It's 12:47 am, and I am quite drunk. I'm going to bed now. I'll wake up briefly about 3:30 with a roaring headache, pee, get a drink of water, and go back to sleep. I don't care. I won't mind the headache. Today my oldest brother decided of his own free will to enter hospice care. The doctor says at most he has a few weeks. He's nine years older than me. As a child, I idolized him. As adults, he was a ne'er-do-well, always broke, mostly unemployed. But I love this ne'er-do-well, and I will mourn his passing. This is hard.