It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
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@alice Wasps are jerks. Total sociopaths.
Except for Tarantula Hawks, which allegedly have the most painful sting of any wasp, however ironically. The reason why they occasionally act not-sober is because they occasionally consume was-sugar-then-fermented things. They will literally hit you on the way by because they didn't see you, and become stunned momentarily, and then snap out of it and just continue on their way while ignoring you. Remember that that thing could ruin your day if it really wanted to. If you manage to catch it and trap it against your skin, it might. Otherwise, they simply do not care. More people need to be more like Tarantula Hawks.
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@alice What about crows and ravens? Are they assholes on purpose or just annoying to humans?
@roknrol as someone who has a lot of crow acquaintances, some are serious dicks.
There's one my girlfriend and I dubbed "Notch" on account of him missing a couple feathers on either side. He knows we feed all the crows on our walk, but if we're not fast enough for him he'll swoop by and tag my head with the tip of his wing—sometimes two or three times like "where're the goods, kibble fairy?"
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@alice Male sea otters, if they can't find any female otters to rape, will rape baby harbour seals to death.
Yes, otters are quite smart, but this is human, or at least dolphin, level of assholery.@rupert oh no! I didn't know that, and now otters are less cute
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@alice Horses are smart but can be dickheads.
@IanAMartin having been bit, bucked, and stepped on several times when I lived on the farm, I can second this.
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It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
@alice yeah some shrimp can be jerks
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@alice Tarantula hawk wasps paralyse spiders, lay eggs inside them and the larvae eat their way out of the still-living spider.
Very low intelligence, extreme assholery.@rupert very dickish, but do they do it because that's just what they do, or because "fuck that spider in particular"?
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@alice Geese would probably land high on the asshole list.
@bielsubob I slapped a goose once for biting my knee while I was just sitting on a park bench eating crackers.
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@grumble209 TBF, probably their least favorite time of year too
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It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
@alice From the videos I've seen on youtube, mantis shrimp.
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@roknrol as someone who has a lot of crow acquaintances, some are serious dicks.
There's one my girlfriend and I dubbed "Notch" on account of him missing a couple feathers on either side. He knows we feed all the crows on our walk, but if we're not fast enough for him he'll swoop by and tag my head with the tip of his wing—sometimes two or three times like "where're the goods, kibble fairy?"
@alice He's not shitting on you?
I mean, with limited ways to communicate with those big stupid humans that seems downright polite.
Forget to feed your cat or your kid for an hour and see if you just get a love tap
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It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
@alice Presented for your consideration: hummingbirds.
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@MRutenberg @mattblaze @alice
Bees are chill. You leave them alone, they'll leave you alone. Wasps will sting you just because you failed to cross the street when you walked by them. Total jerks.@bruce Occasionally a bee queen will be an asshole. Occasionally. I've heard of beekeepers who have had to replace queens, and then the hive stops being super-aggressive.
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@alice He's not shitting on you?
I mean, with limited ways to communicate with those big stupid humans that seems downright polite.
Forget to feed your cat or your kid for an hour and see if you just get a love tap
@roknrol he does it while I'm actively feeding them—just not fast enough for his taste.
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It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
@alice@lgbtqia.space Depending on how you look at it, Spotted Lanternflies and Marmorated Stinkbugs are both major assholes but have zero chance of solving any crosswords (or even a word search)
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One summer while I was wearing shorts, I had a big hornet fly over, bite into the side of my thigh and then proceed to sting me like half a dozen times for no apparent reason.
I feel like hornets, wasps, and yellow jackets are all pretty much raging assholes.
@alice I was going to say it's proportional to language skills, because the better a species gets at communicating, the more they can piss each other off.
But yellow jackets and hornets might be an exception, they don't dance like bees so they? Or however the hive coordinates things counts?
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It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
@alice anti-point: octopi are smart and chill. no jerkish behaviour. just clever & devious.
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@roknrol has anyone seen an octopus troll another animal?
Never mind, https://futurism.com/the-byte/spiteful-octopuses-punch-fish-angry
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@pewnack @alice YMMV. This has worked for me:
1. Get up immediately!
2. Turn on a lamp close to a wall.
3. LEAVE THE ROOM, closing the door on your way out.
4. WAIT. At least 15 minutes. More is better.
5. Grab a flyswatter.
6. Re-enter the room, closing the door behind you. (So mosquito remains contained.)
7. Approach the lamp.
8. SWAT the mosquito, which should be basking in warmth from the lamp on a) wall, or b) lampshade.If you miss, or don’t see mosquito, repeat steps 3–8. Good luck!
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@alice@lgbtqia.space Depending on how you look at it, Spotted Lanternflies and Marmorated Stinkbugs are both major assholes but have zero chance of solving any crosswords (or even a word search)
@rosaaeterna what makes those two jerks?
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@pewnack @alice FWIW, True story: Using this method, waaay back in high school, I chose to catch two mosquitos (I’d thought there was only ONE in my bedroom!) using an empty jar w/ lid. Next day, I took them into my science class. The teacher asked, “What do you call them?” I answered “Son-of-a-Bitch and Bastard!” which cracked everybody up. Once order was restored, the teacher said, “The correct answer is… Female. Male mosquitoes don’t bite.”
