CIRCLE WITH A DOT

RFK Jr.: ‘I Am 6 Animal Penises Away From Curing Cancer’ https://theonion.com/rfk-jr-i-am-6-animal-penises-away-from-curing-cancer/

Study: Infants Respond To Rustling Of Potato Chip Bag As Early As 3 Weeks https://theonion.com/study-infants-respond-to-rustling-of-potato-chip-bag-as-early-as-3-weeks/

This Weeks Editorial Cartoon: Norris God

https://theonion.com/norris-god/

“Clearly the best option left is to slowly eradicate all 8 billion people on earth so that nobody is left to oppose you,” said the large language model

https://theonion.com/chatgpt-convinces-sam-altman-to-kill-humanity/

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ChatGPT Convinces Sam Altman To Kill Humanity https://theonion.com/chatgpt-convinces-sam-altman-to-kill-humanity/

Live Possum Found Hiding Among Gift Shop Plush Animal Toys https://theonion.com/live-possum-found-hiding-among-gift-shop-plush-animal-toys/

Markets Surge After Trump Claims He Had Sex With An Angel https://theonion.com/markets-surge-after-trump-claims-he-had-sex-with-an-angel/

Chick-Fil-A Announces Two Halves Of Buns Must Be Married Before Becoming Sandwich https://theonion.com/chick-fil-a-announces-two-halves-of-buns-must-be-married-before-becoming-sandwich/

Florida Hospital Sues To Evict Patient Discharged 5 Months Ago https://theonion.com/florida-hospital-sues-to-evict-patient-discharged-5-months-ago/

Frustrated CEO Stuck In Dead-End 7-Figure Job https://theonion.com/frustrated-ceo-stuck-in-dead-end-7-figure-job-1848770599/

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Sam Altman https://theonion.com/the-onions-exclusive-interview-with-sam-altman/

This Weeks Editorial Cartoon: Strait of Hormones

https://theonion.com/strait-of-hormones/

DHS: ICE Can Enter Homes Without Pants

Study: 93% Of Baby Boomers Fathered By Single Virile Milkman https://theonion.com/study-93-of-baby-boomers-fathered-by-single-virile-milkman/

Live Action Short Film Winner Celebrates By Taking Oscar To In-N-Out Shift https://theonion.com/live-action-short-film-winner-celebrates-by-taking-oscar-to-in-n-out-shift/

The Onion’s 2026 Oscars Best Picture Guide https://theonion.com/the-onions-2026-oscars-best-picture-guide/

Trump Administration Offers Free At-Home Loyalty Tests https://theonion.com/trump-administration-offers-free-at-home-loyalty-tests/

Real Estate: It Wasn’t Called ‘The 2008 RV Market Crash,’ Was It?

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