Car just drove by and one of the guys in it made the 🐈👅 gesture out the window at me.
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@jfparis @rbphotographic
Exactly that. And then you're wondering what you can wear and what you shouldn't wear. I wear sports leggings to run in because they are the most comfortable thing but, you want a dark colour so they don't draw attention and a tee-shirt which isn't too fitted. I always wear either a beanie or a baseball cap to cover my hair and would never run outside in shorts, unless I'm with other people.
It's actually fucking exhausting to have to think like this...@Jaimieserotica
And if you wear dark colours, you can also be blamed for not being visible enough if a driver runs you over.Catch 22
@rbphotographic @alice -
@Jaimieserotica
And if you wear dark colours, you can also be blamed for not being visible enough if a driver runs you over.Catch 22
@rbphotographic @alice@jfparis
Hi-vis tops are fine (as long as they aren't fitted) dark leggings don't show the shape of your legs and ass as much as lighter ones. Pale coloured running leggings seem to be an invitation to be harassed.
I would never exercise outdoors in anything other than full daylight anyway.
@rbphotographic @alice -
@alice Are you addressing *all* "guys"? I'm a "guy", but neither do I drive an insult on four wheels (also called "car"), nor am I single.
The shame of being a "human being" is enough already!
Funny. I read it as addressed to all the guys who think this behavior is appropriate.
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Okay, I'll bite:
When you read or hear complaints from men about us that are both generalized and not modified with words like "Some," do you also rush in then to tell them "Not all women, Dude!" ?
I expect consistency since all day long in other spaces I can readily find shit like, "Lol women are all just selfish, money-grubbing parasites for not sleeping with me right now."
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@jfparis
Hi-vis tops are fine (as long as they aren't fitted) dark leggings don't show the shape of your legs and ass as much as lighter ones. Pale coloured running leggings seem to be an invitation to be harassed.
I would never exercise outdoors in anything other than full daylight anyway.
@rbphotographic @alice@Jaimieserotica the fact that "does this read as `asking` for it?" is even a passing thought in most women's minds is a mark of just how wholely society has failed to address the actual problem.
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@Colman one of the insidious things is that it's *so* easy to miss when you're not the target.
Of the 4 people in the car (one girl, 3 guys), only the guy making the gesture, and the guy laughing next to him seemed aware of it. So besides me and the two who found it funny, no one else on that busy street noticed.
@alice @Colman @Aprazeth I can't get over how many guys *were right there* and manage not to see it. Was in a taxi one time with a driver who was refusing to follow the turn by turn directions I was saying. Just turning his own way. The fellow, guy-passenger in the car had no idea why this might be terrifying.
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@31113 @irene It may depend on the context. Compliment something that someone has clearly put effort into.
If I haven't really done much with my hair except leave it be for a few days, or if I feel it's having a scraggly day, it feels weird to get a compliment on it. But if I've put effort into it, then sure! I'll probably joke about how I put water in it, but that's more because I'm not always practiced with receiving compliments.
But things like a well out together outfit, coordinated nail color, etc make for appearance themed compliments that land much better than just body parts.
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@alice @Colman @irene @blainsmith @rbphotographic
As an older guy who works with a lot of younger women, if I ever give them a compliment it is a completely neutral phrase like "you look amazing". No implication of attraction involved. "You look great" seems safe. What do you think?
@negative12dollarbill @alice @Colman @blainsmith @rbphotographic it’s better to compliment them on their work. Women are so use to being objectified and only there to be looked at that they sometimes want to not be looked at and judged on their appearance. I’m not speaking for all women but for me at least, I don’t think of how I look at work at all. It can be jarring to be reminded of it when I’m at work, I think of myself as a sort of formless blob talking about operating systems. You might think it’s a compliment but it might be difficult for the women to have to stop their work and think about how to respond. I might recommend you read this blog post that I wrote for more insights. https://irenezhang.com/blog/2024/07/24/misogyny.html
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@negative12dollarbill @alice @Colman @blainsmith @rbphotographic it’s better to compliment them on their work. Women are so use to being objectified and only there to be looked at that they sometimes want to not be looked at and judged on their appearance. I’m not speaking for all women but for me at least, I don’t think of how I look at work at all. It can be jarring to be reminded of it when I’m at work, I think of myself as a sort of formless blob talking about operating systems. You might think it’s a compliment but it might be difficult for the women to have to stop their work and think about how to respond. I might recommend you read this blog post that I wrote for more insights. https://irenezhang.com/blog/2024/07/24/misogyny.html
@irene @negative12dollarbill @alice @Colman @rbphotographic When my daughter first started getting into dressing herself with outfits of her design I never replied with "you look so pretty/cute/etc". I always phased it as "you're outfit choice today is so creative" and then followed up with asking how she ended up choosing it. This way it still support her in a way she wanted to be support, but never about her looks and always about her choices of creativity she wanted to share with me.
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@31113 @irene It may depend on the context. Compliment something that someone has clearly put effort into.
If I haven't really done much with my hair except leave it be for a few days, or if I feel it's having a scraggly day, it feels weird to get a compliment on it. But if I've put effort into it, then sure! I'll probably joke about how I put water in it, but that's more because I'm not always practiced with receiving compliments.
But things like a well out together outfit, coordinated nail color, etc make for appearance themed compliments that land much better than just body parts.
@h3mmy @31113 agreed. I really don’t do anything with my hair but I have had a terrible time finding people that know how to cut and style it because it is stiff and very straight. Only after I moved to Seattle and found a Japanese hair stylist was I able to get a decent hair cut. So my hair has always felt like a struggle. Of course it’s nothing compared to what black women go through. So you might think hair is kind of neutral but our shitty system has politicized it, like basically everything else about women’s bodies. https://legaldefensefund.substack.com/p/black-people-face-hair-discrimination
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@h3mmy @31113 agreed. I really don’t do anything with my hair but I have had a terrible time finding people that know how to cut and style it because it is stiff and very straight. Only after I moved to Seattle and found a Japanese hair stylist was I able to get a decent hair cut. So my hair has always felt like a struggle. Of course it’s nothing compared to what black women go through. So you might think hair is kind of neutral but our shitty system has politicized it, like basically everything else about women’s bodies. https://legaldefensefund.substack.com/p/black-people-face-hair-discrimination
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@irene @negative12dollarbill @alice @Colman @rbphotographic When my daughter first started getting into dressing herself with outfits of her design I never replied with "you look so pretty/cute/etc". I always phased it as "you're outfit choice today is so creative" and then followed up with asking how she ended up choosing it. This way it still support her in a way she wanted to be support, but never about her looks and always about her choices of creativity she wanted to share with me.
@blainsmith @negative12dollarbill @alice @Colman @rbphotographic Awesome yes! I almost never have an issue with women complimenting me because it’s almost always about a specific item of clothing that I’m wearing. Then because I’m Asian and Midwestern, I have to tell them what a good deal that I got on it.
