landmate's mum moved into one of the structures a while back.
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landmate's mum moved into one of the structures a while back. she's quite elderly so this is quite a ballsy move on her part and i dont think she was quite prepared for just how "countryside" it is here.
either way i noticed she was having a bit if a rough time and landmate isn't always that good with that sort of emotional stuff.
so i started stopping in whenever i got to get my post and we have a chat, guess wrongly at the dumb quiz shows on the tv and talk about stuff... actually quite. bit of stuff.
what i didnt really expect is how fond of her ive become and apparently she seems to have somewhat "adopted" me too. landmate said last night "she always wanted a daughter" which was both very sweet and validating for its intention as well as the nonchalance which which he said it as if it was the most normal thing in the world.
(sadly my mum did not want a daughter)
#offGrid #communityshe might be getting on a bit but a week ago she didnt know how to refer to a trans person and now she *gets* it and remarkably uses all the right terms...i can have a convo about trans stuff with her and not have to wince at all the accidentals every few sec like with most people.
so whilst it's not one's place to diagnose other people, landmate is (by own admission) adhd af. squirrel-tastic.. partially why he (and I) are here
and it occurred to me that quite often one can see adhd traits in one or more parents of the kid has it, and LM's dad is chill like a labrador whereas she frets a lot, much like i do.
#mh #offgrid #community -
landmate's mum moved into one of the structures a while back. she's quite elderly so this is quite a ballsy move on her part and i dont think she was quite prepared for just how "countryside" it is here.
either way i noticed she was having a bit if a rough time and landmate isn't always that good with that sort of emotional stuff.
so i started stopping in whenever i got to get my post and we have a chat, guess wrongly at the dumb quiz shows on the tv and talk about stuff... actually quite. bit of stuff.
what i didnt really expect is how fond of her ive become and apparently she seems to have somewhat "adopted" me too. landmate said last night "she always wanted a daughter" which was both very sweet and validating for its intention as well as the nonchalance which which he said it as if it was the most normal thing in the world.
(sadly my mum did not want a daughter)
#offGrid #communityand it occurred to me: what if she's got adhd and has never had any sort of meds to help with it. no cbd, no thc, no addys or valium. what if she's been swirling around in that maelstrom her whole life. that would certainly have to affect the levels of fretting.
she may never have known any sort of mental "quiet" and i for one would have thoroughly lost my remaining marbles from that. and in which case i am even more impressed she's held it together for aeons.
her health is fairly precarious so she wont be drinking moonshine and doing hotknives, but stressing about stuff which isnt going to happen isnt helping her either, so im going to see if she'll try a couple of drops of cbd. it might help her sleep too.
maybe it wont to anything, maybe she wont like it but on the off chance it does, it might ease some of the unnecessary tensions/fretting and bring a little more cohesion. besides it seems unfair that we're both mellow and she doesnt get any
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and it occurred to me: what if she's got adhd and has never had any sort of meds to help with it. no cbd, no thc, no addys or valium. what if she's been swirling around in that maelstrom her whole life. that would certainly have to affect the levels of fretting.
she may never have known any sort of mental "quiet" and i for one would have thoroughly lost my remaining marbles from that. and in which case i am even more impressed she's held it together for aeons.
her health is fairly precarious so she wont be drinking moonshine and doing hotknives, but stressing about stuff which isnt going to happen isnt helping her either, so im going to see if she'll try a couple of drops of cbd. it might help her sleep too.
maybe it wont to anything, maybe she wont like it but on the off chance it does, it might ease some of the unnecessary tensions/fretting and bring a little more cohesion. besides it seems unfair that we're both mellow and she doesnt get any@nflux I'd certainly offer the CBD. Gently
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landmate's mum moved into one of the structures a while back. she's quite elderly so this is quite a ballsy move on her part and i dont think she was quite prepared for just how "countryside" it is here.
either way i noticed she was having a bit if a rough time and landmate isn't always that good with that sort of emotional stuff.
so i started stopping in whenever i got to get my post and we have a chat, guess wrongly at the dumb quiz shows on the tv and talk about stuff... actually quite. bit of stuff.
what i didnt really expect is how fond of her ive become and apparently she seems to have somewhat "adopted" me too. landmate said last night "she always wanted a daughter" which was both very sweet and validating for its intention as well as the nonchalance which which he said it as if it was the most normal thing in the world.
(sadly my mum did not want a daughter)
#offGrid #communityidk why practically everyone i meet opens up their deepest darkest secrets to me in the first 5 mins of knowing them but it happens. a Lot. i have no idea what im doing to trigger it other than maybe listening with interest, idk.
obviously that worked very well indeed with camming because thats pretty much exactly the sort of quality you need when paid by the min, but it's also quite handy in other situations too like understanding and diffusing tensions which if left unchecked could become problematic for everyone.
idk if i have a point really other than like, look after each other or something. -
@nflux I'd certainly offer the CBD. Gently
@deepmud yeah definitely. my gf is super sensitive so my sensors are already calibrated to be gentle
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@deepmud yeah definitely. my gf is super sensitive so my sensors are already calibrated to be gentle
@nflux I'm probably of a similar age. I've used marijuana for quite a while to help with sleep and to fend off migraines.
Another thing your lady might enjoy is some simple sewing, and also maybe an easy video game like "the untitled goose game". I just recently discovered this game and it's a lot of fun. There's no losing so it's not hard on self esteem and learning to operate the hand thingy (I still don't know the name of it!) will be good for her brain.
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@nflux I'm probably of a similar age. I've used marijuana for quite a while to help with sleep and to fend off migraines.
Another thing your lady might enjoy is some simple sewing, and also maybe an easy video game like "the untitled goose game". I just recently discovered this game and it's a lot of fun. There's no losing so it's not hard on self esteem and learning to operate the hand thingy (I still don't know the name of it!) will be good for her brain.
@deepmud eyesight isnt so great unfortunately. i was thinking along those lines with cards initially but she struggles to see the numbers and isnt suuuper willing to try new things either (so yes she's somewhat standing her own way which is not at all like anyone/everyone i know
either that or she's feigning poor eyesight to set up fleecing me at blackjack or whatever -
@nflux I'm probably of a similar age. I've used marijuana for quite a while to help with sleep and to fend off migraines.
Another thing your lady might enjoy is some simple sewing, and also maybe an easy video game like "the untitled goose game". I just recently discovered this game and it's a lot of fun. There's no losing so it's not hard on self esteem and learning to operate the hand thingy (I still don't know the name of it!) will be good for her brain.
@deepmud also *hoooooonk*
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@nflux I'm probably of a similar age. I've used marijuana for quite a while to help with sleep and to fend off migraines.
Another thing your lady might enjoy is some simple sewing, and also maybe an easy video game like "the untitled goose game". I just recently discovered this game and it's a lot of fun. There's no losing so it's not hard on self esteem and learning to operate the hand thingy (I still don't know the name of it!) will be good for her brain.
@deepmud something non goal oriented like goose game could be entertaining and perhaps if i can send it to the big telly that might sidestep the vision issues. presumably theres a lot of laughing involved at how the goose has terrorised everyone?
im also trying to walk a fine line though between her and my landmate, in that i dont want to complicate or undermine his rship with her, or be seen as influencing her, but at the same time i saw someone who (was) unhappy and needed urgent moral support and a bit of companionship.
i hung out with landmate last night and so far it seems ive been walking that line about right, and he seems very grateful of the help. . -
@deepmud something non goal oriented like goose game could be entertaining and perhaps if i can send it to the big telly that might sidestep the vision issues. presumably theres a lot of laughing involved at how the goose has terrorised everyone?
im also trying to walk a fine line though between her and my landmate, in that i dont want to complicate or undermine his rship with her, or be seen as influencing her, but at the same time i saw someone who (was) unhappy and needed urgent moral support and a bit of companionship.
i hung out with landmate last night and so far it seems ive been walking that line about right, and he seems very grateful of the help. .the problem i tend to find is that after a while of talking about stuff to ppl, they may start to question authority (and in this case "authority" is LM) and then i potentially get blamed for "inciting rebellion".
im generally on the side of independence and teaching people to do things for themselves but the problem is i generally run into some low-key controlling behaviour in someone along the way and that doesnt mesh so well with independence.
so e.g back in the day with my raving friends i didnt realise at first but the girls never racked up lines, it was only the guys, and i found that a little weird and uncomfortable. enter my gf who ofc i showed how to rack up right away and then she was like lol its easy, and showed the other girls.
now they didnt have to wait for their guys to cut lines for them. & even before the joy (i feel when someone learns a cool thing or achieves independence) had hit, i got blamed for showing my gf how to prepare her own chems
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@deepmud something non goal oriented like goose game could be entertaining and perhaps if i can send it to the big telly that might sidestep the vision issues. presumably theres a lot of laughing involved at how the goose has terrorised everyone?
im also trying to walk a fine line though between her and my landmate, in that i dont want to complicate or undermine his rship with her, or be seen as influencing her, but at the same time i saw someone who (was) unhappy and needed urgent moral support and a bit of companionship.
i hung out with landmate last night and so far it seems ive been walking that line about right, and he seems very grateful of the help. .that was doubly insulting really cos not just (them) "let me keep my gf in a controlled position" like weird and a bit creepy but y'all do y'all, but expecting me to "keep my girl in line" too! (lmao as if) in order to not undermine their (controlling) behaviour. like hello have you met me? name one time i did what i was "told".
...especially now that it was clear that this wasnt just an oversight but intended . tsk.
[narrator: flux did not comply, and in fact encouraged independence even moreso in their gf] -
@deepmud eyesight isnt so great unfortunately. i was thinking along those lines with cards initially but she struggles to see the numbers and isnt suuuper willing to try new things either (so yes she's somewhat standing her own way which is not at all like anyone/everyone i know
either that or she's feigning poor eyesight to set up fleecing me at blackjack or whatever @nflux all you can do is suggest and enable. That's it.
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that was doubly insulting really cos not just (them) "let me keep my gf in a controlled position" like weird and a bit creepy but y'all do y'all, but expecting me to "keep my girl in line" too! (lmao as if) in order to not undermine their (controlling) behaviour. like hello have you met me? name one time i did what i was "told".
...especially now that it was clear that this wasnt just an oversight but intended . tsk.
[narrator: flux did not comply, and in fact encouraged independence even moreso in their gf]@nflux good for you. She's going to appreciate you more than ever
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the problem i tend to find is that after a while of talking about stuff to ppl, they may start to question authority (and in this case "authority" is LM) and then i potentially get blamed for "inciting rebellion".
im generally on the side of independence and teaching people to do things for themselves but the problem is i generally run into some low-key controlling behaviour in someone along the way and that doesnt mesh so well with independence.
so e.g back in the day with my raving friends i didnt realise at first but the girls never racked up lines, it was only the guys, and i found that a little weird and uncomfortable. enter my gf who ofc i showed how to rack up right away and then she was like lol its easy, and showed the other girls.
now they didnt have to wait for their guys to cut lines for them. & even before the joy (i feel when someone learns a cool thing or achieves independence) had hit, i got blamed for showing my gf how to prepare her own chems@nflux there are so many people who believe that we cannot exist as equals, and so always they want the hierarchy. The hierarchy isn't our friend because for one thing, there's *always* at least one asshole who HAS to be on top.
And it's usually the exact worst person for the job.
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@nflux there are so many people who believe that we cannot exist as equals, and so always they want the hierarchy. The hierarchy isn't our friend because for one thing, there's *always* at least one asshole who HAS to be on top.
And it's usually the exact worst person for the job.
@deepmud yeah it was actually quite a surprise bc these were supposed to be relatively "enlightened" guys. so to accidentally trip over that in the middle of that ongoing hedonism was like finding a stray farage in my soup.
also, kind-of a fragile hold on things too. its not like you need to be a genius to figure it out, and the guy's gf was a PhD and smart as a whip.
we also had it this the other way too. i think i was just beginning to wrap my head around the idea of transitioning and these were very close friends, so must have told them around then I'll and one of the other women who wasn't a regular at our sessions practically had steam coming out of her ears as my gf explained it and then the final verdict was "why are you letting him [me at the time] do it [transition]" to which my gf laughed in the same sort of way as I'd laughed when it was suggested i "control my girl. " -
@deepmud yeah it was actually quite a surprise bc these were supposed to be relatively "enlightened" guys. so to accidentally trip over that in the middle of that ongoing hedonism was like finding a stray farage in my soup.
also, kind-of a fragile hold on things too. its not like you need to be a genius to figure it out, and the guy's gf was a PhD and smart as a whip.
we also had it this the other way too. i think i was just beginning to wrap my head around the idea of transitioning and these were very close friends, so must have told them around then I'll and one of the other women who wasn't a regular at our sessions practically had steam coming out of her ears as my gf explained it and then the final verdict was "why are you letting him [me at the time] do it [transition]" to which my gf laughed in the same sort of way as I'd laughed when it was suggested i "control my girl. "@deepmud like a) get fucked bro
b) there'd be no controlling this adorable whirlwind of chaos even if i wanted to
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c) also i dont want to
but it sure gave us a glimpse into how their relationships were structured. -
@deepmud yeah it was actually quite a surprise bc these were supposed to be relatively "enlightened" guys. so to accidentally trip over that in the middle of that ongoing hedonism was like finding a stray farage in my soup.
also, kind-of a fragile hold on things too. its not like you need to be a genius to figure it out, and the guy's gf was a PhD and smart as a whip.
we also had it this the other way too. i think i was just beginning to wrap my head around the idea of transitioning and these were very close friends, so must have told them around then I'll and one of the other women who wasn't a regular at our sessions practically had steam coming out of her ears as my gf explained it and then the final verdict was "why are you letting him [me at the time] do it [transition]" to which my gf laughed in the same sort of way as I'd laughed when it was suggested i "control my girl. "@deepmud its so weird how (generally NTs) seem normal and nice on the surface but just below the surface there's some pretty strange/abusive takes on how relationships ought to work.
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@nflux good for you. She's going to appreciate you more than ever
@deepmud and i her
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