@Willow I've loved my name for as long as I can remember. I don't know when or how or why I started loving it, but I know I've loved it since I was a little girl. I remember encountering my name while reading and stopping to hold on to it. I would think about the name and its spelling, and it always felt delicate and intricate to me. Later in life, when my kids were born, it was at the top of my list for them, but we didn't give it to them. It was just always there at the front of my mind, and I always loved it.
When I came out, I decided to try a local trans support group. It was summer of 2020, so the meeting was on zoom. I had to send an email to get the link. I was still terrified, so I didn't want to use my existing email address, and I decided to create a new email address. I was just going to make a burner address, but when I was prompted for a name, I realized I could finally have the name I always loved. I didn't even have to think about it. I typed Eleanor in the box and never looked back.