Top FEMA Official Claims He Teleported to Waffle House.

[theorangetheme@en.osm.town]

@cetan @jwz I was gonna say, blacking out and winding up at Waffle House sounds like an average Friday night for some people.

[faithinbones@mastodon.social]

@jwz wow

[guillotine_jones@beige.party]

@jwz
If you're a USian:
This is your government
This is your government on drugs.
Any questions?

[jwz@mastodon.social]

I know none of you click links, let alone Previouslies, but I promise you that all of the Previouslies on this one are worth your time.

[rmi@cloudisland.nz]

@jwz not generally a fan of the Previouslies genre, but these Previouslies definitely paid off.

[cetan@toot.community]

@jwz I love how one previously also contains: "I know that most of you don't read the Previouslies, but these are particularly apt:"

It's Previouslies all the way down!

[jwz@mastodon.social]

@cetan Strange attractors in Previously space

[overeducatedredneck@bitbang.social]

@jwz I pretty pretty often click the previouslies. Especially on posts with unhinged content. Of which, this one is a prime example. Can confirm: totally worth my while.

[j3rn@fosstodon.org]

@jwz Whom amongst us

[gooba42@mastodon.social]

@jwz Even taking the claims at face value, that means he's uniquely unsuited for a position where reliably contacting him at any time is an absolute requirement.

We don't even have to get to the debunking part.

[mdhughes@appdot.net]

@jwz Got down to "What the world needs now is a Grant Morrison / Roger Penrose collaboration." and yes, The Filth has become increasingly plausible mainstream science in this Administration.

[davemwilburn@infosec.exchange]

@gooba42 @jwz

Sounds like you didn't read the link. He may not be reliably contacted at any *place*, but he can be reliably contacted at any *time*, because he doesn't experience the passage of time during his teleportation. Must be hard on the cellular network infrastructure for cell service during those calls, though.

/s

[davemwilburn@infosec.exchange]

@gooba42 @jwz

I'll also point out that this is nowhere near the weirdest thing to happen in a Georgia Waffle House.

And per customary Waffle House disaster response rules, the time to worry isn't when FEMA personnel spontaneously teleport *to* a Waffle House, but rather when they spontaneously teleport *from* one.

[missgayle@urbanists.social]

@jwz

I believe the technical name for that is alcohol induced blackout.

[thasl@social.tchncs.de]

@jwz surely someone has tried to build a graph of all posts linked by previouslies, no?
I'm tempted to try that, but don't want to contribute to the AI bots DDoS-ing your blog^^

[jwz@mastodon.social]

@thasl I made a graph of tag associativity but not Previouslies. https://www.jwz.org/blog/tag/graph/

[jwz@mastodon.social]

This story just makes me sad all over again that we never got a third season of Impulse. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWLCtREegLQ

[floe@hci.social]

@jwz It's loonies all the way down

[elizafox@social.treehouse.systems]

@jwz ah yes, teleportation to waffle house, finding yourself there with no recollection of how you got there, I too have experienced this… so have my friends. It’s apparently extremely common. It appears to happen after consuming large amounts of substances containing a specific chemical. Me and my friends even got a name for this strange phenomenon. We call it the “wild night out.”

[elizafox@social.treehouse.systems]

@jwz What's wild is the government tried to ban this substance associated with teleportation, and in fact did for 13 years.

Though many would have you not know the truth, this substance has a long history of causing teleportation to a local establishment such as Denny's, IHOP, or Whataburger. The substance is directly correlated to teleportation to establishments that are open 24 hours, or having compliant staff.

Some have even reported teleportation to ditches, cornfields (especially in the Midwest with a lack of 24 hour anything), and parking lots.

It seems to always be within the local region, although the phenomenon has some randomness. It is said that shortly before this teleportation, a person may have strange ideas or plans of what to do "after we blow this joint."