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  3. Cis people sometimes demand #trans people rigourously define what "gender" means and explain what drives us to embody a gender other than the one assigned to us at birth.

Cis people sometimes demand #trans people rigourously define what "gender" means and explain what drives us to embody a gender other than the one assigned to us at birth.

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  • tattie@eldritch.cafeT tattie@eldritch.cafe

    And then, having run out of other options, I finally tried the things I had ruled out previously as too scary, the things that would bring judgment down on me.

    I tried transition. Tho at the time I hadn't even realised myself as a woman.

    I was shit scared. I did it anyway.
    4/

    tattie@eldritch.cafeT This user is from outside of this forum
    tattie@eldritch.cafeT This user is from outside of this forum
    tattie@eldritch.cafe
    wrote last edited by
    #7

    I tried painting my nails. It brought me happiness. I tried feminine accessories. They brought comfort. I tried shaving my body hair. It felt calming.

    I started dressing in femme clothes, around the house. It felt exciting at first, then just... right.

    And then I went on hormones. And everything accelerated. My body itself began to feel like a home, like a friend. I hadn't realised how much or how long I had been suffering, because it had just felt normal.
    5/

    tattie@eldritch.cafeT 1 Reply Last reply
    0
    • tattie@eldritch.cafeT tattie@eldritch.cafe

      I tried painting my nails. It brought me happiness. I tried feminine accessories. They brought comfort. I tried shaving my body hair. It felt calming.

      I started dressing in femme clothes, around the house. It felt exciting at first, then just... right.

      And then I went on hormones. And everything accelerated. My body itself began to feel like a home, like a friend. I hadn't realised how much or how long I had been suffering, because it had just felt normal.
      5/

      tattie@eldritch.cafeT This user is from outside of this forum
      tattie@eldritch.cafeT This user is from outside of this forum
      tattie@eldritch.cafe
      wrote last edited by
      #8

      This is fact: transitioning to be more female in body, more feminine in presentation, and taking on a female-coded social role, made me feel vastly better in myself.

      I know this is true of me, and many like me. And the experiences of transmasculine people in the other direction inform me that it's not as simple as womanhood just being better for everyone. It was something about me.
      6/

      jrdepriest@infosec.exchangeJ tattie@eldritch.cafeT 2 Replies Last reply
      0
      • tattie@eldritch.cafeT tattie@eldritch.cafe

        This is fact: transitioning to be more female in body, more feminine in presentation, and taking on a female-coded social role, made me feel vastly better in myself.

        I know this is true of me, and many like me. And the experiences of transmasculine people in the other direction inform me that it's not as simple as womanhood just being better for everyone. It was something about me.
        6/

        jrdepriest@infosec.exchangeJ This user is from outside of this forum
        jrdepriest@infosec.exchangeJ This user is from outside of this forum
        jrdepriest@infosec.exchange
        wrote last edited by
        #9

        @Tattie

        This is so beautiful, so good, and so true.

        1 Reply Last reply
        0
        • tattie@eldritch.cafeT tattie@eldritch.cafe

          This is fact: transitioning to be more female in body, more feminine in presentation, and taking on a female-coded social role, made me feel vastly better in myself.

          I know this is true of me, and many like me. And the experiences of transmasculine people in the other direction inform me that it's not as simple as womanhood just being better for everyone. It was something about me.
          6/

          tattie@eldritch.cafeT This user is from outside of this forum
          tattie@eldritch.cafeT This user is from outside of this forum
          tattie@eldritch.cafe
          wrote last edited by
          #10

          That's it. That's what I've got. Just my experience.

          No grand theory that explains everything, no intellectual justification. I can't explain this any more than you can.

          But my experience is real. And I cannot stand by if you're going to "debate" the reality of it.

          I exist. I'm right here. Look at me.
          Fin/

          moriel@chaosfem.twM jrdepriest@infosec.exchangeJ adele@social.treehouse.systemsA williampietri@sfba.socialW xorlou@lgbtqia.spaceX 10 Replies Last reply
          0
          • tattie@eldritch.cafeT tattie@eldritch.cafe

            Cis people sometimes demand #trans people rigourously define what "gender" means and explain what drives us to embody a gender other than the one assigned to us at birth. If we can't do that, they say, how can they believe us?

            But trans people shouldn't have to be philosophers and psychologists all wrapped up into one to have our experiences believed. 1/

            goatsarah@thegoatery.dyndns.orgG This user is from outside of this forum
            goatsarah@thegoatery.dyndns.orgG This user is from outside of this forum
            goatsarah@thegoatery.dyndns.org
            wrote last edited by
            #11

            @Tattie “I’m a girl”

            “Why?”

            “Because”

            tattie@eldritch.cafeT 1 Reply Last reply
            0
            • tattie@eldritch.cafeT tattie@eldritch.cafe

              That's it. That's what I've got. Just my experience.

              No grand theory that explains everything, no intellectual justification. I can't explain this any more than you can.

              But my experience is real. And I cannot stand by if you're going to "debate" the reality of it.

              I exist. I'm right here. Look at me.
              Fin/

              moriel@chaosfem.twM This user is from outside of this forum
              moriel@chaosfem.twM This user is from outside of this forum
              moriel@chaosfem.tw
              wrote last edited by
              #12

              @Tattie

              i am bookmarking this thread. This is precisely on target. Very well said!

              tattie@eldritch.cafeT 1 Reply Last reply
              0
              • goatsarah@thegoatery.dyndns.orgG goatsarah@thegoatery.dyndns.org

                @Tattie “I’m a girl”

                “Why?”

                “Because”

                tattie@eldritch.cafeT This user is from outside of this forum
                tattie@eldritch.cafeT This user is from outside of this forum
                tattie@eldritch.cafe
                wrote last edited by
                #13

                @goatsarah I just think it's neat dot gif.

                1 Reply Last reply
                0
                • moriel@chaosfem.twM moriel@chaosfem.tw

                  @Tattie

                  i am bookmarking this thread. This is precisely on target. Very well said!

                  tattie@eldritch.cafeT This user is from outside of this forum
                  tattie@eldritch.cafeT This user is from outside of this forum
                  tattie@eldritch.cafe
                  wrote last edited by
                  #14

                  @moriel thank you!

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  0
                  • tattie@eldritch.cafeT tattie@eldritch.cafe

                    Cis people sometimes demand #trans people rigourously define what "gender" means and explain what drives us to embody a gender other than the one assigned to us at birth. If we can't do that, they say, how can they believe us?

                    But trans people shouldn't have to be philosophers and psychologists all wrapped up into one to have our experiences believed. 1/

                    ruthoday2@chaosfem.twR This user is from outside of this forum
                    ruthoday2@chaosfem.twR This user is from outside of this forum
                    ruthoday2@chaosfem.tw
                    wrote last edited by
                    #15

                    @Tattie

                    Thank you for expressing this, it describes (more clearly than I could) a lot of my own experiences..

                    #BoostFaveBookmarkTrifecta

                    tattie@eldritch.cafeT 1 Reply Last reply
                    0
                    • tattie@eldritch.cafeT tattie@eldritch.cafe

                      That's it. That's what I've got. Just my experience.

                      No grand theory that explains everything, no intellectual justification. I can't explain this any more than you can.

                      But my experience is real. And I cannot stand by if you're going to "debate" the reality of it.

                      I exist. I'm right here. Look at me.
                      Fin/

                      jrdepriest@infosec.exchangeJ This user is from outside of this forum
                      jrdepriest@infosec.exchangeJ This user is from outside of this forum
                      jrdepriest@infosec.exchange
                      wrote last edited by
                      #16

                      @Tattie in fact, I'm sharing a Masto Reader link to this thread on my woke family Signal chat so they can understand what dysphoria is like since it is hard to explain and you have done so in an almost poetic way.

                      jrdepriest@infosec.exchangeJ 1 Reply Last reply
                      0
                      • ruthoday2@chaosfem.twR ruthoday2@chaosfem.tw

                        @Tattie

                        Thank you for expressing this, it describes (more clearly than I could) a lot of my own experiences..

                        #BoostFaveBookmarkTrifecta

                        tattie@eldritch.cafeT This user is from outside of this forum
                        tattie@eldritch.cafeT This user is from outside of this forum
                        tattie@eldritch.cafe
                        wrote last edited by
                        #17

                        @RuthODay2 I am honoured by the trifecta!

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        0
                        • tattie@eldritch.cafeT tattie@eldritch.cafe

                          That's it. That's what I've got. Just my experience.

                          No grand theory that explains everything, no intellectual justification. I can't explain this any more than you can.

                          But my experience is real. And I cannot stand by if you're going to "debate" the reality of it.

                          I exist. I'm right here. Look at me.
                          Fin/

                          adele@social.treehouse.systemsA This user is from outside of this forum
                          adele@social.treehouse.systemsA This user is from outside of this forum
                          adele@social.treehouse.systems
                          wrote last edited by
                          #18

                          @Tattie elegantly said and true.

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          0
                          • tattie@eldritch.cafeT tattie@eldritch.cafe

                            Cis people sometimes demand #trans people rigourously define what "gender" means and explain what drives us to embody a gender other than the one assigned to us at birth. If we can't do that, they say, how can they believe us?

                            But trans people shouldn't have to be philosophers and psychologists all wrapped up into one to have our experiences believed. 1/

                            jesstheunstill@infosec.exchangeJ This user is from outside of this forum
                            jesstheunstill@infosec.exchangeJ This user is from outside of this forum
                            jesstheunstill@infosec.exchange
                            wrote last edited by
                            #19

                            @Tattie I think even more fundamentally - there's been entire books and a million blogs of personal narratives, lots of them. Medical research studies, medical associations, entire international interdisciplinary organizations of people who are the world experts in gender diversity. They all say trans people are real, valid, and who they say they are. If someone isn't willing to accept those piles of evidence, then challenging an individual trans person is just hunting for some gotcha.

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            0
                            • jrdepriest@infosec.exchangeJ jrdepriest@infosec.exchange

                              @Tattie in fact, I'm sharing a Masto Reader link to this thread on my woke family Signal chat so they can understand what dysphoria is like since it is hard to explain and you have done so in an almost poetic way.

                              jrdepriest@infosec.exchangeJ This user is from outside of this forum
                              jrdepriest@infosec.exchangeJ This user is from outside of this forum
                              jrdepriest@infosec.exchange
                              wrote last edited by
                              #20

                              @Tattie cousin told me, after reading it, that her 25 year old AMAB child thinks he might be transgender. They are currently dating a trans woman, too. Thank you for helping to open up that dialogue.

                              tattie@eldritch.cafeT 1 Reply Last reply
                              0
                              • tattie@eldritch.cafeT tattie@eldritch.cafe

                                Cis people sometimes demand #trans people rigourously define what "gender" means and explain what drives us to embody a gender other than the one assigned to us at birth. If we can't do that, they say, how can they believe us?

                                But trans people shouldn't have to be philosophers and psychologists all wrapped up into one to have our experiences believed. 1/

                                burnoutqueen@todon.nlB This user is from outside of this forum
                                burnoutqueen@todon.nlB This user is from outside of this forum
                                burnoutqueen@todon.nl
                                wrote last edited by
                                #21

                                @Tattie

                                I'm happier as a girl and the evidence suggests it has to do with my brain but that's all I can conclusively say

                                G 1 Reply Last reply
                                0
                                • jrdepriest@infosec.exchangeJ jrdepriest@infosec.exchange

                                  @Tattie cousin told me, after reading it, that her 25 year old AMAB child thinks he might be transgender. They are currently dating a trans woman, too. Thank you for helping to open up that dialogue.

                                  tattie@eldritch.cafeT This user is from outside of this forum
                                  tattie@eldritch.cafeT This user is from outside of this forum
                                  tattie@eldritch.cafe
                                  wrote last edited by
                                  #22

                                  @jrdepriest oh my gosh, I'm so happy that I could be part of that!

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  0
                                  • tattie@eldritch.cafeT tattie@eldritch.cafe

                                    Cis people sometimes demand #trans people rigourously define what "gender" means and explain what drives us to embody a gender other than the one assigned to us at birth. If we can't do that, they say, how can they believe us?

                                    But trans people shouldn't have to be philosophers and psychologists all wrapped up into one to have our experiences believed. 1/

                                    forestine@sunny.gardenF This user is from outside of this forum
                                    forestine@sunny.gardenF This user is from outside of this forum
                                    forestine@sunny.garden
                                    wrote last edited by
                                    #23

                                    @Tattie also a cis person who has never interrogated their gender will get real defensive if you try and flip the question on them. they'll say "i just am" or something

                                    jaxvent@lgbtqia.spaceJ 1 Reply Last reply
                                    0
                                    • forestine@sunny.gardenF forestine@sunny.garden

                                      @Tattie also a cis person who has never interrogated their gender will get real defensive if you try and flip the question on them. they'll say "i just am" or something

                                      jaxvent@lgbtqia.spaceJ This user is from outside of this forum
                                      jaxvent@lgbtqia.spaceJ This user is from outside of this forum
                                      jaxvent@lgbtqia.space
                                      wrote last edited by
                                      #24

                                      @forestine @Tattie

                                      Yep, funny that 😅

                                      I'm CIS and have never been able to explain why I am CIS, why I am happy with my gender matching my biological sex. I just am. And I don't believe any CIS person really could. So why on earth should any trans person be expected to?

                                      forestine@sunny.gardenF 1 Reply Last reply
                                      0
                                      • jaxvent@lgbtqia.spaceJ jaxvent@lgbtqia.space

                                        @forestine @Tattie

                                        Yep, funny that 😅

                                        I'm CIS and have never been able to explain why I am CIS, why I am happy with my gender matching my biological sex. I just am. And I don't believe any CIS person really could. So why on earth should any trans person be expected to?

                                        forestine@sunny.gardenF This user is from outside of this forum
                                        forestine@sunny.gardenF This user is from outside of this forum
                                        forestine@sunny.garden
                                        wrote last edited by
                                        #25

                                        @JaxVent @Tattie yes, great points.

                                        btw in case you weren't aware, cis is not an acronym for anything, but is latin, and doesn't need to be capitalised

                                        jaxvent@lgbtqia.spaceJ 1 Reply Last reply
                                        0
                                        • tattie@eldritch.cafeT tattie@eldritch.cafe

                                          That's it. That's what I've got. Just my experience.

                                          No grand theory that explains everything, no intellectual justification. I can't explain this any more than you can.

                                          But my experience is real. And I cannot stand by if you're going to "debate" the reality of it.

                                          I exist. I'm right here. Look at me.
                                          Fin/

                                          williampietri@sfba.socialW This user is from outside of this forum
                                          williampietri@sfba.socialW This user is from outside of this forum
                                          williampietri@sfba.social
                                          wrote last edited by
                                          #26

                                          @Tattie Thanks! I appreciate you sharing this. It's lovely. Congrats on finding ways to feel like you.

                                          I also think it's wild that cis people are expecting you to explain gender to them. My experience asking cis people to explain this whole gender thing is that either they flop around like a fish on a riverbank or they fall back on PLUTO IS A PLANET repetition of too-simple things that they learned when they were 7 and haven't thought about since.

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