I was thinking about autism.

[seconduniverse@autistics.life]

RE: https://aus.social/@oscarjiminy/116270804786199238

I was thinking about autism. I score low on the biased "theory of mind" tests - which seem to be all about reading faces and intuiting other people's inner thoughts.

Well, I have spent a life masking hard. I have tried really hard to make sure that people can't see my difference or how I'm feeling. That's the universe I know.

Also, I'm not too clear about how I am feeling. I have a few theories but I can never resolve them. When it comes to other people, I don't have a Theory of of Mind (singular) I have Theories of Minds. Other people's feeling are an infinity of possibilities.

It's exhausting and I often check out and just let people's worlds be their own. If they want me to know how they are feeling, they can tell me, right?

Those two things are related. Because I mask even when I am alone, I have a poor understanding of my own mental state. Because I mask, and have the experience of not being understood, and of being understood being a threat, so I don't assume I can understand people from their external behavior.

That's what those "empathy tests" are testing for - the unquestioned assumption other people are "like me".

#actuallyAutistic #autism #science #psychology