I'm not a car person, so I never really paid attention to car makes or models before.

[dragonfrog@mastodon.sdf.org]

@alice i think part of the issue is the weird privacy settings - i can reply to a public post with a DM or "followers only" post that's visible to *my* followers not those of the person I'm replying to. Presumably if I'm a serial harasser, I'm not going to have a lot of normal decent people among my followers.

And from my victim's POV they made a public post and got threats or abuse in reply and nobody is standing up for them.

[dragonfrog@mastodon.sdf.org]

@alice in that moment the victim is going to be understandably shocked and triggered, not paying close attention to subtle UI elements telling them that everyone else in the thread probably can't see the abuse they're facing.

I don't have a solution to the problem, but I see it as a problem with the mechanics of the protocol. Changing the protocol wouldn't make abuse go away of course but it might help a bit.

[martyb4@mastodon.social]

@alice I only hope I last as long as my 1993 Ford Escort did - 545,000 kms! Like me, it's moving parts began to freeze up over time so that only the driver door would open. But it kept moving and stayed active!

[catdragon@mastodon.world]

@alice how can people not see? What kind of glorified safe space bubble do they drift through life in?
I was literally composing a post about how the bad was getting worse when I read this.
I should probably just go to bed now.

[disorderlyf@todon.eu]

@alice While I truly don't see it on this site, I'm fully aware there's easily thousands, tends of thousands even, of accounts and instances the admins of the instance I use have successfully whacked the banhammer at are largely why that's the case. I also deliberately don't hang out in large spaces on the internet because even the best intentioned and most respected mods in sufficiently large spaces will have people slip through the cracks.

I'm not saying anyone is at fault for not doing either of those things. I wish I didn't feel the need to do it for my own mental health. I wish I could feel comfortable that I could exist in larger spaces than I do with less aggressive moderation without suddenly facing an onslaught of precisely the abuse you described and more I suspect you didn't but also go through as someone with a significantly larger presence than my own.

[edited to fix a typo]

[alice@lgbtqia.space]

@CatDragon they don't see because they're not familiar with the dog whistles that aren't whistling at them.

[momo@social.linux.pizza]

@alice
Okay, when I started reading this, I wanted to reply with the ADHD-joke about Ford Focus...

But then your toot took a dark turn and I don't feel it's appropriate anymore. And yes, I can relate, you start spotting patterns when they start to affect you.

[oblomov@sociale.network]

@alice that's an interesting line from the Baader–Meinhof phenomenon to our perception of these things.

[oblomov@sociale.network]

@disorderlyf @alice oh yeah the structure of the Fediverse compounds systemic blindness significantly. Even for trivial things we have very different views of what happens here. Even more so than on the commercial silos.

[inherentlee@flipping.rocks]

@Npars01 @bruce @bjb@fosstodon.org @alice and on an ableism front, people rarely notice the way they use "blindness" to mean ignorance

[tknarr@mstdn.social]

@alice It's a matter of viewpoint. As a white person, I don't attract racism against blacks. I only see it when I happen to cross paths with a black person at just the right time to see it directed at them. That black person, though, sees it EVERY TIME it's directed at them. We're both seeing the same world, but from two radically different viewpoints due to our different skin colors. Too many people don't take that into account.

[tealeg@mastodon.online]

@alice yup. I’m an immigrant in Germany, but an affluent, white, CIS, male and a native English speaker. I’ve never been subject to xenophobia. Hell, I’ve even been actively courted by AfD canvassers.

It would be easy for me to believe this evil doesn’t exist in Germany, but I speak to colleagues who hail from Africa or Asia. Their life looks quite different to mine. The same for women, trans folks, people with facial tattoos, …

Privilege is often invisible when you have it.

[manic_walrus@mastodon.social]

@alice
Yeah, my kids are POC. When I tell some of my fellow humans about the racial struggles my minions have had in a predominantly white neighbourhood.

They honestly thought, they were better than it. Highlighting it in their own backyard has created some enemies and some who wanted significant change.

Keep at it. Keep pushing, keep killing it.

[jens@social.finkhaeuser.de]

@alice I can confidently claim that I've been that person. No, confidently does not mean proudly.

I have episodes etched in my brain of accidentally being shitty and realizing later from thirty+ years ago. I managed to apologize sometimes with a delay of a decade or more.

The realization that you've been an arsehole hurts. What hurts even more is seeing a pattern and realizing that *even if you try*, you will likely fail again.

But I can promise everyone this: it gets easier.

In fact...

[accordingtowouter@mastodon.world]

@alice Sometimes I feel, Alice, that just about the whole of humanity is corrupt. Racism, homophobia, misogyny, discrimination on any grounds whatsoever. It happens on a massive scale and everywhere. Non-stop.

Regardless of whether we see it or not and have to stand up for those who are affected by it, I struggle with the intrinsic corruption of so many of my fellow human beings.

[jens@social.finkhaeuser.de]

@alice ... it ends up being easier than constantly fighting off the notion that shitty things you don't see still exist.

I recall with intense clarity the shock (I grew up well protected and love my parents for this) when I was confronted with the facts about the abuse my friends endured. It took me months to process.

Then realizing how I contributed to making things worse for them, even though they fully understood me to be kind and harmless, was the kind of thing your brain begs you to deny.

[jens@social.finkhaeuser.de]

There's an expression in German that translates as "an end in terror is better than terror without end", and it kind of applies here.

There is no end, really.

But fighting through this denial, however unpleasant it is, is way, way easier than having to keep pretending on a daily basis that the world other people experience is not real.

I genuinely think that if you read @alice 's post, and your brain does "maybe, but...", that you're better off stopping right there and facing this.
Selfishly.

[alexadeswift@lgbtqia.space]

@alice

There is something in the way our pattern recognition works that causes this (excepting many neurodivergent folx) in order to prevent us being overwhelmed.

As an autistic person I can attest to the distress that noticing "everything" can cause! So it would seem that this evolutionary trait is a double edged sword.