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  3. Okay, folks, please tell me if this ad copy would pique your interest/ attention:

Okay, folks, please tell me if this ad copy would pique your interest/ attention:

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writingwritingpromoselfpublishingwritingcommunitwriterscoffeecl
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  • lionesslady@mindly.socialL This user is from outside of this forum
    lionesslady@mindly.socialL This user is from outside of this forum
    lionesslady@mindly.social
    wrote last edited by
    #1

    Okay, folks, please tell me if this ad copy would pique your interest/ attention:

    In a rapidly changing world of ancient creatures and deadly secrets, where religious ideology is increasingly clashing with secular culture, Tank and Lia must face the chasm between what they believe and what they must do to survive. Packed with unlikely friendships and unexpected betrayals, this series takes Tank and Lia on a journey into transformative independence and increased personal and political power, in spite of their efforts to cling to the comfortable patterns that they've lived by for so long.

    #writing #WritingPromo #SelfPublishing #WritingCommunity #WritersCoffeeClub #WritetsOfMastodon

    mandrake@hachyderm.ioM lionesslady@mindly.socialL 2 Replies Last reply
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    • R relay@relay.mycrowd.ca shared this topic
    • lionesslady@mindly.socialL lionesslady@mindly.social

      Okay, folks, please tell me if this ad copy would pique your interest/ attention:

      In a rapidly changing world of ancient creatures and deadly secrets, where religious ideology is increasingly clashing with secular culture, Tank and Lia must face the chasm between what they believe and what they must do to survive. Packed with unlikely friendships and unexpected betrayals, this series takes Tank and Lia on a journey into transformative independence and increased personal and political power, in spite of their efforts to cling to the comfortable patterns that they've lived by for so long.

      #writing #WritingPromo #SelfPublishing #WritingCommunity #WritersCoffeeClub #WritetsOfMastodon

      mandrake@hachyderm.ioM This user is from outside of this forum
      mandrake@hachyderm.ioM This user is from outside of this forum
      mandrake@hachyderm.io
      wrote last edited by
      #2

      @Lionesslady
      No. It feels like a super complex world exhausting me even as I read, but giving me zero taste of the story or mood or reason to care for the protagonists. From this blurb I still have no sense of what this is about.

      In the blurb I would expect to get a sense of the central conflict of the story, at least one of the protagonist and maybe a bit of fluff. But only enough to make me want to read the first pages.

      lionesslady@mindly.socialL 1 Reply Last reply
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      • mandrake@hachyderm.ioM mandrake@hachyderm.io

        @Lionesslady
        No. It feels like a super complex world exhausting me even as I read, but giving me zero taste of the story or mood or reason to care for the protagonists. From this blurb I still have no sense of what this is about.

        In the blurb I would expect to get a sense of the central conflict of the story, at least one of the protagonist and maybe a bit of fluff. But only enough to make me want to read the first pages.

        lionesslady@mindly.socialL This user is from outside of this forum
        lionesslady@mindly.socialL This user is from outside of this forum
        lionesslady@mindly.social
        wrote last edited by
        #3

        @mandrake yeah, I had a feeling it was too abstract. Thank you.

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        • lionesslady@mindly.socialL lionesslady@mindly.social

          Okay, folks, please tell me if this ad copy would pique your interest/ attention:

          In a rapidly changing world of ancient creatures and deadly secrets, where religious ideology is increasingly clashing with secular culture, Tank and Lia must face the chasm between what they believe and what they must do to survive. Packed with unlikely friendships and unexpected betrayals, this series takes Tank and Lia on a journey into transformative independence and increased personal and political power, in spite of their efforts to cling to the comfortable patterns that they've lived by for so long.

          #writing #WritingPromo #SelfPublishing #WritingCommunity #WritersCoffeeClub #WritetsOfMastodon

          lionesslady@mindly.socialL This user is from outside of this forum
          lionesslady@mindly.socialL This user is from outside of this forum
          lionesslady@mindly.social
          wrote last edited by
          #4

          Okay so, by way of contrast, here's the existing ad copythat I was trying to improve. Is this already good? I was nervous about this version, thus the attempt at the more abstract in the op.

          A book almost twenty years in the making, Lies of Stone takes up some years after the Children of the Desert series ended, as the historical separation between the desert southlands and the lush northlands erodes. The Northern Church, thrown from power, is not taking their fall from the king’s favor well, the king himself is struggling to manage the chaos he’s inherited, and the desert Families are being forced to reinvent themselves in a world no longer ruled by the ha’reye and ha’ra’hain.

          Against that background, Lia of Stecatr and Tank of Bright Bay must confront the lies and truths of their past — and step into a future neither of them ever anticipated.

          ....

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