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  3. My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi

My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi

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  • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

    My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
    It's a feature that I would regret.
    I just need a way to wash my pants.
    Not show them to the Internet.

    My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
    I'd value that least of all.
    It's already shielded from getting too hot.
    It doesn't need another firewall.

    My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
    That is just not useful for me.
    I want a place to chill my food.
    Not chat via TCP/IP.

    dynhafren@mastodon.worldD This user is from outside of this forum
    dynhafren@mastodon.worldD This user is from outside of this forum
    dynhafren@mastodon.world
    wrote last edited by
    #18

    @neil

    👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

    1 Reply Last reply
    0
    • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

      @saltywizard

      Your dishwasher doesn't need Wi-Fi.
      It's there to clean off food and grease.
      It'll probably mess up, say "Server not found",
      And drop its DHCP lease.

      saltywizard@beige.partyS This user is from outside of this forum
      saltywizard@beige.partyS This user is from outside of this forum
      saltywizard@beige.party
      wrote last edited by
      #19

      @neil

      brilliant!

      1 Reply Last reply
      0
      • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

        My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
        It's a feature that I would regret.
        I just need a way to wash my pants.
        Not show them to the Internet.

        My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
        I'd value that least of all.
        It's already shielded from getting too hot.
        It doesn't need another firewall.

        My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
        That is just not useful for me.
        I want a place to chill my food.
        Not chat via TCP/IP.

        guillotine_jones@beige.partyG This user is from outside of this forum
        guillotine_jones@beige.partyG This user is from outside of this forum
        guillotine_jones@beige.party
        wrote last edited by
        #20

        @neil
        I hereby nominate this effort of yours, Neil, for the Nobel Prize in Literature.
        We usually think of this prize as being for prose authors, but numerous poets have won it in the past, and I, for one, think you deserve to be among their number.

        neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN 1 Reply Last reply
        0
        • guillotine_jones@beige.partyG guillotine_jones@beige.party

          @neil
          I hereby nominate this effort of yours, Neil, for the Nobel Prize in Literature.
          We usually think of this prize as being for prose authors, but numerous poets have won it in the past, and I, for one, think you deserve to be among their number.

          neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN This user is from outside of this forum
          neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN This user is from outside of this forum
          neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk
          wrote last edited by
          #21

          @Guillotine_Jones

          Aw, thank you!

          1 Reply Last reply
          0
          • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

            My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
            It's a feature that I would regret.
            I just need a way to wash my pants.
            Not show them to the Internet.

            My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
            I'd value that least of all.
            It's already shielded from getting too hot.
            It doesn't need another firewall.

            My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
            That is just not useful for me.
            I want a place to chill my food.
            Not chat via TCP/IP.

            garybrazzell@mastodon.socialG This user is from outside of this forum
            garybrazzell@mastodon.socialG This user is from outside of this forum
            garybrazzell@mastodon.social
            wrote last edited by
            #22

            @neil My bathroom weight scale promised all these fancy features, but when the product arrived, none of the features worked with the scales own display or processing. I had to download the app. The app refused to work unless I gave it access to my camera and my contacts! Is the app going to take a picture of me on the bathroom and contact my friends about it? I deleted the app, and to this day, the scales show up as a device waiting for a connection to anyone in my house.

            gumnos@mastodon.bsd.cafeG 1 Reply Last reply
            0
            • garybrazzell@mastodon.socialG garybrazzell@mastodon.social

              @neil My bathroom weight scale promised all these fancy features, but when the product arrived, none of the features worked with the scales own display or processing. I had to download the app. The app refused to work unless I gave it access to my camera and my contacts! Is the app going to take a picture of me on the bathroom and contact my friends about it? I deleted the app, and to this day, the scales show up as a device waiting for a connection to anyone in my house.

              gumnos@mastodon.bsd.cafeG This user is from outside of this forum
              gumnos@mastodon.bsd.cafeG This user is from outside of this forum
              gumnos@mastodon.bsd.cafe
              wrote last edited by
              #23

              @garybrazzell @neil I can't help but remember the post I saw recently where a woman discovered that her husband was cheating on her because her scale-app reported someone not-husband-weight using the scale while she wasn't home.

              1 Reply Last reply
              0
              • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

                My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
                It's a feature that I would regret.
                I just need a way to wash my pants.
                Not show them to the Internet.

                My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
                I'd value that least of all.
                It's already shielded from getting too hot.
                It doesn't need another firewall.

                My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
                That is just not useful for me.
                I want a place to chill my food.
                Not chat via TCP/IP.

                sborrill@justfollow.me.ukS This user is from outside of this forum
                sborrill@justfollow.me.ukS This user is from outside of this forum
                sborrill@justfollow.me.uk
                wrote last edited by
                #24

                @neil I did an OTA firmware on my car yesterday which took three hours during which time it was not usable and even the alarm was disabled. It also woke me up this morning by messaging me to tell me it was fully charged. Another feature is that it provides its own WiFi hotspot for up to 8 devices to use. OTOH it seems to be incapable of playing a list of MP3s in random order unlike the old car.

                1 Reply Last reply
                0
                • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

                  My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
                  It's a feature that I would regret.
                  I just need a way to wash my pants.
                  Not show them to the Internet.

                  My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
                  I'd value that least of all.
                  It's already shielded from getting too hot.
                  It doesn't need another firewall.

                  My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
                  That is just not useful for me.
                  I want a place to chill my food.
                  Not chat via TCP/IP.

                  ? Offline
                  ? Offline
                  Guest
                  wrote last edited by
                  #25

                  @neil We just got a new Whirlpool washer and dryer. No WiFi or Bluetooth. They replaced the Maytags that we bought 30 years ago that I've been nursing along for the past 10+ years with lots of repairs.

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  0
                  • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

                    My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
                    It's a feature that I would regret.
                    I just need a way to wash my pants.
                    Not show them to the Internet.

                    My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
                    I'd value that least of all.
                    It's already shielded from getting too hot.
                    It doesn't need another firewall.

                    My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
                    That is just not useful for me.
                    I want a place to chill my food.
                    Not chat via TCP/IP.

                    tarix29@tech.lgbtT This user is from outside of this forum
                    tarix29@tech.lgbtT This user is from outside of this forum
                    tarix29@tech.lgbt
                    wrote last edited by
                    #26

                    @neil I live in an apartment building where the washing machine (1 for the whole building) has WiFi/Bluetooth. You have to pay to use it and if you don't use their proprietary app and pay with credit card (it does not accept coins or swipe/chip cards, only contactless) it charges you 50 cents more

                    neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN joonq@mastodon.socialJ 2 Replies Last reply
                    0
                    • tarix29@tech.lgbtT tarix29@tech.lgbt

                      @neil I live in an apartment building where the washing machine (1 for the whole building) has WiFi/Bluetooth. You have to pay to use it and if you don't use their proprietary app and pay with credit card (it does not accept coins or swipe/chip cards, only contactless) it charges you 50 cents more

                      neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN This user is from outside of this forum
                      neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN This user is from outside of this forum
                      neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk
                      wrote last edited by
                      #27

                      @tarix29 Oof 😞

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      0
                      • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

                        My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
                        It's a feature that I would regret.
                        I just need a way to wash my pants.
                        Not show them to the Internet.

                        My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
                        I'd value that least of all.
                        It's already shielded from getting too hot.
                        It doesn't need another firewall.

                        My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
                        That is just not useful for me.
                        I want a place to chill my food.
                        Not chat via TCP/IP.

                        P This user is from outside of this forum
                        P This user is from outside of this forum
                        proscience@toot.community
                        wrote last edited by
                        #28

                        @neil 🎯

                        tbc

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        0
                        • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

                          My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
                          It's a feature that I would regret.
                          I just need a way to wash my pants.
                          Not show them to the Internet.

                          My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
                          I'd value that least of all.
                          It's already shielded from getting too hot.
                          It doesn't need another firewall.

                          My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
                          That is just not useful for me.
                          I want a place to chill my food.
                          Not chat via TCP/IP.

                          iwillyeah@mastodon.ieI This user is from outside of this forum
                          iwillyeah@mastodon.ieI This user is from outside of this forum
                          iwillyeah@mastodon.ie
                          wrote last edited by
                          #29

                          @neil immediately singing to the tune of Winona's Big Brown Beaver.

                          - YouTube

                          Auf YouTube findest du die angesagtesten Videos und Tracks. Außerdem kannst du eigene Inhalte hochladen und mit Freunden oder gleich der ganzen Welt teilen.

                          favicon

                          (www.youtube.com)

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          0
                          • gumnos@mastodon.bsd.cafeG gumnos@mastodon.bsd.cafe

                            My microwave is clearly best.
                            It's never sent a SYN request.

                            It might cook food unevenly
                            but doesn't need DHCP.

                            No updates needed, no network jack,
                            for nation-states to come and hack.

                            If power blinks, the clock will flash,
                            but remote attacks can't make it crash.

                            When your app's site decides to close
                            I'll still enjoy my burritos.

                            @neil

                            mirabilos@toot.mirbsd.orgM This user is from outside of this forum
                            mirabilos@toot.mirbsd.orgM This user is from outside of this forum
                            mirabilos@toot.mirbsd.org
                            wrote last edited by
                            #30

                            @neil @gumnos got a new inverter microwave (soooooo good!) that doesn’t even need the rotating plate any more, and even at the same 100% as the older one is more energy-efficient (mug of milk takes less seconds to get warm enough), and it’s offline and "dumb".

                            No need to accept unevenly warmed food.

                            It’s also a Goddess-sent for cat food, not just things like leftover noodles.

                            (Caso MI-30, if interested.)

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            0
                            • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

                              My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
                              It's a feature that I would regret.
                              I just need a way to wash my pants.
                              Not show them to the Internet.

                              My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
                              I'd value that least of all.
                              It's already shielded from getting too hot.
                              It doesn't need another firewall.

                              My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
                              That is just not useful for me.
                              I want a place to chill my food.
                              Not chat via TCP/IP.

                              joonq@mastodon.socialJ This user is from outside of this forum
                              joonq@mastodon.socialJ This user is from outside of this forum
                              joonq@mastodon.social
                              wrote last edited by
                              #31

                              @neil But how else are they going to show you ads if they dont have internet? Some ceo somewhere probably 😂

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              0
                              • tarix29@tech.lgbtT tarix29@tech.lgbt

                                @neil I live in an apartment building where the washing machine (1 for the whole building) has WiFi/Bluetooth. You have to pay to use it and if you don't use their proprietary app and pay with credit card (it does not accept coins or swipe/chip cards, only contactless) it charges you 50 cents more

                                joonq@mastodon.socialJ This user is from outside of this forum
                                joonq@mastodon.socialJ This user is from outside of this forum
                                joonq@mastodon.social
                                wrote last edited by
                                #32

                                @tarix29 @neil Someone should jailbrake that thing 😔

                                tarix29@tech.lgbtT 1 Reply Last reply
                                0
                                • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

                                  My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
                                  It's a feature that I would regret.
                                  I just need a way to wash my pants.
                                  Not show them to the Internet.

                                  My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
                                  I'd value that least of all.
                                  It's already shielded from getting too hot.
                                  It doesn't need another firewall.

                                  My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
                                  That is just not useful for me.
                                  I want a place to chill my food.
                                  Not chat via TCP/IP.

                                  lexinova@cyberplace.socialL This user is from outside of this forum
                                  lexinova@cyberplace.socialL This user is from outside of this forum
                                  lexinova@cyberplace.social
                                  wrote last edited by
                                  #33

                                  @neil in belgium we have a vendor that built his own hardware (washing machine etc), without any wifi etc.

                                  and they sell quite well it seem.

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  0
                                  • acsawdey@fosstodon.orgA acsawdey@fosstodon.org

                                    @neil I wouldn’t mind all these things having WiFi if it was along the lines of OBD-2 in a car. Just query the internal state of the device. But no, it’s used as a conduit for enshittification.

                                    lexinova@cyberplace.socialL This user is from outside of this forum
                                    lexinova@cyberplace.socialL This user is from outside of this forum
                                    lexinova@cyberplace.social
                                    wrote last edited by
                                    #34

                                    @acsawdey @neil you don't have a subscription, so you clothe remain wet kind of crap soon i guess ?

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    0
                                    • lexinova@cyberplace.socialL This user is from outside of this forum
                                      lexinova@cyberplace.socialL This user is from outside of this forum
                                      lexinova@cyberplace.social
                                      wrote last edited by
                                      #35

                                      @acsawdey @neil i will make toilet paper with DRM, only work if you put my brand of toilet paper that must be the same as the toilet itself.

                                      And if you have a bidet, it will not work if you don't have toilet paper anymore (like the scan with the imprimante ink).

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      0
                                      • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

                                        My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
                                        It's a feature that I would regret.
                                        I just need a way to wash my pants.
                                        Not show them to the Internet.

                                        My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
                                        I'd value that least of all.
                                        It's already shielded from getting too hot.
                                        It doesn't need another firewall.

                                        My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
                                        That is just not useful for me.
                                        I want a place to chill my food.
                                        Not chat via TCP/IP.

                                        limey_tank@mastodon.ieL This user is from outside of this forum
                                        limey_tank@mastodon.ieL This user is from outside of this forum
                                        limey_tank@mastodon.ie
                                        wrote last edited by
                                        #36

                                        @neil @Lazarou To think that I was once so naive that I wanted to network everything in the house.

                                        lazarou@mastodon.socialL 1 Reply Last reply
                                        0
                                        • neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.ukN neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk

                                          My washing machine doesn’t need Wi-Fi.
                                          It's a feature that I would regret.
                                          I just need a way to wash my pants.
                                          Not show them to the Internet.

                                          My oven doesn't need Wi-Fi.
                                          I'd value that least of all.
                                          It's already shielded from getting too hot.
                                          It doesn't need another firewall.

                                          My fridge does not need Wi-Fi.
                                          That is just not useful for me.
                                          I want a place to chill my food.
                                          Not chat via TCP/IP.

                                          H This user is from outside of this forum
                                          H This user is from outside of this forum
                                          hyacin@social.linux.pizza
                                          wrote last edited by
                                          #37

                                          @neil They don't _need_ those things, no - and the fridge I still wonder about - but I just upgraded to an LG induction unit and I've got to admit, the preheated notifications are actually really useful as we're not always within earshot, and it gets you over there and putting stuff in the oven quicker so it's not sitting there wasting electricity. The washer and dryer notifications aren't bad either so we don't have to keep going down and checking, especially if we're say, waiting for a blanket so we can go to bed or something.

                                          1 Reply Last reply
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