Youngest child had to work with an assigned partner for an in class assignment.
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Youngest child had to work with an assigned partner for an in class assignment. She’d done the reading, he hadn’t. They were both supposed to write down two things they’d learned. She wrote down one, then passed paper to him. He had it for a long time wrote down nothing, she took it back, wrote second thing before time was up, then he took paper, instead of writing his two facts, wanted to edit and change hers. Never added anything new. Then when had to present to class, he presented her work!
She didn’t want to make a big deal about it, wasn’t sure in the moment how to deal with it. They got all the points for the assignment so she let it go. I said I thought often women instinctually act to maximize their safety, and confronting this ass may not have felt safe. The problem is, not confronting them implicitly gives them permission to keep acting this way. Hoping she finds a way to say, “This is not ok” if it happens again.
(It will definitely happen again.)
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She didn’t want to make a big deal about it, wasn’t sure in the moment how to deal with it. They got all the points for the assignment so she let it go. I said I thought often women instinctually act to maximize their safety, and confronting this ass may not have felt safe. The problem is, not confronting them implicitly gives them permission to keep acting this way. Hoping she finds a way to say, “This is not ok” if it happens again.
(It will definitely happen again.)
@IcooIey At Uni my youngest was in the minority on her course as a girl. Working in groups led to 2 lads in hers contributing nothing to the work. She carefully credited everyone except them at the end of the group's powerpoint presentation. It was noted
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@IcooIey At Uni my youngest was in the minority on her course as a girl. Working in groups led to 2 lads in hers contributing nothing to the work. She carefully credited everyone except them at the end of the group's powerpoint presentation. It was noted
@Sarah111well this is a small intro history class and she’s the only girl. Also the only one who when they introduced themselves the first day said they were excited to take the course. The rest said they were there because they had to be.
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@Sarah111well this is a small intro history class and she’s the only girl. Also the only one who when they introduced themselves the first day said they were excited to take the course. The rest said they were there because they had to be.
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She didn’t want to make a big deal about it, wasn’t sure in the moment how to deal with it. They got all the points for the assignment so she let it go. I said I thought often women instinctually act to maximize their safety, and confronting this ass may not have felt safe. The problem is, not confronting them implicitly gives them permission to keep acting this way. Hoping she finds a way to say, “This is not ok” if it happens again.
(It will definitely happen again.)
@IcooIey I really like the way you talked through it with her.
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She didn’t want to make a big deal about it, wasn’t sure in the moment how to deal with it. They got all the points for the assignment so she let it go. I said I thought often women instinctually act to maximize their safety, and confronting this ass may not have felt safe. The problem is, not confronting them implicitly gives them permission to keep acting this way. Hoping she finds a way to say, “This is not ok” if it happens again.
(It will definitely happen again.)
@IcooIey in any group project (in school) There will always be someone or someone’s who do not contribute or pull even close to their weight. So it will be a good learning opportunity for her to learn how to handle it.
It’s still aggravating as fuck when you’re the person who’s doing what you’re supposed to be -
@IcooIey I really like the way you talked through it with her.
@PapyrusBrigade it’s really hard to know what to do in the moment, and how to do it. I’m glad she felt able to share.
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@IcooIey in any group project (in school) There will always be someone or someone’s who do not contribute or pull even close to their weight. So it will be a good learning opportunity for her to learn how to handle it.
It’s still aggravating as fuck when you’re the person who’s doing what you’re supposed to be@Da_Gut Is there anyone who actually likes group projects?? It always seems it’s much more about learning to navigate the group dynamics than learning the material.
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She didn’t want to make a big deal about it, wasn’t sure in the moment how to deal with it. They got all the points for the assignment so she let it go. I said I thought often women instinctually act to maximize their safety, and confronting this ass may not have felt safe. The problem is, not confronting them implicitly gives them permission to keep acting this way. Hoping she finds a way to say, “This is not ok” if it happens again.
(It will definitely happen again.)
@IcooIey I’m sorry, that sucks. It was good that you could talk it through and maybe she can have some tools to help if (when) it happens in the future.
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@Da_Gut Is there anyone who actually likes group projects?? It always seems it’s much more about learning to navigate the group dynamics than learning the material.
@IcooIey i’m sure someone out there does. But I’ve never met them.
But yeah, I agree with your assessment. The group dynamics are often more important than the actual project. -
Youngest child had to work with an assigned partner for an in class assignment. She’d done the reading, he hadn’t. They were both supposed to write down two things they’d learned. She wrote down one, then passed paper to him. He had it for a long time wrote down nothing, she took it back, wrote second thing before time was up, then he took paper, instead of writing his two facts, wanted to edit and change hers. Never added anything new. Then when had to present to class, he presented her work!
@IcooIey Wow! That guy is ready for the corporate world!
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@IcooIey i’m sure someone out there does. But I’ve never met them.
But yeah, I agree with your assessment. The group dynamics are often more important than the actual project. -
@IcooIey I’m sorry, that sucks. It was good that you could talk it through and maybe she can have some tools to help if (when) it happens in the future.
@helenclayton @IcooIey this is where men have an opportunity to be allies if there are more than 2 in the group .
Practice stuff like "Those were her name's ideas" or "She was speaking."
And make sure you give credit!
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@Sarah111well this is a small intro history class and she’s the only girl. Also the only one who when they introduced themselves the first day said they were excited to take the course. The rest said they were there because they had to be.
@IcooIey @Sarah111well Wait, what level is this? High school? College? There is so much wrong here—who is in a course because they "had to be?" Is there a way for her to side-chat the instructor and tell them the whole experience was not okay?
My son loved group projects— but only when the group self-selected.
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She didn’t want to make a big deal about it, wasn’t sure in the moment how to deal with it. They got all the points for the assignment so she let it go. I said I thought often women instinctually act to maximize their safety, and confronting this ass may not have felt safe. The problem is, not confronting them implicitly gives them permission to keep acting this way. Hoping she finds a way to say, “This is not ok” if it happens again.
(It will definitely happen again.)
@IcooIey
ugh that's so much not ok. also, sadly, so much not surprising. -
@Da_Gut Is there anyone who actually likes group projects?? It always seems it’s much more about learning to navigate the group dynamics than learning the material.
@IcooIey @Da_Gut yes. That usually is the point. And if I was in a position to hire someone I might ask them an interview question about a time they carried the group in a project. If it was this story I’d hire them on the spot and then tell them to never let that happen in my company and I will have their back.
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