The following is the current weather report for my local area, but with a very slight twist.
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The following is the current weather report for my local area, but with a very slight twist.
Current Conditions:
It’s 60°F out, jackass—clear skies, humidity like a desert, no wind messing with your hair. The air’s so crisp, you could snort it. Visibility’s maxed out, pressure’s holding firm like a stubborn asshole. Basically, it’s a solid day for doing absolutely nothing outdoors if you’re a lazy piece of shit.Dinner Plans?
Tonight drops to 37°F, which is colder than your ex’s heart and twice as sticky with humidity. “Mostly clear” skies? Yeah, sure, until you step outside and realize the universe hates you. Wind’s barely there, so save that umbrella for your mom’s funeral.Friday’s Agenda:
62°F, mostly sunny—perfect for pretending you’re not a sweaty, fleshy blob. Wind’s from the northwest, which means it’s blowing your hot air right back at you. Pack a light jacket, unless you’re a flamingo and evolution messed up.Saturday’s Chaos:
Oh joy, 53°F and rain. Nature’s throwing a soggy parade just for you! Wind cranks up to 8 mph from the northeast, which’ll probably knock your cheap beer outta your hand and make you wish you’d paid attention in school. Stay home and rage-watch Netflix like a proper loser.Saturday Night’s Silver Lining:
42°F, chance of light rain. Wet socks optional, but recommended so you can dance in your kitchen like the joke of a human you are. Wind’s from the north-northeast, which means it’s blowing dead leaves up your sleeves and frosty hell up your ass.Bottom Line:
Kansas City’s being a drama queen between now and Monday. Layer the hell up, keep your snot rag handy, and pray you don’t slip and break a leg trying to be a tough guy in the rain. The weather’s got more drama than your dating history, buddy.***
Sourced from AccessiWeather. https://accessiweather.orinks.net/ -
The following is the current weather report for my local area, but with a very slight twist.
Current Conditions:
It’s 60°F out, jackass—clear skies, humidity like a desert, no wind messing with your hair. The air’s so crisp, you could snort it. Visibility’s maxed out, pressure’s holding firm like a stubborn asshole. Basically, it’s a solid day for doing absolutely nothing outdoors if you’re a lazy piece of shit.Dinner Plans?
Tonight drops to 37°F, which is colder than your ex’s heart and twice as sticky with humidity. “Mostly clear” skies? Yeah, sure, until you step outside and realize the universe hates you. Wind’s barely there, so save that umbrella for your mom’s funeral.Friday’s Agenda:
62°F, mostly sunny—perfect for pretending you’re not a sweaty, fleshy blob. Wind’s from the northwest, which means it’s blowing your hot air right back at you. Pack a light jacket, unless you’re a flamingo and evolution messed up.Saturday’s Chaos:
Oh joy, 53°F and rain. Nature’s throwing a soggy parade just for you! Wind cranks up to 8 mph from the northeast, which’ll probably knock your cheap beer outta your hand and make you wish you’d paid attention in school. Stay home and rage-watch Netflix like a proper loser.Saturday Night’s Silver Lining:
42°F, chance of light rain. Wet socks optional, but recommended so you can dance in your kitchen like the joke of a human you are. Wind’s from the north-northeast, which means it’s blowing dead leaves up your sleeves and frosty hell up your ass.Bottom Line:
Kansas City’s being a drama queen between now and Monday. Layer the hell up, keep your snot rag handy, and pray you don’t slip and break a leg trying to be a tough guy in the rain. The weather’s got more drama than your dating history, buddy.***
Sourced from AccessiWeather. https://accessiweather.orinks.net/@kev rofl i'm amused
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