Okay here me out.
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@quidcumque @singingWolf yeah I think you're right. During my youth being non binary wasn't something that existed in my framework of gender. So I tried to explain my awkwardness around girls away with it being their fault. Being all giggly and not interested in real stuff like maths, science or videogames. Later I became a politically active feminist and learned to question the assumptions I made about feminine behaviour, and the only category I fit in then was I had been one of the "pick me girls" which was seen as a kind of traitor to womens liberation and in my own mind my own gender. Today I know what was "wrong" with me and I know most of it wasn't my fault as this was one of the few ways people like me could exist in this world. As the weird one who talked videogames, went dancing with the guys when they wanted to pick up girls, their ear when said girls broke their hearts and also never being their girlfriend
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@quidcumque @singingWolf
Knitting like a grandma, singing a really high soprano and having breasts bigger than all my peers. I existed in a liminal space between genders.But to this day the I struggle with the way I see myself when I think about this time, rationally it all makes sense now but there is still an underlying sense of shame about the way I talked and thought about girls back then.
BTW My husband also always ends up with the girls
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@quidcumque @singingWolf
Knitting like a grandma, singing a really high soprano and having breasts bigger than all my peers. I existed in a liminal space between genders.But to this day the I struggle with the way I see myself when I think about this time, rationally it all makes sense now but there is still an underlying sense of shame about the way I talked and thought about girls back then.
BTW My husband also always ends up with the girls
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@Zahlenzauberin I think the difference between "pick me" and "just not a femme" is precisely that derision. It's perfectly possible, and okay, to dislike things without making fun of people who like them!
But that's not something most teenagers can do, and it's extra hard if it's about things that the sexist culture around you *also* belittles and makes fun of.
(I am guilty of the same thing!)
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@quidcumque @singingWolf yeah I think you're right. During my youth being non binary wasn't something that existed in my framework of gender. So I tried to explain my awkwardness around girls away with it being their fault. Being all giggly and not interested in real stuff like maths, science or videogames. Later I became a politically active feminist and learned to question the assumptions I made about feminine behaviour, and the only category I fit in then was I had been one of the "pick me girls" which was seen as a kind of traitor to womens liberation and in my own mind my own gender. Today I know what was "wrong" with me and I know most of it wasn't my fault as this was one of the few ways people like me could exist in this world. As the weird one who talked videogames, went dancing with the guys when they wanted to pick up girls, their ear when said girls broke their hearts and also never being their girlfriend
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@Zahlenzauberin I identified as a lesbian* as a teenager and young adult; I think that helped me process how I'm mostly like an average nerdy dude without being a dude (I am so stereotypical in my interests that friends asked whether I was a trans man!).
*I now know I'm bisexual
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