When you're trans, so many people tell you how hard it is for them.
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When you're trans, so many people tell you how hard it is for them. How hard it is to lose the person they thought you were. How hard it is to adapt to the person you are. How hard it is to use the right name. How hard it is to use the right pronouns. How hard...how hard....how hard...over and over again, excuse after excuse after excuse. Despite telling you how hard it is, almost none of those people will spend any amount of time thinking about how hard your life has been for you.
@eleanor@chaosfem.tw 100%. Like my mom likes talking to me over the phone because she can "pretend nothing has changed because I haven't changed my voice" and like obviously that hurts but I think it's sad too.
Like they are so desperate to cling to this ideal of me that never existed, to pretend that I am a person who doesn't exist and never really existed at all. How sad that they would rather believe in a corpse than love the person I've become. -
@emily_s @eleanor The thing I hate about that argument is that transition is the single hardest thing I've ever done in my life. They chose to stand back and just have feelings about it instead of recognizing that maybe I was going through some tough shit and try to be a support.
I was going through puberty again. I was growing into my womanhood. I needed a mom. She was too busy processing her own feelings and being upset that I wasn't giving her control. I had to stop talking to her because every conversation hurt.
When am I going to need them more than that?
Yeah, I get that some people are still financially dependent on their parents or close enough to poverty that they might be at any moment. Sometimes those ties are worth keeping up just in case. But that's not the dynamic I have. And if we did have financial problems where we needed help, I wouldn't be going to that set of parents anyway.
@faithisleaping @eleanor I honesy don't know how to reply to this except to say I wish you didn't have to go through that. And offer a virtual hug if you want it.
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When you're trans, so many people tell you how hard it is for them. How hard it is to lose the person they thought you were. How hard it is to adapt to the person you are. How hard it is to use the right name. How hard it is to use the right pronouns. How hard...how hard....how hard...over and over again, excuse after excuse after excuse. Despite telling you how hard it is, almost none of those people will spend any amount of time thinking about how hard your life has been for you.
@eleanor@chaosfem.tw thankfully only one person did this in my case (and fairly quickly stopped), but then again I'm not out to most relatives
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When you're trans, so many people tell you how hard it is for them. How hard it is to lose the person they thought you were. How hard it is to adapt to the person you are. How hard it is to use the right name. How hard it is to use the right pronouns. How hard...how hard....how hard...over and over again, excuse after excuse after excuse. Despite telling you how hard it is, almost none of those people will spend any amount of time thinking about how hard your life has been for you.
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When you're trans, so many people tell you how hard it is for them. How hard it is to lose the person they thought you were. How hard it is to adapt to the person you are. How hard it is to use the right name. How hard it is to use the right pronouns. How hard...how hard....how hard...over and over again, excuse after excuse after excuse. Despite telling you how hard it is, almost none of those people will spend any amount of time thinking about how hard your life has been for you.
@eleanor
"It's hard to have to remember who you're out to to use the appropriate name and gender depending on who we're talking with."
And what do you think I am doing?
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@eleanor@chaosfem.tw 100%. Like my mom likes talking to me over the phone because she can "pretend nothing has changed because I haven't changed my voice" and like obviously that hurts but I think it's sad too.
Like they are so desperate to cling to this ideal of me that never existed, to pretend that I am a person who doesn't exist and never really existed at all. How sad that they would rather believe in a corpse than love the person I've become.@celestiallavendar I scaled back talking to my parents on the phone partially for this reason. Hugs offered.
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@faithisleaping @eleanor I honesy don't know how to reply to this except to say I wish you didn't have to go through that. And offer a virtual hug if you want it.
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@eleanor@chaosfem.tw 100%. Like my mom likes talking to me over the phone because she can "pretend nothing has changed because I haven't changed my voice" and like obviously that hurts but I think it's sad too.
Like they are so desperate to cling to this ideal of me that never existed, to pretend that I am a person who doesn't exist and never really existed at all. How sad that they would rather believe in a corpse than love the person I've become.That hits hard. It's kind of how we felt. Our mother didn't want to know us or love us, she just wanted the person we pretended to be because we were afraid of her.
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When you're trans, so many people tell you how hard it is for them. How hard it is to lose the person they thought you were. How hard it is to adapt to the person you are. How hard it is to use the right name. How hard it is to use the right pronouns. How hard...how hard....how hard...over and over again, excuse after excuse after excuse. Despite telling you how hard it is, almost none of those people will spend any amount of time thinking about how hard your life has been for you.
@eleanor "oh oh oh it's so hard seeing you come into your own as a woman"
Boo fucking hoo fuck you.
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@eleanor "oh oh oh it's so hard seeing you come into your own as a woman"
Boo fucking hoo fuck you.
@eleanor I spent my whole life feeling depressed, disgusted, and abjectly horrified that I would be trapped as a man for the whole of it.
And now I don't feel that way, because I can transition. I can actually see my body become the shape I want it to be, I can actually see myself as a happy and well adjusted person for once. For the first time in my life, I can actually look forward to my future
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That hits hard. It's kind of how we felt. Our mother didn't want to know us or love us, she just wanted the person we pretended to be because we were afraid of her.
@moriel @celestiallavendar hugs to you both.
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@eleanor I spent my whole life feeling depressed, disgusted, and abjectly horrified that I would be trapped as a man for the whole of it.
And now I don't feel that way, because I can transition. I can actually see my body become the shape I want it to be, I can actually see myself as a happy and well adjusted person for once. For the first time in my life, I can actually look forward to my future
@burnoutqueen Even now it's still baffling to me how people can't understand that feeling. Hugs.
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@burnoutqueen Even now it's still baffling to me how people can't understand that feeling. Hugs.
@eleanor im literally the same person I always was. I am still the rabblerousing left winger science person I always was.
I'm just less angry all the time, more in tune with my emotional state, and way more sociable. Still working on the anxiety and depression part, that is why I have
therapy -
@eleanor im literally the same person I always was. I am still the rabblerousing left winger science person I always was.
I'm just less angry all the time, more in tune with my emotional state, and way more sociable. Still working on the anxiety and depression part, that is why I have
therapy @burnoutqueen Same.
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When you're trans, so many people tell you how hard it is for them. How hard it is to lose the person they thought you were. How hard it is to adapt to the person you are. How hard it is to use the right name. How hard it is to use the right pronouns. How hard...how hard....how hard...over and over again, excuse after excuse after excuse. Despite telling you how hard it is, almost none of those people will spend any amount of time thinking about how hard your life has been for you.
Real. Just because I "wanted" to transition doesn't make it easy. And most of the "hard" crap they talk about is the crap that kept me from transitioning in the first place. Because it seems too fucking hard.
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That hits hard. It's kind of how we felt. Our mother didn't want to know us or love us, she just wanted the person we pretended to be because we were afraid of her.
@moriel@chaosfem.tw @eleanor@chaosfem.tw That's so tough, I'm sorry that you have to deal with that 🫂
I think in my case it's hard because my parents are accepting enough, but they are still struggling with the basics literally years later. Like I'm glad to have a relationship with them, but it sucks that they're probably going to be fucking up my pronouns at my wedding at this rate. -
@celestiallavendar I scaled back talking to my parents on the phone partially for this reason. Hugs offered.
@eleanor@chaosfem.tw Yeah and it sucks because I like talking to them, but hearing that honestly made me feel really bad about it when it's like the one connection I have left to them. And thanks 🫂
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When you're trans, so many people tell you how hard it is for them. How hard it is to lose the person they thought you were. How hard it is to adapt to the person you are. How hard it is to use the right name. How hard it is to use the right pronouns. How hard...how hard....how hard...over and over again, excuse after excuse after excuse. Despite telling you how hard it is, almost none of those people will spend any amount of time thinking about how hard your life has been for you.
@eleanor
️⚧️ being ignored shouldn’t be the norm. How are you? -
When you're trans, so many people tell you how hard it is for them. How hard it is to lose the person they thought you were. How hard it is to adapt to the person you are. How hard it is to use the right name. How hard it is to use the right pronouns. How hard...how hard....how hard...over and over again, excuse after excuse after excuse. Despite telling you how hard it is, almost none of those people will spend any amount of time thinking about how hard your life has been for you.
@eleanor buncha weirdos. You're becoming happier and more yourself. They should be happy for you! And yes, changing names and pronouns takes effort. But we're all putting in effort for the people we love. And even for strangers. So, pfft.
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@moriel@chaosfem.tw @eleanor@chaosfem.tw That's so tough, I'm sorry that you have to deal with that 🫂
I think in my case it's hard because my parents are accepting enough, but they are still struggling with the basics literally years later. Like I'm glad to have a relationship with them, but it sucks that they're probably going to be fucking up my pronouns at my wedding at this rate.Oh my mother came around after many years. She even went to be with me at the hospital when i had my surgery. But she never did apologize or even acknowledge the harm and emotional abuse she heaped on me for 15 years before i got out from her control
i do hope you parents can at lest be nice at the wedding.
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