death.

[joesteel@duck.haus]

@jamesthomson is there a mortality discount?

[tomhead@mastodon.social]

@jamesthomson By continuing to use the Torment Nexus you acknowledge our right to psychological and physical torture of you and your family, and the sale of your personal data.

By refusing to use the Torment Nexus you acknowledge our right to pursue you relentlessly on social media, in real life, and in your dreams, in order to force you to use the Torment Nexus.

Choose wisely.

[jamesthomson@mastodon.social]

@joesteel 50% off your mortality, effective immediately.

[silvermoon82@wandering.shop]

@jamesthomson
Tap here to agree to the new Torment Nexus terms of service

[theogrin@chaosfem.tw]

@jamesthomson

We're focusing more on the Nexus, and less on the Torment. Don't worry, though. The new and advanced Nexus comes with additional Torment options. If you would like to opt out of these Torment options, please send a self-stamped fully addressed envelope containing one live dart frog to...

[zalasur@mastodon.surazal.net]

@jamesthomson Be sure to subscribe to our new tier Torment Nexus+ with fewer* ads

* May not apply in all regions

[zjb@mastodon.social]

Oh no, not another subscription change. Are they adding more features or just hiking the price again?

[synlogic4242@social.vivaldi.net]

@jamesthomson I for one welcome the coming of our Torment Nexus overlords!