I know 8 trans people well and many more as acquaintances.
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@wmd
Not trying to cause trouble, genuinely curious:
What is wrong with wanting your kids to be better versions of yourself?
I mean, I agree forcing them to copy you is abusive. But that's only one way to do it.
You can also gently guide them, and if you don't succeed, c'est la vie.
@futurebird@light @futurebird problem can be seen in the oft abused? "I just want you to be happy". Who gets to decide what that means? Or maybe they have other priorities, like being or surviving. You can offer them (more) options, but at some point they can make choices you might not understand but still need to respect.
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@albertcardona @futurebird bigots are all "but biology!" and I'm like yeah, exactly, biology! If you get past what they teach five year olds, it shows us that humans are all the same basic model with a few tweaks in one direction or the other, and lots of overlapping variation.
@jetlagjen @albertcardona @futurebird
“Exactly, Biology!”I was raised by a microbiologist, so I could have some biases. There are a number of things I hear in those conjectures. If they claim logic or numbers —tell me the difference between a sample and a population. How would you use a ratio to evaluate the relative scale of any factor?
If they appeal to religion, you get that nature always brings diversity? Or are you claiming the gods did it wrong? -
@futurebird
In my experience, LGBTQ people and their allies want it to be illegal to express yourself in a way that offends them, including misgendering.
Maybe it's different on your side of the pond.With an online conversation it's hard to know if someone who disagrees with you is being sincere or not.
"LGBTQ people and their allies want it to be illegal to express yourself"
There are always limits to expression. If I decide I don't want to call you by your name, but I feel that "Sealion" is a better name for you, I could get in trouble at work or at school for doing that after you object... because it's rude.
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@futurebird
I have to admit, I don't currently work and I haven't been in school for ages. I'm still rebuilding my life. So I can't really comment on that last point. But I reckon it's probably different in those circumstances than in society as a whole. But still, https://qoto.org/@light/116217402058880799Yes, I sincerely believe in freedom of speech. Is there a problem with that? Does that make me a "sea lion"? What even is a "sea lion"? Someone who asks questions? What's wrong with asking questions? Curiosity and debate are good things.
Do you also have this attitude with your students?
@futurebird -
With an online conversation it's hard to know if someone who disagrees with you is being sincere or not.
"LGBTQ people and their allies want it to be illegal to express yourself"
There are always limits to expression. If I decide I don't want to call you by your name, but I feel that "Sealion" is a better name for you, I could get in trouble at work or at school for doing that after you object... because it's rude.
@futurebird
I have to admit, I don't currently work and I haven't been in school for ages. I'm still rebuilding my life. So I can't really comment on that last point. But I reckon it's probably different in those circumstances than in society as a whole. But still, https://qoto.org/@light/116217402058880799 -
@futurebird
I have to admit, I don't currently work and I haven't been in school for ages. I'm still rebuilding my life. So I can't really comment on that last point. But I reckon it's probably different in those circumstances than in society as a whole. But still, https://qoto.org/@light/116217402058880799@futurebird
Also, it's not rude to state a fact so long as you're not rubbing it in. -
Yes, I sincerely believe in freedom of speech. Is there a problem with that? Does that make me a "sea lion"? What even is a "sea lion"? Someone who asks questions? What's wrong with asking questions? Curiosity and debate are good things.
Do you also have this attitude with your students?
@futurebirdIf you have a job and you boss is named "Jane" but you decide you'd rather call her "Debbie" since you think she looks more like a Debbie than a "Jane" and you also decide you'd rather only speak to her by singing... well is it "against free speech" if she fires you for being annoying and not treating her with respect?
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@futurebird
Also, it's not rude to state a fact so long as you're not rubbing it in.This isn't about "free speech" at all. You should treat all people with basic human respect. If you don't wish to do that you may find that people don't want to be around you or work with you.
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I sometimes want to just explain to the bigots, this could all be very normal if you'd stop huffing bigoted media and get to know someone who was trans. It's just like ... a hormone imbalance that can be treated. It's like being mad at people for having red hair. If only you knew how boring this could be, how normal. How easy to forget that they are trans.
And I could just forget, if it weren't for the bigotry and the threats to their safety.
@futurebird but they don't want it to be normal, they want to be bullying somebody
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@futurebird
Also, it's not rude to state a fact so long as you're not rubbing it in. -
This isn't about "free speech" at all. You should treat all people with basic human respect. If you don't wish to do that you may find that people don't want to be around you or work with you.
@futurebird That's fine. But police action backed up by violence is something entirely different and you know it.
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@futurebird That's fine. But police action backed up by violence is something entirely different and you know it.
@light @futurebird yeah man the police are notorious for beating people down for being rude to trans people they're just great allies like that
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With an online conversation it's hard to know if someone who disagrees with you is being sincere or not.
"LGBTQ people and their allies want it to be illegal to express yourself"
There are always limits to expression. If I decide I don't want to call you by your name, but I feel that "Sealion" is a better name for you, I could get in trouble at work or at school for doing that after you object... because it's rude.
@futurebird it was
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It already exists in little pockets, it works better than the alternatives. It's spreading.
Maybe things are going to get worse before they get better but I believe in and want the future where being trans is boring.
The best reaction my wife and I had to telling someone I was transgender was a heartfelt "is that all?"
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Patriarchy lets predators run wild. At this point I think it's basically designed to do that. You hear right wingers making so much noise about protecting children, but let that child be "imperfect" in any way ?
So upset about the exploitation of the innocent, yet no one is innocent enough to be a victim worth listening to.
"she's a disturbed woman with a long criminal history"
Said the press secratary about one of the Epstein file accusers.
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I can understand the fears that people have for their children. "be yourself" is good advice but being yourself can be dangerous. And that's often not fair. You might tell your teen daughter "you're not leaving the house dressed like that" you know she could be hurt. It's "better parenting" to make it clear why you are making such demands, but there is this practical impulse to keep young people safe.
I've spoken to parents of trans kids filled with fear.
@futurebird I’ve definitely been there with parents that are wrestling with this fear too, more than any bigotry or biases (plenty of parents of trans kids that do have transphobia to work through too, but this is a thing I’ve seen too among some).
With the way you framed it…it somehow brought to mind the way Ta-Nehisi Coates describes why his family resorted to physical punishment: fear of what the outside world would do to him. I remember that hitting like a pile of bricks when I read “Between the World and Me,” the lesson his family was teaching him before the world taught him that his body didn’t belong to himself under a system of racism.
Makes me think about this parallel, how the current political powers are making it very clear that they do not think trans people’s, especially trans kids’, bodies belong to themselves. How it’s a lesson so many of us have to internalize and navigate to survive. And I can so easily see parents of trans kids wrestling with how to try to instill in them that their lives and bodies should belong to themselves but that there are violence shitheads who don’t.
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I know 8 trans people well and many more as acquaintances. The 8 people I know well range from being an old childhood friend, to coworkers, to students, to neighbors.
I'm mostly aware that they are trans at all due to the increase in anti-trans laws and blatant transphobia in the US. Were it not for that I might not know or even care. But I worry about them.
In each case the fact that they are trans is one of the less interesting things I know about them.
@futurebird Being gay is a far bigger part of my life than being trans. Because I walk around holding my partner's hand. Or giving her a hug. Or we smile at one another and pay for food together. It's easy for people to tell we're a pair of women who are together.
Trans? I'm in no way ashamed of it, and sometimes I have a trans pride something or another around. But most of the time? It's about as interesting of a part of me as where I went to college. Sure I still deal with the remaining body dysphoria, but so do cis people.
Just leave us alone and we'll be your slightly quirky neighbors who are a bit more empathetic to the plights of both genders than average.
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+3. But I would not give up being trans for all the tea in China.
@alexadeswift @mina @daswarkeinhuhn @PalmAndNeedle @futurebird
+4
Every time I see another "visibility day" I want to scream "let me be goddamn invisible for a change!"
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It already exists in little pockets, it works better than the alternatives. It's spreading.
Maybe things are going to get worse before they get better but I believe in and want the future where being trans is boring.
@futurebird I like to say if me being trans/non-binary isn't the least interesting thing about me, either I'm doing something wrong or society is doing something very wrong. It's only a big deal because people make it so.
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But, having seen decades of trans lives as an outsider I think it's better to still be yourself in the end. It's healthier. It's safer.
That it is less safe to be a trans kid than a cis kid isn't the fault of trans kids.
Like, we all knew that, right? But it's worth saying anyway I think.
Even if we enter a more repressive world I will still know the same number of trans people.
This is nothing new, and maybe we are painfully turning a corner.
@futurebird Yeah, wanting to try being another gender out is a risky thing for your personal and social safety. But I guarantee you that trans kids havent come to that decision on a whim. This isn't dating a sketchy significant other. Or even choosing a "bad" major in college. This is about a kid choosing Who They Are.
Countless kids movies are full of "be who you are" narratives. But somehow the cishets want to say "be who you are, but not That".
