(want to preface this with I Love This Thread, just wanted to clarify how I think about my nonbinary gender)
I don't see myself as a "transmasc enby" - I did at one point but I have since realized that the 'direction' I'm going in is neither masc or femme. I'm just nonbinary/genderqueer/agender/genderfluid - when my therapist asked me what my ideal physical configuration would be, he didn't really know what to make of my answer, which is "a shimmery cloud of gas" like a nebula or something. but because he is a great therapist we sort of followed that thread and landed on "and that's why caftans give me gender euphoria"
I, at one point, considered myself transmasc but stopped that when I thought harder about "masculinity" and what that would mean for me, and specifically whether I wanted to go on T. I decided I'm happy with the amount of masculine I already am, so the direction has mostly been "away from the unpleasant parts of my AFAB body" and not necessarily towards a more masculine ID.
and when I consider what "more masculine" would mean for me - there's the physical stuff like the effects of T, there's social stuff like being treated like a man, there's stuff that can't change like height (which for whatever dumb reason is 'masculine') - and I am not aiming at any of that. I'm not aiming at "more feminine" either. I'm aiming in a totally different direction, and I get the feeling that's what PUF was doing too.
tl;dr gender is complicated.
