CIRCLE WITH A DOT

@pigworker
Short response:
if I was you, I would go to Taco Bell or a nearby restaurant close to the radio station. Eat till I’m full, and grab a fart spray, then sneak in and take a HUGE fucking dump at their toilet then when I’m done, I’mma spray the whole place with the fart spray then watch them try to use the toilet afterwards. I probably chose a holiday where they’re going to eat more or certain foods that will increase the chances they will use their toilets.

@pigworker
I could say all of that stuff, and there will be contradictory/hypocritical days like today where you get lost in thought or work and you forget to go to sleep and behave in ways that even I don’t like but it is what it is, I probably have “issues”, I just consider it my “personality”. It’s not a “bug” in my code, it’s just a “feature”.

@pigworker
But on the brighter side, at least it’s “quieter” and you could sleep easily at night. You don’t have that much emotional turmoil because of “drainers”. Like, you don’t have to be “brave”cause that shit is exhausting and at times, it’s just stupid, you could just be like “fuck off” or politely say “okay” and just walk away, it’s too peaceful that it’s addictive. But Obviously I’m not there yet, you could tell but I’m trying to that level, to be like Jesus.

@pigworker
That said, I will admit by choosing the first option, it’s not just that it’s “lonelier”… tbh, I don’t really feel “lonely”, cause I don’t feel the negative emotions, in fact, I enjoy it… BUT by choosing the first option, you’re basically shooting yourselves in the feet, certain opportunities are closed, certain opportunities even though they are open, you wouldn’t even take it because of your moral values cause it just “feels” wrong….

@pigworker
That’s personally why I think, the trade off being lonely but having peace is better than having friends and fulfilment since if you choose the “friends and social fulfillment” option, you have to deal with what I call “drainers” more. I think, I would lose my mind if I’m around these people for too long, you could love and help people, but you have to do it strategically, from a distance like a ninja 🥷 cause it’s wiser and safer that way, both for you and them.

@pigworker
Like, you’re too “old” or too “educated”to be talking crazy, like you should be wiser. I think social media and “radio stations” or whatever, even though, it gave people voices, and a “safe” place. They think they’re invincible, I don’t think people are fully aware of how “vulnerable” they are if someone wants to end their life. Some people, unfortunately, you have to put “fear” in their hearts for them to be good even though they believe what they’re saying/being is good.

@pigworker
Tbh, you just have to accept the trade off. Me personally, I don’t have “thick” skin, words do bother me, words do hurt, cause words could be disrespectful and disrespect is just disrespect… idc if a old head says some bullshit like “stick and stones could break my bones but words could never… blah blah blah”. All I’m going to say to that is If you’re going to talk shit then be prepared to get your bones broken.

@pigworker
I just rather deal with “loneliness” than “hate” from others, “emotionally”, it hurts me more than physical pain, and trust me, I have endured my fair share of physical pain lol. I have to realize myreaction to such “emotional” pain, my initial/knee jerk reaction is for me to kill them, or even better, make them FEEL my pain and the pain of others but if I do that then I becoming like them.

@pigworker
That said, I remember when you said you love people and even though it’s not bad to love people and it has its benefits, but it’s going to be “tortures”. Me personally, I will admit there was a time that really craved social acceptance, having friends and even falling love… all that movie stuff, I tried… but it’s just in “movies”, it’s literally cope, reality is less “colorful”.

@pigworker
Partly the way I am is because of my personal experience, I was somewhat ostracized when I was young and developed a imaginary friendship with God, and loved math cause those were the only two places I felt at ease and things just made sense then I kinda become a atheist at 11 then wrestled with religion but now, I just realized “God” is useful to regulate my emotions with little “cost”, I just offload stuff plus I feel like “God” could truly see me more than myself

@pigworker
Also I’m somewhat afraid of “people”, not just cause they might do harm to me but worse, I might do harm to others unknowingly by being part of “people”. I really have a hard time “trusting” or even “loving”, it’s dangerous, you have to be really careful who you could trust and what you trust them with, you can’t be completely vulnerable. I believe certain “skeletons” or “scars” you have should never see a light of day, I personally don’t have the courage to do so, I rather die.

@pigworker imma be honest, everyone is biased, including myself. In practice, I’m “traditional”/“religious” cause that’s how I was raised and I look up to the prophets, I just cannot have admiration for example a person like Jesus regardless of religion, that said, I tend to lowkey dislike most “regilious” ppl cause I find them annoying and fake, tbh I find most people annoying but I digress lol

@pigworker @MartinEscardo
Tbh, certain people are lucky that we live in a “civil” and “developed” society, if we lived in an anarchist world, I honestly think, I might have hunted them down cause the amount of “hate” they have is threatening to my existence and others. Thank god, for certain “rules/laws”

@pigworker @MartinEscardo
I have came to realize that I am somewhat of a sensitive person, even I might come off as cold on the outside, I do feel things deeply and there are so many variables that I have to account for and I just feel like I have no option but to try to get “stronger” or like be a better “fighter”, it’s either that or death for me.

But I get what you’re saying though, I resonate with it.

@pigworker @MartinEscardo
Tbh I feel that, I’m doing the same, I will be honest, it’s not that “I’m trying to win”, don’t get me wrong, I’m somewhat a competitive person. I’m doing the same, just putting one foot after the other everyday, it just feels like everything is set up against me to fail, and I feel like I’m being disrespected and it’s exhausting but I just can’t give up because I would let “them” win, by “fighting”, I help myself and others so I try to be a “fighter”

@pigworker @MartinEscardo
That said, what I don’t understand is “not trying to win”, you can’t leave the game of life, even if you die, your death would influence the game, unfortunately you can’t really “escape”. So I don’t understand when people don’t try to maximize what they deem to be “good”and exploration, even try to “hack” it (that’s why black holes and quantum physics fascinate me, I view those as realities exploits but anyways) then thankfully, the game eventually would terminate you

@pigworker @MartinEscardo
The more “freedom” you posses, the greater potential you have to be “Brave”, because you have less “strings”/“chains” restricting you. I don’t believe you could be completely “free”, certain chains are unavoidable, like biology, physics and etc… they just part of the game. Also being part of society, there are certain chains/rules you accept but if those laws/rules align with your own principles then they’re not “restrictive”.

@pigworker @MartinEscardo
Also, You have to be cowardly to some degree, I will admit I’m being a coward or a “bitch” (colloquially speaking ) by “masking”myself online. I understand, it’s not honorable to be cowardly, but at times, it’s wise and intelligent to be so.

This is why I believe you have maximize “optionality” and “sovereignty”, and in today’s time, you could mostly do that through acquiring capital. The more capital you have, generally the more freedom posses…

@MartinEscardo @pigworker I don’t think your intentions were bad when you said that, I think what you said is right, that we all have to be brave to some degree, there is just levels to it. You would be surprised that a lot of people are afraid to be “brave” or to be authentically themselves because of fear repercussion or appearing “weak”. A lot of people have a fear of being “ostracized”, it’s ingrained in us evolutionary speaking, b/c we rely on eachother to survive.

@pigworker @MartinEscardo
That’s why you don’t put it on, it’s just going to ruin your day. You should only focus on “progamme” to the level you have influence over it, if you can’t fix it or make it better then why turn it on. The “hate” is part of the game, but if it gets too close then or too “hateful” then you have to terminate it but usually, now a days, thankfully you could just unplug it from entering your consciousness or emotions so that it doesn’t pollute it.