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  3. My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi

My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi

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  • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

    My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
    It's a feature that I would regret.
    I just need a way to wash my pants.
    Not show them to the Internet.

    My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
    I'd value that least of all.
    It's already shielded from getting too hot.
    It doesn't need another firewall.

    My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
    That is just not useful for me.
    I want a place to chill my food.
    Not chat via TCP/IP.

    sylviafysica@scholar.socialS This user is from outside of this forum
    sylviafysica@scholar.socialS This user is from outside of this forum
    sylviafysica@scholar.social
    wrote last edited by
    #7

    @neil I wrote a short story related to this: How my wife got brain-hacked (again). It's the story of a man who finally bought an electric toothbrush for his wife’s birthday. Pdf: https://press.palni.org/ojs/index.php/academfic/article/view/808/737

    1 Reply Last reply
    0
    • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

      My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
      It's a feature that I would regret.
      I just need a way to wash my pants.
      Not show them to the Internet.

      My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
      I'd value that least of all.
      It's already shielded from getting too hot.
      It doesn't need another firewall.

      My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
      That is just not useful for me.
      I want a place to chill my food.
      Not chat via TCP/IP.

      accordingtowouter@mastodon.worldA This user is from outside of this forum
      accordingtowouter@mastodon.worldA This user is from outside of this forum
      accordingtowouter@mastodon.world
      wrote last edited by
      #8

      @neil I also don't understand the urge to connect all devices to the internet. Even your toothbrush. I guess I'm just an analogue old man 🙂

      1 Reply Last reply
      0
      • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

        My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
        It's a feature that I would regret.
        I just need a way to wash my pants.
        Not show them to the Internet.

        My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
        I'd value that least of all.
        It's already shielded from getting too hot.
        It doesn't need another firewall.

        My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
        That is just not useful for me.
        I want a place to chill my food.
        Not chat via TCP/IP.

        jandi@mastodon.socialJ This user is from outside of this forum
        jandi@mastodon.socialJ This user is from outside of this forum
        jandi@mastodon.social
        wrote last edited by
        #9

        @neil But Neil you're being heartless
        We will just take a peep
        (We and our twenty thousand spying partners
        And yes we never sleep).

        1 Reply Last reply
        0
        • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

          My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
          It's a feature that I would regret.
          I just need a way to wash my pants.
          Not show them to the Internet.

          My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
          I'd value that least of all.
          It's already shielded from getting too hot.
          It doesn't need another firewall.

          My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
          That is just not useful for me.
          I want a place to chill my food.
          Not chat via TCP/IP.

          plukkiepanda@mastodon.nlP This user is from outside of this forum
          plukkiepanda@mastodon.nlP This user is from outside of this forum
          plukkiepanda@mastodon.nl
          wrote last edited by
          #10

          @neil

          It comes in handy when you leave the door open on your smartfridge. You'll get a notification. 🙂

          (But I never understood why the fridge doesn't close the door itself, being so smart.. 🤔 )

          1 Reply Last reply
          0
          • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

            My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
            It's a feature that I would regret.
            I just need a way to wash my pants.
            Not show them to the Internet.

            My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
            I'd value that least of all.
            It's already shielded from getting too hot.
            It doesn't need another firewall.

            My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
            That is just not useful for me.
            I want a place to chill my food.
            Not chat via TCP/IP.

            rpsu@mas.toR This user is from outside of this forum
            rpsu@mas.toR This user is from outside of this forum
            rpsu@mas.to
            wrote last edited by
            #11

            @neil Should these devices need WiFi I’d grant them a WiFi but block internet access 😄

            1 Reply Last reply
            0
            • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

              My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
              It's a feature that I would regret.
              I just need a way to wash my pants.
              Not show them to the Internet.

              My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
              I'd value that least of all.
              It's already shielded from getting too hot.
              It doesn't need another firewall.

              My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
              That is just not useful for me.
              I want a place to chill my food.
              Not chat via TCP/IP.

              gumnos@mastodon.bsd.cafeG This user is from outside of this forum
              gumnos@mastodon.bsd.cafeG This user is from outside of this forum
              gumnos@mastodon.bsd.cafe
              wrote last edited by
              #12

              My microwave is clearly best.
              It's never sent a SYN request.

              It might cook food unevenly
              but doesn't need DHCP.

              No updates needed, no network jack,
              for nation-states to come and hack.

              If power blinks, the clock will flash,
              but remote attacks can't make it crash.

              When your app's site decides to close
              I'll still enjoy my burritos.

              @neil

              mirabilos@toot.mirbsd.orgM 1 Reply Last reply
              0
              • R relay@relay.infosec.exchange shared this topic
              • g7vkq@mastodon.radioG g7vkq@mastodon.radio

                @Dragon @neil @Aphrodite to be honest I have a pretty extensive smarthome setup…lots of intelligent devices controlled over WiFi. My dishwasher and washing machine also have WiFi…but never once have I used the WiFi nor have a desire to do so (talk to my wife and she says I’ve never used the machines either🫢). The timers on both devices work very well and supplant the need for any WiFi connection. I can’t see the use case…

                gilester45@twit.socialG This user is from outside of this forum
                gilester45@twit.socialG This user is from outside of this forum
                gilester45@twit.social
                wrote last edited by
                #13

                @g7vkq @Dragon @neil @Aphrodite Same. I've got WiFi power monitoring plugs on all interesting devices, and generate an "I'm finished" alert where necessary by watching for when the power use drops. This is optimal, in my opinion.

                I do not need not want apps or to manage updates on my domestic appliances.

                1 Reply Last reply
                0
                • R relay@relay.an.exchange shared this topic
                • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

                  My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
                  It's a feature that I would regret.
                  I just need a way to wash my pants.
                  Not show them to the Internet.

                  My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
                  I'd value that least of all.
                  It's already shielded from getting too hot.
                  It doesn't need another firewall.

                  My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
                  That is just not useful for me.
                  I want a place to chill my food.
                  Not chat via TCP/IP.

                  catdad@ohai.socialC This user is from outside of this forum
                  catdad@ohai.socialC This user is from outside of this forum
                  catdad@ohai.social
                  wrote last edited by
                  #14

                  @neil Rage Against The (Aggressively Intrusive) Machine

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  0
                  • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

                    My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
                    It's a feature that I would regret.
                    I just need a way to wash my pants.
                    Not show them to the Internet.

                    My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
                    I'd value that least of all.
                    It's already shielded from getting too hot.
                    It doesn't need another firewall.

                    My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
                    That is just not useful for me.
                    I want a place to chill my food.
                    Not chat via TCP/IP.

                    saltywizard@beige.partyS This user is from outside of this forum
                    saltywizard@beige.partyS This user is from outside of this forum
                    saltywizard@beige.party
                    wrote last edited by
                    #15

                    @neil

                    do one for my dishwasher!

                    neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN 1 Reply Last reply
                    0
                    • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

                      My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
                      It's a feature that I would regret.
                      I just need a way to wash my pants.
                      Not show them to the Internet.

                      My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
                      I'd value that least of all.
                      It's already shielded from getting too hot.
                      It doesn't need another firewall.

                      My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
                      That is just not useful for me.
                      I want a place to chill my food.
                      Not chat via TCP/IP.

                      reay@beige.partyR This user is from outside of this forum
                      reay@beige.partyR This user is from outside of this forum
                      reay@beige.party
                      wrote last edited by
                      #16

                      @neil
                      @FirewallDragons A problem so pervasive there’s poetry about it now. 🙂

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      0
                      • saltywizard@beige.partyS saltywizard@beige.party

                        @neil

                        do one for my dishwasher!

                        neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN This user is from outside of this forum
                        neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN This user is from outside of this forum
                        neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk
                        wrote last edited by
                        #17

                        @saltywizard

                        Your dishwasher doesn't need Wi-Fi.
                        It's there to clean off food and grease.
                        It'll probably mess up, say "Server not found",
                        And drop its DHCP lease.

                        saltywizard@beige.partyS 1 Reply Last reply
                        0
                        • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

                          My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
                          It's a feature that I would regret.
                          I just need a way to wash my pants.
                          Not show them to the Internet.

                          My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
                          I'd value that least of all.
                          It's already shielded from getting too hot.
                          It doesn't need another firewall.

                          My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
                          That is just not useful for me.
                          I want a place to chill my food.
                          Not chat via TCP/IP.

                          dynhafren@mastodon.worldD This user is from outside of this forum
                          dynhafren@mastodon.worldD This user is from outside of this forum
                          dynhafren@mastodon.world
                          wrote last edited by
                          #18

                          @neil

                          👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          0
                          • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

                            @saltywizard

                            Your dishwasher doesn't need Wi-Fi.
                            It's there to clean off food and grease.
                            It'll probably mess up, say "Server not found",
                            And drop its DHCP lease.

                            saltywizard@beige.partyS This user is from outside of this forum
                            saltywizard@beige.partyS This user is from outside of this forum
                            saltywizard@beige.party
                            wrote last edited by
                            #19

                            @neil

                            brilliant!

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            0
                            • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

                              My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
                              It's a feature that I would regret.
                              I just need a way to wash my pants.
                              Not show them to the Internet.

                              My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
                              I'd value that least of all.
                              It's already shielded from getting too hot.
                              It doesn't need another firewall.

                              My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
                              That is just not useful for me.
                              I want a place to chill my food.
                              Not chat via TCP/IP.

                              guillotine_jones@beige.partyG This user is from outside of this forum
                              guillotine_jones@beige.partyG This user is from outside of this forum
                              guillotine_jones@beige.party
                              wrote last edited by
                              #20

                              @neil
                              I hereby nominate this effort of yours, Neil, for the Nobel Prize in Literature.
                              We usually think of this prize as being for prose authors, but numerous poets have won it in the past, and I, for one, think you deserve to be among their number.

                              neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN 1 Reply Last reply
                              0
                              • guillotine_jones@beige.partyG guillotine_jones@beige.party

                                @neil
                                I hereby nominate this effort of yours, Neil, for the Nobel Prize in Literature.
                                We usually think of this prize as being for prose authors, but numerous poets have won it in the past, and I, for one, think you deserve to be among their number.

                                neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN This user is from outside of this forum
                                neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN This user is from outside of this forum
                                neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk
                                wrote last edited by
                                #21

                                @Guillotine_Jones

                                Aw, thank you!

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                0
                                • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

                                  My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
                                  It's a feature that I would regret.
                                  I just need a way to wash my pants.
                                  Not show them to the Internet.

                                  My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
                                  I'd value that least of all.
                                  It's already shielded from getting too hot.
                                  It doesn't need another firewall.

                                  My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
                                  That is just not useful for me.
                                  I want a place to chill my food.
                                  Not chat via TCP/IP.

                                  garybrazzell@mastodon.socialG This user is from outside of this forum
                                  garybrazzell@mastodon.socialG This user is from outside of this forum
                                  garybrazzell@mastodon.social
                                  wrote last edited by
                                  #22

                                  @neil My bathroom weight scale promised all these fancy features, but when the product arrived, none of the features worked with the scales own display or processing. I had to download the app. The app refused to work unless I gave it access to my camera and my contacts! Is the app going to take a picture of me on the bathroom and contact my friends about it? I deleted the app, and to this day, the scales show up as a device waiting for a connection to anyone in my house.

                                  gumnos@mastodon.bsd.cafeG 1 Reply Last reply
                                  0
                                  • garybrazzell@mastodon.socialG garybrazzell@mastodon.social

                                    @neil My bathroom weight scale promised all these fancy features, but when the product arrived, none of the features worked with the scales own display or processing. I had to download the app. The app refused to work unless I gave it access to my camera and my contacts! Is the app going to take a picture of me on the bathroom and contact my friends about it? I deleted the app, and to this day, the scales show up as a device waiting for a connection to anyone in my house.

                                    gumnos@mastodon.bsd.cafeG This user is from outside of this forum
                                    gumnos@mastodon.bsd.cafeG This user is from outside of this forum
                                    gumnos@mastodon.bsd.cafe
                                    wrote last edited by
                                    #23

                                    @garybrazzell @neil I can't help but remember the post I saw recently where a woman discovered that her husband was cheating on her because her scale-app reported someone not-husband-weight using the scale while she wasn't home.

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    0
                                    • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

                                      My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
                                      It's a feature that I would regret.
                                      I just need a way to wash my pants.
                                      Not show them to the Internet.

                                      My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
                                      I'd value that least of all.
                                      It's already shielded from getting too hot.
                                      It doesn't need another firewall.

                                      My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
                                      That is just not useful for me.
                                      I want a place to chill my food.
                                      Not chat via TCP/IP.

                                      sborrill@justfollow.me.ukS This user is from outside of this forum
                                      sborrill@justfollow.me.ukS This user is from outside of this forum
                                      sborrill@justfollow.me.uk
                                      wrote last edited by
                                      #24

                                      @neil I did an OTA firmware on my car yesterday which took three hours during which time it was not usable and even the alarm was disabled. It also woke me up this morning by messaging me to tell me it was fully charged. Another feature is that it provides its own WiFi hotspot for up to 8 devices to use. OTOH it seems to be incapable of playing a list of MP3s in random order unlike the old car.

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      0
                                      • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

                                        My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
                                        It's a feature that I would regret.
                                        I just need a way to wash my pants.
                                        Not show them to the Internet.

                                        My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
                                        I'd value that least of all.
                                        It's already shielded from getting too hot.
                                        It doesn't need another firewall.

                                        My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
                                        That is just not useful for me.
                                        I want a place to chill my food.
                                        Not chat via TCP/IP.

                                        ? Offline
                                        ? Offline
                                        Guest
                                        wrote last edited by
                                        #25

                                        @neil We just got a new Whirlpool washer and dryer. No WiFi or Bluetooth. They replaced the Maytags that we bought 30 years ago that I've been nursing along for the past 10+ years with lots of repairs.

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        0
                                        • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

                                          My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
                                          It's a feature that I would regret.
                                          I just need a way to wash my pants.
                                          Not show them to the Internet.

                                          My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
                                          I'd value that least of all.
                                          It's already shielded from getting too hot.
                                          It doesn't need another firewall.

                                          My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
                                          That is just not useful for me.
                                          I want a place to chill my food.
                                          Not chat via TCP/IP.

                                          tarix29@tech.lgbtT This user is from outside of this forum
                                          tarix29@tech.lgbtT This user is from outside of this forum
                                          tarix29@tech.lgbt
                                          wrote last edited by
                                          #26

                                          @neil I live in an apartment building where the washing machine (1 for the whole building) has WiFi/Bluetooth. You have to pay to use it and if you don't use their proprietary app and pay with credit card (it does not accept coins or swipe/chip cards, only contactless) it charges you 50 cents more

                                          neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN joonq@mastodon.socialJ 2 Replies Last reply
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