Have you ever ghosted someone?

[fettlaus@social.tchncs.de]

@alice Just for clarification: "ghosting" is something you can only do to people who you were/are dating, right?

[alice@lgbtqia.space]

I ghosted someone I was dating once, when I was younger. I tried to explain why I broke up with them several times, then finally stopped responding because they were getting repeatedly aggressive.

I've been ghosted a couple times. One of those times scarred me really badly, and I still panic when folx I'm dating disappear without giving me a heads up first.

[alice@lgbtqia.space]

@thehole 🫂

[theorangetheme@en.osm.town]

@alice Yes, and sometimes it was mutual, although I don't think I'd call that ghosting. Just... neither of us ever followed up. Is it still ghosting if it just fizzles out?

[alice@lgbtqia.space]

@Fettlaus nope, you could do it to anyone (who'd reasonably believe that you would respond to them).

Partners, family, friends.

[alice@lgbtqia.space]

@theorangetheme I think ghosting typically involves cutting communication (as opposed to just drifting off).

Like, I don't think I ghosted all the people I knew in highschool—we just drifted apart.

[paul@oldfriends.live]

@alice I ghosted someone 38 years ago and now, in my 50s, I still think about how I handled that like a dick, with regret.

No goodbye, no explanation, nothing. After a couple years of dating, just walked away. It was easier back then to ghost due to phone and communication ability.

I literally thought about that too much the other day and was going to post about it.

[leberschnitzel@existiert.ch]

@alice I've ghosted people, every time after explaining specifically why I don't want to have contact with them, which they most of the time took as a challenge to give me more reason to not want to have contact with them.
And I got ghosted at least once because I did exactly the same and was an idiot.

[tarnport@mastodon.green]

@alice I just want to say that I don't think you ghosted them. You ramped down then got red flags & then drew a healthy boundary. Ghosting in my book leaves no apparent reason, no warning or explanation, just poof, disappeance and silence - which yes, is very scary and uncertain for the ghostee. But I don't think we can blanket condemn it. There are good reasons to ghost if your safety is threatened, even if some folks abuse it for their own comfort. We all live and learn.

[jwcph@helvede.net]

@alice 'twasn't texting, it was calling, because I'm super-old - and I still regret it; she was delightful 🥰 but I was in a dark place & couldn't face trying to explain this to a stranger who didn't ask for my bullshit.... I felt I would be hurting her either way & the least hurt would be to remove myself from her life quietly. I'm still sorry, Sonja

[paulatothepeople@climatejustice.social]

@alice No, but I'v been ghosted a lot.

When I get ghosted, can I call the ghost busters?

[norestforthewicked@metalhead.club]

@alice
It's hard to say, but i had to check all yes

[humanizemobility@troet.cafe]

@alice If someone acts aggressive (in a dating environment) and his date partner does not speak to him (intentional only male here) ever again because of that, that does not qualify as ghosting. He misbehaved and has no right to get educated. He can figure himself. Just my opinion...

[ljrk@todon.eu]

@alice I regularly forget answering people... even people I love dearly >.<

[max@poliverso.org]

@alice

Never ghosted anybody and never will.

[zappes@mastodon.online]

@alice Sadly, ghosting is my default mode of behaving. AuDHD often does that. And it really doesn't mean I don't like you, I just can't be expected to "keep in touch".

[longspeak@dice.camp]

@alice Making sure an old man doesn't misunderstand... I have cut off all contact with people and disappeared from their lives... but never without talking to them first. I *think* that wasn't ghosting, but if it was, then I have.

I'm also a bad friend and am easy to lose contact with, but there's not intent there. I'm just a self-absorbed asshole who forget to take other people into account.

[js_06@nrw.social]

@alice all of them done & experienced. nevermind..

[miss_rodent@girlcock.club]

@alice Yes, usually accidentally - especially on dating apps, a lot of folks just vanished in the flood of needy dudes I never replied to at all but filled my inbox - or because they managed to accumulate a large number of red flags in a short period of time (usually before, or during, a first date) and at least some of those red flags indicated that having the 'there will not be a (first/second) date' convo was gonna go badly.
And a few times for more direct safety reasons.

[rinavolpina@rubber.social]

@alice in my defence, they had just outed themselves as a GamerGater and transphobe