Have you ever ghosted someone?
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I ghosted someone I was dating once, when I was younger. I tried to explain why I broke up with them several times, then finally stopped responding because they were getting repeatedly aggressive.
I've been ghosted a couple times. One of those times scarred me really badly, and I still panic when folx I'm dating disappear without giving me a heads up first.
@alice If someone acts aggressive (in a dating environment) and his date partner does not speak to him (intentional only male here) ever again because of that, that does not qualify as ghosting. He misbehaved and has no right to get educated. He can figure himself. Just my opinion...
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Have you ever ghosted someone?
@alice I regularly forget answering people... even people I love dearly >.<
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Have you ever ghosted someone?
Never ghosted anybody and never will.
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Have you ever ghosted someone?
@alice Sadly, ghosting is my default mode of behaving. AuDHD often does that. And it really doesn't mean I don't like you, I just can't be expected to "keep in touch".
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Have you ever ghosted someone?
@alice Making sure an old man doesn't misunderstand... I have cut off all contact with people and disappeared from their lives... but never without talking to them first. I *think* that wasn't ghosting, but if it was, then I have.
I'm also a bad friend and am easy to lose contact with, but there's not intent there. I'm just a self-absorbed asshole who forget to take other people into account.
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Have you ever ghosted someone?
@alice all of them done & experienced. nevermind..
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Have you ever ghosted someone?
@alice Yes, usually accidentally - especially on dating apps, a lot of folks just vanished in the flood of needy dudes I never replied to at all but filled my inbox - or because they managed to accumulate a large number of red flags in a short period of time (usually before, or during, a first date) and at least some of those red flags indicated that having the 'there will not be a (first/second) date' convo was gonna go badly.
And a few times for more direct safety reasons. -
Have you ever ghosted someone?
@alice in my defence, they had just outed themselves as a GamerGater and transphobe
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@alice Yes, usually accidentally - especially on dating apps, a lot of folks just vanished in the flood of needy dudes I never replied to at all but filled my inbox - or because they managed to accumulate a large number of red flags in a short period of time (usually before, or during, a first date) and at least some of those red flags indicated that having the 'there will not be a (first/second) date' convo was gonna go badly.
And a few times for more direct safety reasons.@alice Of those listed, all but the known for years one - I've never *intentionally* ghosted someone I had known for years - though I have fallen out of contact with people, or not interacted for several years. Usually on crossing paths again or reconnecting somehow in those cases I tend to pick back up wherever we'd left off without issue - no 'friendship decay' - but have had people upset about it still [no idea why they didn't contact me in that time then??]
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@Fettlaus nope, you could do it to anyone (who'd reasonably believe that you would respond to them).
Partners, family, friends.
@alice I'm missing "ADHD/Autism" as an answer then. Demand avoidance is sometimes just such a huge problem.
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Have you ever ghosted someone?
@alice I did and do but only when a person makes me feel unsafe or if they cross a line so abhorrent there just isn’t coming back from it. Like treating me like crap.
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Have you ever ghosted someone?
@alice@lgbtqia.space ADHD makes me sometimes Ghost people without meaning to
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Have you ever ghosted someone?
@alice I only ghost someone if I get bad vibes from them and we didn't have much contact before. Most of the time that relates to chasers on dating apps. Never done it with people who I have interacted with more and in these context it's more common that contact just fizzles out.
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Have you ever ghosted someone?
@alice
Yes, accidentally (thanks AuDHD) and after knowing him for several years. We were friends in college, and I tried to keep the connection going after we graduated, but after exchanging a few messages, I got stuck on a response, and the longer I went without saying anything, the more stressful it got for me, so I eventually just let it go.I did reconnect with him a few months ago, but when I suggested we take the conversation off LinkedIn (I know, I know), he stopped responding.
It is possible there are some people on dating apps who feel like I ghosted them after a little conversation, but my feeling would have been more like "this conversation died of natural causes, and I don't feel like resurrecting it."
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Have you ever ghosted someone?
I did, unintentionally (yay for ADHD) and also intentionally.
It was a, let's call it unhealthy, relationship and they kept overstepping boundaries.
I saw no other way.
Other times (yes plural) is because I simply did not wish to spend any spoons on them anymore.
But mostly, ADHD. So if I ever not get in touch feel free to remind me. I can get stuck in my own head
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@alice I just want to say that I don't think you ghosted them. You ramped down then got red flags & then drew a healthy boundary. Ghosting in my book leaves no apparent reason, no warning or explanation, just poof, disappeance and silence - which yes, is very scary and uncertain for the ghostee. But I don't think we can blanket condemn it. There are good reasons to ghost if your safety is threatened, even if some folks abuse it for their own comfort. We all live and learn.
@Tarnport yeah, I think they'd have called it ghosting, but I saw it as having reached the end of understanding and deciding not to keep going.
