At a social event last weekend, I was aggressively singled out and degendered by another member of the trans community for hours.
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But the ones in the middle, that gray area, they are the ones that can hurt or confuse the most.
This is where I try to remember that mantra, and try to let people show themselves. But it can also be the hardest, especially if they are people close to you in one way or another 🫂🫂
@dannii_montanii Fair. Very fair.
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@Her_Doing Nobody stood up for me except me.
Oh D ...
That is SO wrong. Betrayal not just by that person, but x # of people attending. (No, people might not have known you, but they could still speak up when someone was being a jerk to someone - anyone - else.)WELL DONE, YOU. WELL DONE, YOU for being blindsided and hurt and having enough in you to defend yourself. You are certainly allowed to feel wobbly after! But in the moment, YOU DID IT, and WELL DONE, YOU.
I wish I could give you a hug (if permitted!) - but I hope you are being hugged & petted & reassured by B & close friends.
FWIW, know you did change the narrative. The other person (repeatedly
) said something and you said NO. Whatever they or anyone else there said, didn't say, did, didn't do - you *did* change the narrative. You DID make a difference, and in ways you may never know.
This is not to say in any way that this wasn't a terrible and completely unnecessary experience!!
Just two tiny silver linings - you DID have it in you to stand up for yourself, and in doing so, you DID make a difference. 🤍
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I hadn't said anything until now because I didn't--I don't--want to put this person on blast. They're secondary to the point.
But it's left me feeling deeply unsafe in the wake of it all, and quite a lot like a counterfeit woman.
I've been quietly scuttling plans since it happened.
We Protect Us is a basic commitment to watching out for and respecting the fellow members of our community, because very literally nobody else will. It's what makes us safe in community, and what makes mixed spaces navigable.
We Protect Us.
Until we don't.
When this person degendered me over and over and over again, picking me out of a mixed crowd and pointing at me, they were singling me out as Other, Different. Making damn sure everyone there knew I was trans, and marking me as not-really-a-woman.
They painted a target on my back. Served me up.
I'd come out earlier that night, *before everyone had arrived*. It seemed safe then. I was less sure when things really kicked off. But even if I had, constantly reminding the room of my second-class womanhood, allowed only on sufferance, could've easily changed that.
Small acts often have outsized consequences.
What if someone there had been a virulent transphobe? What if they'd waited for me in the darkened parking lot?
We Protect Us is a commitment.
And I expected better of my community.
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I hadn't said anything until now because I didn't--I don't--want to put this person on blast. They're secondary to the point.
But it's left me feeling deeply unsafe in the wake of it all, and quite a lot like a counterfeit woman.
I've been quietly scuttling plans since it happened.
We Protect Us is a basic commitment to watching out for and respecting the fellow members of our community, because very literally nobody else will. It's what makes us safe in community, and what makes mixed spaces navigable.
We Protect Us.
Until we don't.
When this person degendered me over and over and over again, picking me out of a mixed crowd and pointing at me, they were singling me out as Other, Different. Making damn sure everyone there knew I was trans, and marking me as not-really-a-woman.
They painted a target on my back. Served me up.
I'd come out earlier that night, *before everyone had arrived*. It seemed safe then. I was less sure when things really kicked off. But even if I had, constantly reminding the room of my second-class womanhood, allowed only on sufferance, could've easily changed that.
Small acts often have outsized consequences.
What if someone there had been a virulent transphobe? What if they'd waited for me in the darkened parking lot?
We Protect Us is a commitment.
And I expected better of my community.
@Impossible_PhD I am so fucking furious for you.
And tired.
I think... a language thing I've started using is "shared demographic" rather than "community", because there's so many times I've expected the bare minimum from someone who should know better... and been disappointed.
But that doesn't _help_. It doesn't help with that shithead, and it doesn't change a room full of people who didn't speak up.
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